Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Mmmm, Loophole Cookies

Sold by time instead of weight: 20 minutes of cookies.

How much do cookies cost? Sometimes they cost $1.69. Other times they cost $2.49. Really good cookies might cost $2.99 or even $3.49. That's a lot. For cookies.

We paid $5.99 for this tiny 400g tub of mini Voortman's Rainbow Chip cookies. Normally we enjoy paying more for Voortman cookies, since they were the first, and continue to be one of the only companies to offer Trans-fat free products. But $5.99? That is insane.

I decided to run back to the cookie display to see the shelf price. The shelves were industrial-quality, and were very expensive, but that didn't justify the high cost of the cookies!

I found a tag which stated all 400g packages of Voortman cookies were 2 for $3.00. And we just paid double for half that! If we bought two, we would have been charged $12.00 instead of $3.00. Donald Trump might not mind paying that much, but the rest of the world is normal.

Suz ran back to the same cashier while I waited at the exit doors with our groceries. I was worried that our cookies would be stolen, so I had them appraised by a homeless guy and ran next door to State Farm Insurance and took out a policy on them.

While waiting for Suz to return, I noticed a plaque staring me in the face. It was the Supermarket Scanning Code of Practice: If an item scans at a price higher than the shelf price, the customer is entitled to recieve the first item free of charge, up to a maximum of $10. If a Scanning Code of Practice matter cannot be resolved, contact some gayass 1-800 number.

When Suz returned, I expected her to say that the cookies were free. But they weren't. They charged us $2.47 for them instead. $2.47? The sign said 2 for $3.00, however, if purchased singally, the price was $2.47. Oh, that is simply divine, isn't it?

Suz then explained to me that we had to pay full price because of a Loophole. The cookies were not scanned originally because there was no bar code on the product. The cashier did not know the price, so she typed in a different cookie code, which happened to be for 2.5 pounds of Voortman Christmas cookies. Because the original item wasn't "scanned", technically it didn't fall under the Supermarket Scanning Code of Practice rule.

I still say we got ripped, at least not to the tune of $6.00, and I can enjoy the bitter taste of my Loophole cookies until our next grocery trip.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

TV Preview

We attended a 'Rude Pointers Anonymous' meeting afterwards

I felt like a spy in the house of Hollywood last night, as I attended a special event called Television Preview. The event is just as it sounds. It is a preview of possible upcoming new television shows. The test audience is asked to write down their thoughts and opinions inside a special booklet to be used by the producers of those TV shows.

So why did I feel spy-like? The M.C. asked me and my group 2 questions:
Can you stay until 9:40?
Do you work for an advertising company, a TV company, or a media company?

That question ticked me off. I was not about to turn around and go home at this point. Had they included that information on the tickets we received in the mail, I wouldn't have wasted my time showing up. I know why they were asking it, but I am in no position to spoil anything to the public through my company. I am still just a regular guy who watches TV and has valid opinions. I am not biased in any way. So, I answered 'no'.

Behold my excitement.Let me back up a bit here. It all started last week, when our mail came. Four tickets to attend the event were accompanied by a letter which explained the process. It sounded very exciting to me, as I enjoy giving my opinion, which is basically the entire reason I blog.

I thought that my sister would enjoy a night out, so I invited her. Suz and I thought Jodster would enjoy the experience, if not the TV shows, so we invited him. The final ticket was mine.

Due to client confidentiality, I am not able to name the title of this show, however, they ain't said nuthin' about describin' it!

The first TV show we saw starred Kim Raver, aka Jack Bauer's girlfriend, Audrey Raines, in Season three of 24. The premise was good, but the actual show wasn't. Intended to be a one-hour prime-time drama about a psychotherapist who has flashbacks to her previous life, it disappointed. Although we were told this was possibly becoming a new TV series, we all agreed it was filmed a long time ago, as cell phones were the size of Bibles. About 30% of the audience found some redeeming quality about this show. I was not among those people.

The second show we watched was a pilot episode filmed 10 years ago. It was a half-hour sitcom starring Valerie Harper. I found this show to be downright hilarious. I was very suprised to find myself laughing so hard at a show from a decade ago. What was more surprising, however, was that it was never picked up by a network. About 95% of the test audience agreed that it was a very funny, enjoyable show.

This show, however, did not have the possibility of being aired. What they wanted to know from us was if we thought Valerie Harper could hold her own as the lead in a new half-hour sitcom. That question was a little difficult to answer, as the entire cast worked so well together.

Finally, they caught us by surprise and showed us 3 commercials. They asked us our thoughts and opinions on the advertisements, and probably wanted to know if we'd buy those particular products. It made Suz feel like Lisa Simpson, in the Christmas episode of the Simpsons, where Kid First Industries tricked Springfield Elementary into designing a new toy: Funzo.

Funzo turned out to be evil. Hmm.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Rearview Repair

Slide the button out...Remember how my rearview mirror broke off? The mirror repair began on the weekend, and I must say it was almost as fast and easy as Xcel claimed, although the process might lead me to an early death. I'll let you know in about 40 years if the WARNING was appropriate: "This product contains a chemical known to the State of California to cause Cancer."

Yeah, that's a fair trade-off.

The package claimed the job would be complete in minutes, but I suspected it would take hours. Even if the job took 2 hours, that's still 120 minutes, so technically the company isn't wrong.

Step 1. I removed the button from the mirror. This proved to be quite difficult, as I didn't realize the button was secured with a screw. Sheer force prevailed, the screw bent, and the button popped free. Huzzah! Eat it, screw.

The epoxy's so tough, it's easier to pull a hobo off a hot mealStep 2. Using my teeth, I began to remove the layer of old epoxy from the button. This part sucked. Like a telemarketer, the epoxy would not give up. So I hung up on it.

Once that was complete, I took everything I would need outside to my car. I trudged through the snow with sandpaper, duct tape, the epoxy glue kit, the button, newspaper, my hairdryer, and of course, my camera.

Step 3. On the outside, I marked the old location of the mirror on the windshield with a piece of duct tape. I sanded the button to make sure the epoxy would hold. Then I cleaned the windshield with the 1"x1" alcohol wipe supplied in the kit.

Step 4. Suck the alcohol wipe dry, and continue the job drunk.

Evil goo.Step 5. I like to figure things out for myself, and as such, I rarely read instructions. But, if you've ever used epoxy before, you know it is one of the most vile, horrible, evil things on this planet. Evil is strong, so I guess that's why we use it.

Against my instincts I carefully read the instructions for mixing the epoxy. After cautiously squeezing equal portions onto the newspaper, I made sure I mixed them for no more than 10 seconds. I then had less than 25 seconds to spread the epoxy on the button and stick it to the windshield. I had to hold it there for 45 seconds while the epoxy set, then because of the cold, I blasted it with the hairdryer for a few minutes, until the windshield was warm to the touch.

Don't be fooled by Dollar Store Duct Tape! It sucks!I used the duct tape to hold the button to the windshield overnight. The entire work I did only amounted to about 5 or 6 minutes. But because of the cold, and my desire to only do this job once, I left the tape on for about 36 hours.

I slid my mirror on this morning, completing Step 6, and am happy to report that it stayed in place, and the Xcel Rear View Mirror Adhesive Kit worked as promised. Today Xcel gets two thumbs up. If my mirror falls off tomorrow, I'll have something a little different to post.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Is Russ Powers Doing His Job?

Image hosted by Photobucket.comThis is Russ Powers. He is my Member of Parliament.

Back in October I read an article in the newspaper about electric cars that really milked my goat. For the first time in my life, I wrote to my trusted MP:

Mr. Powers,
My name is Martini, and my wife and I live in the beautiful community you represent. We are both proactive environmentally, and as such, are extremely offended and angered by the recent meeting between Canada's automakers and Parliament Hill.

Canada's automakers falsly claimed that we do not want environmentally friendly vehicles. Specifically, Joe Hinrichs, president of Ford Canada, made the unbelieveably insulting statement, "Consumers don't want to be forced into buying vehicles that don't suit their needs." The fact is, these automakers are currently forcing us to buy vehicles that don't suit our needs. Canadian automakers, and especially Ford, do NOT represent us. The fact is we DO want environmentally friendly vehicles, but we are being forced to purchase gasoline- and diesel-powered cars because they are the only options. Hybrid vehicles are a waste of technology and money, as they still require gasoline in order to operate. We are not being fooled by this pseudo-solution to our environmental problem. My wife and I were ready to buy an electric or hydrogen powered car 3 years ago, but since none were available, we were forced to purchase a gasoline powered vehicle. Even if we wanted a Honda Insight, waiting lists are absurdly long.

We want and need proper representation! We are not the only ones who feel this way. We are still waiting anxiously for these cars to hit the market. Believe us when we tell you we want these vehicles, and we are in full support of the taxation of less efficient vehicles and rebates on the most fuel efficient ones.

Thank you for your attention and time,
(my email address)
(my phone number)

Here is the reply I recieved:


That's right. Nothing. Seven weeks. Nothing.

The worst part is that I know Russ got my email. How do I know? Because he started mailing campaign promotions and brochures to me. I don't recall asking for these things. I asked for proper representation.

Here's the real kick in the teeth. His web page doesn't work, but his 'member listing' says this:
Russ Powers - As a Member of Parliament, Russ' priority is to represent the people of this Riding and to be a strong and effective leader on the issues that are important to his constituents.

Seems to me that his priority is ignoring his constituents. But really, I don't know what makes me more upset; the fact that my own MP is ignoring me, or that the Ford Motor Company says I don't want an electric car. I don't remember telling them that.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Manhandler Surprise

Visa number pixelated to protect this pervert.Ever done anything risqué?
Ever left some evidence behind?
Ever bought a 'Manhandler'?

On our last day in the Mystic Hilton, in Connecticut, Suz attended a meeting while I packed up our suitcases. I am a very careful, thorough person. I brought all our luggage to the car and returned for one last look around the room. I even checked under the bed for that stray chocolate bar that possibly got kicked under there.

When I lifted up the bedskirt, it wasn't a chocolate bar I found. It was a plain black bag with a receipt inside. A receipt for 'Manhandler Flesh'. As soon as I read those words, I dropped the bag, and carefully examined the receipt for signs of stickiness.

I read the receipt over very carefully, first, looking for the date. The date was mid-October, indicating that the person who purchased the Manhandler likely occupied the room before us. That made me kinda queasy, imagining all the dirty goings-on.

I learned that a Manhandler Flesh costs $36.99, at V.I.P., Connecticut's Premier Adult Emporium. Orange, Connecticut is a wholesome rural town, host to the Orange County Fair each September. With a population of only about 13,000, it is surprising that Orange can support an adult store.

I examined the receipt further. It indicated that the purchaser paid with Visa. It contained the complete Visa number, expiry, and Auth #. As much as I want to post the entire Visa number, it goes against my morals. Sorry Identity theives.

Below that was the signature of the cardholder. Because it leans left, I assume this person is left-handed. The signature is unreadable, which reminds me of Jodster's signature prank. I believe it starts with a K, or possibly an R, followed by a squiggle. If you'd like to be a detective, use your skills to find out who this person is, then let us know. I think it would be interesting.

V.I.P. of Orange is located at 170 Boston Post Road
Phone (203) 799-7040

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

The 14 Year, 8 Month Warranty

I need this for doing my makeup.

My 1991 Eagle Talon TSI AWD started falling apart, all at once, Friday night. I guess the warranty must have expired.

When I got home Friday night I got out of my Talon, locked the doors, then tried to arm the alarm. But nothing happened. I pushed the 'arm' button, and silence followed. I knew how to fix the problem. I needed to reset the alarm.

The instructions describing the procedure were in my glove box. So I climbed back into my car and opened that particular compartment. To my surprise the glove box broke off its hinge and dumped its contents to the floor. A toothbrush, a bottle of Armour All, a tire pressure gauge, a pen, and some papers, including the instructions I was searching for.

I think I yelled "You gotta be kidding me!" and leaned over my console to begin picking up the mess on the floor. That's when it hit me. Literally. "It" was my rearview mirror, and it landed on my head. It simply fell off my windshield.

"F*#%" declared I.

I didn't know how to reattach the mirror, but I wondered if my mechanic would. Turns out he couldn't, but he told me about the kit I had to buy in order to glue the mirror back on.

'Professional Formula' as opposed to their less successful 'Amateur Formula'I bought this kit at Canadian Tire. It's called "Rear View Mirror Adhesive Kit" by a company called XCel, from their exclusive U-Fix-It line of products. It was the only one they had.

On the box is a picture of a Chrysler LeBaron and a Ford Ranger. I assumed it would still work on my Talon, but I couldn't find anybody to ask. What set my mind at ease was the picture in the top right corner. It was virtually identical to my rearview mirror! It had the mirror thingy, the swivelly part, and the brackety thing that sticks to the glass. I felt confident that my mirror was compatible with this kit.

I paid $4.99 for the kit, which promises that their Professional Formula results in a fast, easy and permanent bond of the mirror to the glass.

Stay tuned for the update which will illustrate just how easy and fast the process really is.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Halloween Is A Nerd

Two rebels in the night.
I refuse to give in to the pressures of Christmas!

Christmas is always saying "look at me! I'm better than Halloween!" and "shop for stuff" and "time for presents!". Meanwhile Halloween is quietly whispering "candy, I got candy. Pssst, hey kid, want some candy?" It's no wonder people choose happy-go-lucky December 25 over creepy October 31.

Just like the jackass who still turns his Christmas lights on in the middle of May, I am forcing my neighbourhood to extend Halloween by lighting my jack-o-lanterns. The difference is, I'm not crazy. I'm angry. Angry that Christmas bullies my poor Halloween around. Well, I'm not going to take it any more. That's right, I'm going down kicking and screaming.

Halloween candy causes tooth and pumpkin decay.On the weekend it snowed, and I lit my rotting, collapsing, mould-covered jack-o-lanterns for the last time. I think the snow made them look extra-spooky. The black mould, however, absorbed much of the candle-light, and the pumpkins didn't glow very well.

So, when does Halloween end? October 31st? That's All Hallow's Eve. Technically it should end November 1st , on All Hallow's Day, or All Saints Day. But that day is reserved for the eating of candy, instead of the observance of Saints.

If we were to personify these two 'holidays', Christmas would always be the big fat bully, with Santy Claus portraying the role quite appropriately. He's so manipulative, convincing everyone that he's great, but when all our backs are turned, he's quietly beating up little nerd-boy, Halloween.

Don't worry Halloween, I'm here to defend you! At least until my rotting jack-o-lanterns collapse into piles of drippy mush.

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Friday, November 18, 2005

Monster Cereal Deal

I used my stacking skills to stack these boxes.I have said it before and I'll say it again. I am a cereal fiend. But a fiend with a twist. As much as I love cereal, I also get sick of eating the same thing over and over again. That's why my most favourite cereal of all time is a 3-way tie betweenn General Mills' Monster Cereals.

I love all three, but if Frank, the spokesmonster for Frankenberry cereal held a strawberry to my head and forced me to pick an absolute favourite, I'd have to say Boo Berry. Partly because I love ghosts, and partly because I love blueberries.

I must take this opportunity to apologize to my longtime best-breakfast-friend, Count Chocula. Dear Count, there are two reasons why I can no longer choose you as my breakfast soulmate. The first is that General Mills has destroyed you by changing their marshmallow recipe. Once your marshmallows were firm, delicious and crunchy, but now they are nothing but mush and sog. The second is that you are too plentiful. You are available everywhere! I can't turn a corner at the local Barn or Fortino's without seeing your face. Were you more rare, like your fruity brothers, I think I'd love you more. I'm sorry. Please don't hate me.

The rarest of the Monster cereals are Boo Berry and Frankenberry. These two morning treats have not been available in Canada for decades, probably pulled from the shelves after Fruity Yummy Mummy's disastrous debut.

And through relatives and friends in the U.S. I have even learned that Frank and Boo only make rare appearances at Halloween! Although an extremely cool marketing ploy, I'm saddened to learn their popularity has diminished in the last 20 years. C'mon General Mills! Advertise! Get these bad boys on the most-wanted list again!

I contacted General Mills in 2004 because it was possible to order these cereals at any time of year. However, they refused to ship to Canada. What's wrong with Canada I ask?

But I digress. Taking a trip to Connecticut 4 days after Halloween was brilliant. Upon our arrival I quickly headed out to every grocery-type store in the area. Target was clearing out "Seasonal" Count Chocula for 49¢ per box! A great deal, but it's abundant in Canada. I was searching for the rarest of the three.... And I found them in Wal-mart for $1.98 a box!

Twenty dollars and some bizarre looks later, I loaded 10 boxes of joy into the trunk. Now, every morning I insert that chemical-infused joy into my mouth, imagining the days of a childhood that never was, because I was hardly ever allowed to eat this kind of cereal.

If I stretch it, I might make the cereal last until February. Now my countdown to sadness begins.

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Thursday, November 17, 2005

The U.S.S. Nautilus

The sub was not wheelchair accessible. Sorry war veterans.

In Groton, Connecticut, the world's first nuclear-powered submarine was commissioned in 1954. Not only was the Nautilus the first nuclear sub, it was also the first 'true' submarine, capable of staying submerged for months - far longer than the previous generation of diesel subs.

Suz and I had a chance to visit this famous sub in Groton, which was decommissioned in 1980, and converted to a museum. We drove past the submarine base and all its really neat security, and parked in the Museum parking lot, beside some very early subs and some torpedos that were nearly the same size.

When we entered we were both shocked to find that the Submarine Force Museum didn't charge for admission - only donations. We didn't discover why, but we both think the museum is funded by the government, and staffed by the navy.

The museum was impeccable, and the diplays were extremely well-designed. I was impressed with its modern contemporary look. I was also impressed with the delicious hot-chocolate scented washrooms. But I still couldn't bring myself to eating any of the brown treats.

After we examined the history of ballistic missiles and peered through 3 operational periscopes, we went outside to visit the 51-year-old submarine. We were informed this was a self-guided tour and handed a plastic unit, about the length of a ruler and about 1 inch thick. At one end was a speaker. We held these to our ears and as we entered certain parts of the sub, the information relayed to us was specific to that room.

We weaved our way through the sub, making note of the 3 dominant colours: silver (steel), mint green, and faux wood-grain brown. We ascended the 1st staircase ever installed in a sub, and we marvelled at the efficient use of space. If somebody told me Ikea had designed this sub, I would have believed it.

When we left, we were hungry. We looked everywhere, but couldn't find even one submarine shop. Seems the entire town is supported by this naval base, but we didn't see a Subway, Mr. Subb (the U.S. version of our Mr. Sub), or Mike's Subs. Nothing. I was weirded out.

So we stopped at KFC, and did not try the Catfish sandwich.

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Taxed To Death?

Freddy is not anatomically correct.My recent trip to Connecticut was pleasure for me, and business for Suz. I had the pleasure of sleeping in, watching movies and going shopping. Suz was there for a conference.

During one of my many outings, I came across this familiar fellow: Fred Krueger. Or, Freddy Krueger if you prefer. Although I'm not a big fan of his movies (I've only seen one, and I don't even know which number it was), I'm a huge fan of anything 6 feet tall and scary.

The last time I saw Freddy was at a local mall, standing outside of a Spencer Gifts store, entertaining teenagers. In Canada, this animatronic murderer cost approximately $459. In recent years Spencer Gifts has offered post-Halloween sales on some smaller items, but nothing for seasonal things of this calibre. I know. I asked.

In the United States, they do things a little differently. 75% differently!

At a mall in Connecticut I saw good ol' Freddy standing out front as usual. But he wore a sign that read 75% Off. I did a double-take, not actually believing what I saw. Suz was intrigued as well. We entered Spencer Gifts and I inquired about the 6-foot-tall Janitor. It was true! 75% off, and not just the floor model - but a brand new Freddy in a box! (I love boxes)

I was suspicious. I asked lots of questions. But it was true! Freddy, the 6-foot-tall, fully clothed animatronic slasher was on sale, glove included. There was not a single additional thing I had to buy. "It's a fantastic deal," the cashier-dude reassured me. "I know! I'll take it!" I replied.

But there was one more surprise. When he rang up my new buddy, there was an additional 10% off at the cash. My total was $62, plus tax, for a whopping $66. I have never walked out of a store laughing before. But I did this time. Walking to the car, I did some math in my head. When I got to a calculator, I made sure the numbers were precise.

Get this:

My $66 total is LESS than the TAXES alone had I bought Freddy in Canada. Taxes on $459.99 is $68.99. Yes, I know there's still the CDN/U.S. conversion but even still, I walked away paying about $77 versus $528.98. That's $451 that I can put towards things like candy and video games!

Considering all this, are we being taxed to death in Canada? I vote Freddy Krueger for Prime Minister. He loves slashing, and he can start with our taxes.

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Friday, November 11, 2005

Do Not Follow

Sexy dump truck ass

Does anyone see a problem here?

Suz and I just got back from Mystic, Connecticut. We were there for a week, including two days of driving.

When we crossed the border into New York last Friday, this dump truck was practically the first thing we encountered. I pulled out my trusty Cybershot and started taking pictures. Although the sign on the back read "Construction Vehicle. Do Not Follow", we had no choice. The highway was under construction and reduced to one lane.

So, for a few miles we did exactly what we were prohibited from doing. We followed the dump truck. I was really nervous so I asked Suz to watch for State Troopers. Luckily, they were all busy shining their boots and loading their shotguns.

While following the truck, questions arose in my mind. The main question was why? I believe the answer is a closely guarded secret. I believe that there is a secret hideout for construction workers, similar to the Smurfs and their magical, hidden mushroom village. If anyone were to follow one of the vehicles they would stumble across this haven for roadwork crews.

In order to protect themselves from angry motorists who grow murderous with delays and detours, the construction workers banded together and created this secret town, hidden forever with the use of a simple sign designed to fool idiotic drivers.

The sign is a faux-safety sign. Logic says that you shouldn't follow a rusty old dump truck because of what might break off it and smash into your car. Like axles, or the frame.

So I was thinking, if some guy robs a bank and doesn't want the police to follow him, he should just put one of these signs on the back of his getaway pickup truck. All he would have to do is avoid roads that are restricted to one lane.

I was also thinking...

Batmobile, Do Not Follow
Celebrity On Board, Do Not Follow
Suicide Bomber, Do Not Follow

I dare all you Suicide Bombers to try this. Let me know if it works.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Gone Fishin'

Shut Down, Restart, or Initiate self-destruct sequence?

I'm on vacation for a week, starting tomorrow. My computer will be silent.

So I leave you with this: Remember all the trouble I was having with my PC? It wouldn't turn on, and I was worried that my blogging days would soon be far behind me.

Well, thanks to Baseball Player Zombie, I got a 'new' computer about 2 weeks ago. Baseball Player Zombie (BPZ) was able to snatch this Pentium III 450 from his workplace. It was obsolete by their company standards, and was destined for a garbage shuttle to the sun. Instead, the cheaper solution was to simply give me the computer.

This PC is quite a nice replacement for my old Pentium II 266, which, incidentally, escaped the same fate at the same company 3 years ago. My good friend BPZ gave me that computer as well, which was a replacement for my old Pentium I 166, which my cousin sold to me for $50. I was totally broke at the time, so I stole my sister's DVD player. When she told me the sad story about how it went missing, I sold her my *ahem* spare DVD player for a bargain: $50! She was happy. Said it looked just like her other one.

Oh yeah, I was just joking about that.
Stay Tuned! November 15th is just around the corner.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Second Cup Gives Away a Free

I stared at this ad for an hour on Sunday.

What? Were you expecting something?

Pocket the card, not the what? Pillar? Snot-soaked Kleenex? Ketchup packets? What? I want to know!

Just as Jodster noticed poor advertising placement back in August, I too have come across this rather amusing blunder at a local mall on Sunday, while waiting for my Zombie pictures to be developed, and my hangover to take a hike. Anyway, it would seem that some construction workers mistakenly built a load-bearing pillar directly in front of a cinnamon station at The Second Cup.

I'm not sure if they're really called cinnamon stations, because they offer much more than just cinnamon, but since they don't have an offical name (that I know of), that's what I'm calling it.

I looked at this advertisment on the back of this cinnamon station thinking "oh, those poor suckers who paid for this ad placement. I'd be pretty mad if I were them." However, upon closer inspection, I discovered that it was an advertisment for a special Second Cup card! The Second Cup screwed up their own ad! And it sits in front of their able-bodied employees every day, and yet nobody has the initiative to correct it. All it would take is some kiosk-sliding action to one side to avoid the improperly placed pillar. About 5 inches would do it.

But, since it hasn't been corrected, maybe there's a lawsuit in place against the construction workers, or maybe the Second Cup union is so strong that they're waiting for the proper "approval documents" to be written up before they assign someone to take 2 and a half valuable seconds to slide it over.

That makes sense. After all, everybody knows how grumpy, cranky and angry customers get when they have to wait for their coffee. 2 and a half seconds could mean the difference between some jerk yelling for more foam, or some lunatic shooting the whole place up. So, the ad stays hidden.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

"Scary" Halloween

Preparing for the onslaught.For the first time ever, I had outdoor props for Halloween. But it felt as though I went overboard, even though my display was nowhere near as gruesome as our costumes on the Zombie walk.

Last winter I made this tombstone out of styrofoam. I was planning on making about 7 of them, but it was a messy job, and we were preparing to sell our house, so I stopped after just one.

Turns out one is a good number.

Thankfully the weather was very good yesterday, as I spent an hour digging a thin trench in the front yard just the right size to slide the tombstone into. I also propped it up with a few paving stones, and concealed them with leaves. I really should find a better way to hold this tombstone upright. I can't imagine how long it would have taken to set up an entire graveyard.

Not only was it time consuming to set one grave up, but it, along with the groundbreaker ghoulish head (the one delivered to me at work), and my fog machine, were actually scaring kids away from our house.

I know what you're thinking. Those wusses! I told them to suck it up, but very, very small, and very, very young toddlers don't seem to respond well to intimidation. I am used to getting teenaged trick-or-treaters: the ones that actually appreciate some of this stuff. But this year, in our new house, the average age of the kids we got was about 4.

So, off went the fog machine, and I spent much of the night consoling small pink ponies, baby ninjas, and more princesses than I could shake a stick at. But I have to admit it was 10x better than worrying about teenagers making off with half my props while I waited for the doorbell to ring.

For me it was a Happy Halloween. For the kids, it was most definitely scary.

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This many people accidentally stumbled upon my site
...while searching for porn.