Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Halloween Candy Oscars 2011

The best Halloween candy for 2011, Frankford's always wins.

Halloween is amazing. It's the only time of year when parents turn the other cheek and allow their kids to take candy from strangers. And when you're taking a chance like that, make sure you get the BEST candy. So just what is the best Halloween candy for 2011?

Last year the Halloween Candy Oscars suffered because the Halloween candy niche has been severely neglected by confectionery companies. Halloween seems to cycle, and lately it has not been popular. The proof is in the pudding... er... candy, as it were.

This year I struggled to come up with solid Halloween-themed competitors in any category. I found one chocolate. I found one gummy. I found zero lollies. And I only found Spooky Eyes and Pumpkin Faces gumballs in bulk. It was atrocious.

Candy companies are simply not interested in putting a quality Halloween candy on the market. For the big guys, it's cheaper to manufacture tiny useless versions of their full sized candy or chocolate. For the niche market players, it's simply cheaper not to compete at all. And when that happens, all teh childrenz lose out. Won't somebody think of teh childrenz?!

However, Frankford has once again come forth with an awesome assortment of bloodcurdling body parts. Every year Frankford impresses, but there have been BIG changes in 2011 and not all are for the better. The biggest difference you will notice is the packaging. Gone is the beautifully designed, creeptacular coffin container. I was only able to find a bag of body parts, which states there are 7 different gruesome candies.

Gruesome Halloween teeth are horribly delicious!On the upside, there is a new, fantastically delicious body part. Teeth! Okay, some of you astute readers or candy connoisseurs will remember that Frankford used to have gummy fangs. Well, the gummy fangs have gone to the candy graveyard. They've been updated with hard candy teeth. Teeth so bone-crunchingly good they give me shivers. Trust me when I tell you they crunch pretty damn accurately. (I've chewed a real human tooth before, yeah.)

But to every upside there's a downside. Just like the dreadfully demonic downsizing episode of 2007, it looks as though Frankford shrunk their gummies again. At this point, they can't really get much smaller without becoming stupid-looking, so I'm not worried this trend will continue. In fact, I predict in the near future, a bloody heart will be their next addition.

The gory popped-out eyes, bleeding foot, ripped-off nose, bloody finger, oozing ear and scooped-out brain remain as delicious as ever. However, I did find a lot less of them in the bag, which is supposed to contain 45 individually wrapped body parts. As usual, I had to count to make sure.
The bag contents breaks down like this:
26 teeth (each containing 5 crunchy teeth)
10 brains
3 ears
3 fingers
3 eyeballs
2 feet
2 noses

If you added that up, you'll notice what I noticed too: A four-body-part BONUS! A second bag of body parts yielded almost identical results.

This year all those rotten candy companies who bailed on teh childrenz sure made my job easier. 2011's Halloween Candy Oscar for best Halloween candy goes to Frankford, hands down, for their gruesome Body Parts.

Halloween Candy Oscars 2009
Halloween Candy Oscars 2008

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Tuesday, October 11, 2011

How Much HP Does a DeLorean Make?

How much hp does a DeLorean make at the wheels? Let's find out!

How much hp does a DeLorean make at the wheels? Let's find out!

DeLoreans look exotic, but their powerplant is anything but. The 174 cubic inch PRV V6 was very common in Europe... about 3 decades ago. It's rated at 130 hp. But how much hp does a DeLorean make at the wheels?

Horsepower at the wheels is less than what the engine actually makes. Things like the alternator, transmission, and wheels all require power to turn them. Power at the wheels tells you how much power you've actually got, in real life, to move the car.

So how much power DOES the DeLorean make at the wheels? Using my ultra scouring skills I've scoured the internet in search of the answer. There's a lot of speculation, people stating what it SHOULD make, and results of many modified DeLoreans. But I've never found documented, accurate numbers for a stock (unmodified) car. Bob Brandes dyno'd a couple of cars, but the graph is difficult to read. Even Tamir, internet-famous for his superb DeLorean website only posted an unusually round number for an automatic, and offers no dyno graph.

In newsgroups and forums, people have stated that a well-maintained 5-speed manual transmission DeLorean will make anywhere from
95 to 100 hp at the wheels. Some say 90 is more likely. Most agree an automatic will make somewhere in the mid 80s.

My goal was to hit 100 hp, ohh that magical number!

I took my DMC-12 to a mechanic I've trusted for a decade. He uses a Dynojet dynamometer. The rear wheels sit on two huge rollers that weigh 5,500 lbs. and the car is strapped down so it can't move.

My engine: 100% stock and 112,400 miles. My air intake: 100% stock. My filter: dirty. My exhaust: 99% stock. The only difference is that it is ceramic coated to keep the heat out of the engine bay and away from the air intake. My tires, unfortunately are larger than stock. They are 245/60R15 which means they weigh more.Click the tiny graph to see the full size graph of the DeLorean dyno results. From my mechanic's experience with dyno-ing the same car with different sets of tires, he estimates I lost about 2 hp with the heavier tires.

So, how much power did my DeLorean make? We tested the car in 4th gear and made 4 runs on the dyno. All the runs were very consistent, almost identical actually. Maximum horsepower was 98.4 @ 4700-5100 rpm. Maximum torque was 131.6 @ 2100 to 2300 rpm. So close!

Then we did something else. My pal Ken, the one with the Time Machine DeLorean, let me borrow his cold air intake with a filthy K&N filter. The intake looks almost stock, except it's missing the box where the hot air stove pipe attaches.

And how much power did I make with the cold air intake? Maximum hp jumped by six! I made 104.3 @ 4800-5200 rpm. Maximum torque was 132.6 @ 2400-2800 rpm.

So now you know how much power a 5-speed DeLorean will make with the stock air intake and exhaust, and with the cold air intake set up. Click here to see the dyno chart & details up close.

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Sunday, October 02, 2011

The DeLorean: Girls Get It.

My DeLorean's French engine. 2.85 litre toute aluminum Vay-seese.

"What we are trying to show is... a car that is very attractive, very fuel efficient, handles like maybe very few other cars built in the world and is fun to drive." - John DeLorean

The DMC-12 was never meant to be fast. I find it highly amusing that people thought, and continue to think, that it was a failure because it wasn't fast. The DeLorean Motor Company failed for a complex set of reasons that had more to do with the price of bananas than how much power the engine had.

Official literature states the Renault-built PRV V6 makes 130 hp and 162 lb-ft of torque before le emissions equipment and accessories come into play. With only 2712 lbs to throw around, it's quick. No, it won't blow your chausettes off, but John was right - it is tres fun to drive!

Wheels magazine tested the 0-60 mph at a hair over 8 seconds. Car and Driver, a little worse at 9.5 seconds (and the Corvette at 7.2). Not bad for a car whose purpose was fuel efficiency during a time when emissions controls choked every new car. A car that gets 29 mpg U.S. highway. Far more awesome mileage than some new cars today. 2011 Cadillac *cough*

Comparing apples to apples is always prudent. Even today, the mystique of the DeLorean lives on tempting pansy-balled spewbags to race it against brand new 265 hp minivans. Have you seen The Car Show? SPOILER ALERT... oh wait, no it isn't. Of course the Sienna is faster. It has THIRTY more years of technology and more than double the horsepower. Nobody compares their iMac to an Apple II. No one would respect them. Yet somehow, brainless douchbaggery lives on in the car world.

The Urban Dictionary has an entry: "DeLorean-slow". Well, the Urban Dictionary can bite my ass (which has touched Michael J. Fox's ass I might add). The DeLorean was never meant to be fast.

Oddly enough, I've been asked that question twice in less than a week. But it's not about the speed. It's the style. Two girls I met on Wednesday put it best. "It's the cool factor!"

"Exactly!" I replied. At least somebody gets it.

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This many people accidentally stumbled upon my site
...while searching for porn.