Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

What I Learned in Vancouver

Lion's Gate bridge is one of the niftiest.Suz and I just got back from spending 8 days in Vancouver and four hours in Calgary waiting for our connecting flight. We were spending Christmas with family and the experience was exactly how I imagined it would be - unpredictable. Snow one day, rain the next. A generous blast of sunshine, then snow again. It was neat, albeit slightly nauseating. And I learned something important while I was there. You don't need money to enjoy it.

Nope. You don't need money to see the amazing sights in Vancouver. Looking at mountains is free. The bridge-happy city is surrounded by coastal mountains and water and none of it costs a cent. All you really need is a little luck with the weather, at least in the winter.

The weather was so unpredictable that we had to check the weather network hourly to see if our plans were going to be thrown out the window. During a sunny day we drove off to Stanley park and watched the sun set behind the cityscape while Asian tourists asked us to take their picture in front of the totem poles. We drove deeper into the park and stopped in a small parking lot with "Wawa" parking to take in this view of the mountains & industry on the water.

Hey California! Look at us - we can do it too!And we didn't have to fly all the way to L.A. or some tropical island for great palm trees. Vancouver, as if to brag, has these coconutty trees planted all over the city. I was really surprised to see them, but even more surprised to see all the estates with giant palms guarding the front gate, or lining the driveways.

Mountains are neat and all, but it's not just those pointy, hard, jaggedy rock things that are incredible. In places like White Rock, even the soft, so-fluffy-you-could-wipe-your-ass-with-em clouds are spectacular.

And you don't need to fork out the same amount a small country's GDP for a chauffeur to drive you around to see all these awesome sights. Nope. All you need is an awesome brother-in-law who lives in B.C., and will drive you anywhere you want to go.

Labels: ,

Monday, December 17, 2007


Did an airplane full of cocaine explode over our house?

This year Suz and I are having multi-Christmas due to a change in our standard Christmas plans. And it has already started. So, I offer you this simple phrase, to men from 1 to 92; although it's been said many times, many ways: my apologies.

Yes, my apologies to all the men out there who are just about to start their Christmas shopping this week - because not only did I finish my shopping weeks and weeks ago, but gift-opening has already begun.

It started Saturday night when we attended Tonton's annual Christmas party. The evening was full of good times, Jesus action figures, and the house was decorated to the max. We indulged in rich chocolate desserts and fancy beverages till the wee hours.

Shivering is not a good photographer's trait.The house was full of elaborately decorated Christmas trees, just like this one, their 20-footer. Outside, the snow storm transformed their yard into a winter wonderland. Unfortunately it also transformed the roads into a driving nightmare.

The next morning we were completely snowed in. Which was actually quite enjoyable, because Suz and I held our own Christmas in the cozy warmth of our fireplace. Breakfast was the typical Christmas feast of chocolate and candy from our ravaged stockings, and later we took the Talon out for a spin, literally, in the snow.

Later this week we'll be exchanging presents with my sister and parents before we head off to Vancouver for our final Christmas with Suz's family. I'm very excited about the trip and find it quite fun to do something different this year. I promise next year everything will return to normal, IE - no shopping until December 24th.

Labels: , ,

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

The Importance Of Batteries

13.5 is cold. So you can imagine what 13.0 feels like.

It's hard to imagine that the well-being of every living thing in my house, humans, cats, fish and plants, is 100% dependent on 3 AA batteries. But it's true, and I discovered just how important these AA batteries are yesterday.

Monday night Suz and I were watching TV with the fireplace on, and wondering why it was so dang cold in the house. The blankets we were using felt like they had come out of the fridge, and the couch cushions were room temperature.

Unfortunately the room's temperature was very cold. We were baffled.

When we woke up in the morning the house was even colder. About 7 degrees colder than it should have been. The house had dipped to 13 Celcius while the outside temperature was -1.

Suz found the culprit right away. The thermostat had failed because the 3 AA batteries which run it, had passed away. Yes, the batteries had died.

I sacrificed the Double-As from our TV remote to satisfy the Gods of Nonfunctioning Thermostats. I put the new batteries into the thermostat and pressed "Run Program". The settings were stored, so the furnace knew exactly what day and time it was, and turned on immediately.

Two hours later I left for work, but was still shivering a bit, because the house had only risen to 18 degrees. Thankfully we did not have to make funeral arrangements for the dead batteries.

Labels: , ,

Saturday, December 08, 2007

A Place For Assholes

Two thumbs way, way down to Myspace.

Myspace. Their slogan is "A Place For Friends." I disagree. Yes, maybe friends can hang out there. I'm not saying they're the sphincters.

I signed up for Myspace a few months ago when I found out Brian Melo's former band, Stoked, who I had met and videotaped for an interview, were talking it up with friends there.

Less than a week later I began to dislike the constant badgering from other Myspace users; complete strangers wanting to talk to me. On top of that, most of the personalized Myspace pages didn't work. They were an absolute mess, and impossible to read.

Finally I gave up, abandoning the poorly constructed Myspace and clicked "Cancel Account". A message told me I had to follow the instructions in the email they had just sent in order to complete the cancellation.

That email never came.

I tried to cancel my account 3 more times, but to no avail. Then I started emailing the Myspace crew. My first email went like this:

Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 11:43 AM
Subject: Account - Delete

Hello. For the past 3-4 weeks I've been trying to cancel my account. The email which is supposed to be sent to me which states: Your request to cancel your MySpace account has been sent. You will receive an email shortly with instructions for confirming that you wish to cancel. You must follow the instructions in that email to complete cancellation of your account. Thank you. is NOT being sent to me. PLEASE cancel my account.

I waited a week, and heard nothing back. So again, I sent a detailed, pleasant email which was pleasantly detailed in regards to cancelling my Myspace account. But a week later I'd still heard nothing from the Baboons running the Myspace child-stalking operation.

As I waited for a reply, I picked my nose, tried to cancel my account yet again, ate some pie, and finally sent THIS email, which seemed to have got their attention:

I have cancelled my account FOUR times in the past FOUR weeks and you have failed to send the confirmation email FOUR times. I have emailed you twice to ask you to cancel my account and I've received no replies. Am I getting through to you yet? Now, because of your incompetence, I am leaving on bad terms instead of having neutral feelings about Myspace. I'm tired of these games and simply want my account to be cancelled.

To which they replied:

From: International Mailbox [mailto:internationalmailbox@support.myspace.com]
Sent: Tuesday, December 04, 2007 11:33 AM
Subject: RE: Account - Delete

Dear MySpace.com User,
Thank you for contacting MySpace.com Customer Support. The issue seems to be resolved now. If you are still experiencing difficulties please reply to this e-mail.


So, what was the issue? Incompetent employees? And why does that issue only SEEM to be resolved? Were they told to stand on their chairs to raise their IQs? Or were those employees fired "temporarily?" The email was so vague and useless I almost thought it was One Useless Man replying to me.

Why do idiots turn simple things into such complicated issues? Do they enjoy wasting time, costing their company money and building bad relationships with people? Because that's exactly what they did. Had the simple process worked, they wouldn't have had to pay some shmuck who was too afraid to sign his/her name to that email to sit in a $600 office chair, fix the problem and send emails back to nice people like me.

Labels: ,

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Winter "Whoa's!"

This is the first time I've ever had to shovel off my car.

This morning many people in our city awoke to a white surprise. We recieved our first big storm of the season and NOT shovelling was not an option. Unless you owned a snowblower.

I, however, wasn't caught off guard. Last night my friend called me and told me of the impending doom. Although he can't predict the weather, his information was far more accurate than any Weather Network forcaster could offer. He's a pilot for Westjet and he told me that his morning flight had been pre-cancelled due to the storm that was a-comin.

Being Sunday, the massive quantity of heavy, sticky snow shouldn't have been a problem. Except Suz had to work.

Emotions ran quickly. At first she was upset because she was going to be late. Then she became happy as she declared she would "just blast through it" with our 67 hp hybrid.

I laughed. She cried. We grabbed shovels and got to work. yes, there was a ton of snow. Even at the lowest point surrounding my car, the snow was nearly 20 inches high.

After 30 minutes of shovelling the Insight barely had enough clearance to escape the driveway. 60 minutes after that I finally deconstructed the replica Great Wall of China the snowplow had built around my Talon. And the worst part is, winter is still 3 weeks away.



This many people accidentally stumbled upon my site
...while searching for porn.