A Place For Assholes

Myspace. Their slogan is "A Place For Friends." I disagree. Yes, maybe friends can hang out there. I'm not saying they're the sphincters.

I signed up for Myspace a few months ago when I found out Brian Melo's former band, Stoked, who I had met and videotaped for an interview, were talking it up with friends there.

Less than a week later I began to dislike the constant badgering from other Myspace users; complete strangers wanting to talk to me. On top of that, most of the personalized Myspace pages didn't work. They were an absolute mess, and impossible to read.

Finally I gave up, abandoning the poorly constructed Myspace and clicked "Cancel Account". A message told me I had to follow the instructions in the email they had just sent in order to complete the cancellation.

That email never came.

I tried to cancel my account 3 more times, but to no avail. Then I started emailing the Myspace crew. My first email went like this:

Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 11:43 AM
Subject: Account - Delete

Hello. For the past 3-4 weeks I've been trying to cancel my account. The email which is supposed to be sent to me which states: Your request to cancel your MySpace account has been sent. You will receive an email shortly with instructions for confirming that you wish to cancel. You must follow the instructions in that email to complete cancellation of your account. Thank you. is NOT being sent to me. PLEASE cancel my account.

I waited a week, and heard nothing back. So again, I sent a detailed, pleasant email which was pleasantly detailed in regards to cancelling my Myspace account. But a week later I'd still heard nothing from the Baboons running the Myspace child-stalking operation.

As I waited for a reply, I picked my nose, tried to cancel my account yet again, ate some pie, and finally sent THIS email, which seemed to have got their attention:

I have cancelled my account FOUR times in the past FOUR weeks and you have failed to send the confirmation email FOUR times. I have emailed you twice to ask you to cancel my account and I've received no replies. Am I getting through to you yet? Now, because of your incompetence, I am leaving on bad terms instead of having neutral feelings about Myspace. I'm tired of these games and simply want my account to be cancelled.

To which they replied:

From: International Mailbox [mailto:internationalmailbox@support.myspace.com]
Sent: Tuesday, December 04, 2007 11:33 AM
Subject: RE: Account - Delete

Dear MySpace.com User,
Thank you for contacting MySpace.com Customer Support. The issue seems to be resolved now. If you are still experiencing difficulties please reply to this e-mail.

Sincerely,
MySpace.com

So, what was the issue? Incompetent employees? And why does that issue only SEEM to be resolved? Were they told to stand on their chairs to raise their IQs? Or were those employees fired "temporarily?" The email was so vague and useless I almost thought it was One Useless Man replying to me.

Why do idiots turn simple things into such complicated issues? Do they enjoy wasting time, costing their company money and building bad relationships with people? Because that's exactly what they did. Had the simple process worked, they wouldn't have had to pay some shmuck who was too afraid to sign his/her name to that email to sit in a $600 office chair, fix the problem and send emails back to nice people like me.