Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005


A 32-year-old dude arrested for having too many baby teeth

On Monday Suz and I went to Toronto, also known as T.O. or, even more stupidly, the T. Dot. I do not know who comes up with these silly names.

On our way there we encountered the ever-reliable O.P.P. (Ontario Provincial Police for you faithful American readers) making a sweet arrest on the side of the highway.

It was difficult to guess the precise and exact reason Randy Nutsack (Jimmy Dillnuts' cousin) was being arrested, but there's always the fun of guessing!

What's curious is that passenger door of Randy's BMW was wide open during the arrest. Was Randy the passenger? If so, what did he have in his possession that would make the O.P.P. arrest him? Did he have drugs? An unregistered firearm? Was there a warrant out on him? Maybe he wasn't even Randy! He stole Randy's identity!

My sister nearly had her identity stolen about 2 years ago. But it failed thanks to a very intelligent Sears clerk, one strange coincidence, and a helpful leprechaun. When my sister went into Sears to buy something, the clerk asked her if she wanted a Sears card. She said okay, and filled out the application. Then the clerk noticed that it was the exact same name and address that a MAN just tried to use only one hour earlier to acquire a Sears card. At first my sister was the identity-theft suspect. But a manager asked some hard questions and finally ascertained that my sister was the true beholder of her own identity, and it was the man who had tried to steal it from her.

That situation made me question identity theft. What if you decide to steal someone's identity? You rifle through all their garbage, steal their bank statements and receipts that have credit card numbers on them. Maybe you even make a fake I.D. for yourself, with your own picture.

Now, after all that hard work, what if you stole the identity of a criminal? I can tell you, with my luck, I'd accidentally steal the identity of some sacksucking dillhole murderer on the lam.


Blogger Dusty said...

My God I was *just* telling someone about this yesterday. I hadn't talked about it, or remembered it in a long long time.

LMAO @ sacksucker

1:19:00 PM

Blogger Rainypete said...

I'd get waaayyy too confused if I stole an identity. What if I got it confused with my real identity? Then I wouldn't know who I was .

I'd howl if someone stole mine and tried to get a credit card or a loan. I could track the thief by listening to the laughter of the clerk who checks the application.

3:37:00 PM

Blogger Felicia said...

I *really* want to hear some more speculation about Randy Nutsack...I was enjoying it...

6:22:00 PM

Blogger ms. creek said...

what is your sister's name? just wondering if it was a male/female name or what. so many times you hear of men stealing women's names......wouldn't the person wonder about it, unless, of course, it was a boy named sue...

9:20:00 AM

Blogger Martini said...

Ms Ellie - yes it is a slightly unusual name. She is the first commenter here.

12:35:00 PM

Blogger Lo said...

My mom was hit by idenity theft but they caught it pretty fast before it became really bad.

That is funny about stealing of a criminal that would probably be my luck too.

5:04:00 AM

Blogger Martini said...

L - that sux. Hope your mom didn't have to pay for any of the sh*t the criminal bought. That stuff really milks my goat.

F - Randy Nutsack. He's 29-34, may or may not have children, earns slightly more than minimum wage. His parents are divorced. He enjoys the thrill of the chase. He smokes weed, but nothing worse. He has worn women's panties before. He was a badass in high school, but he graduated after a summer school course. He spends his nights watching Comedy Central, and drinking Mountain Dew.

10:59:00 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Quit picking on me & my family

2:48:00 PM

Blogger Felicia said...

Thank you, M! =)
My curiousity has been sated.

5:39:00 PM


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home


This many people accidentally stumbled upon my site
...while searching for porn.