The Cadbury Secret

Cadbury has a secret. The Cadbury Creme Egg secret. And seeing as how this is Easter, what a perfect time to reveal it to everyone who reads my blog. So, yeah, we're talking six people.

Cadbury doesn't want you to know something about their creme eggs. Not all Cadbury Creme Eggs are created equal, and their staff will do anything to keep that knowledge from customers.

Last Easter I came across a giant bin of Yellow and Green foil-wrapped creme eggs at a dollar store. I was very confused. Okay, MORE confused than normal. I decided to write a letter:


To: 'consumer.relations@brandspeoplelove.com'
Subject: Inquiry About Cadbury Creme Egg Foil Wrapped Egg.

Hello,
I am hoping someone can clear up some confusion about a product which may in fact be some scary Cadbury knock-off filled with all sorts of horrors. In Ontario there are stores selling a "Cadbury Creme Egg" which is not in the traditional red & blue foil. The colours are yellow and green. Does Cadbury wrap eggs in two different foils? Does Cadbury have special relations with Dollar Stores, selling a different colour of egg? Most importantly, is this a genuine Cadbury product? I am afraid to purchase it.

Thank you,
Martini


At first it does not appear that Cadbury's customer relations reply was miserable. However, upon discovering the truth, part in thanks to Wikipedia, and part in thanks to what happened afterward, I can confidently say this reply was a massive lie wrapped in a canned letter, oozing with marketing propaganda.


From: consumer.relations@brandspeoplelove.com
Sent: Friday, March 13, 2009 1:00 PM
Subject: Your Inquiry About Cadbury Creme Egg Foil Wrapped Egg. #001153330A

Dear Mr. Martini:

Thank you for contacting us about Cadbury Creme Egg Foil Wrapped Egg. Your comments and inquiries are appreciated because they provide valuable feedback about our brands.

The wrapper on our Cadbury Creme Egg has not been changed. It is still a red and blue foil wrapper. The other product that you mentioned is not one of our products.

Cadbury has been making great brands that people love for more than 200 years. We are proud of our family of confectionery products and are committed to providing a wide range of choices for all individuals.

Thank you for taking the time to contact us. We hope that you will continue to purchase and enjoy our products.

Sincerely,
Consumer Relations

According to Wikipedia, this customer service representative just flat-out lied to me. Apparently Hershey is licenced to make and distribute the delectable Creme Eggs, and often wraps them in green and yellow foil. See the entry here.

I decided to write another letter to Cadbury, but I did not divulge what I knew. I wanted to see if they would correct their error, or call my bluff. Read my letter below, and then try to guess Cadbury's response.


Sent: Friday, March 13, 2009 1:06 PM
To: 'consumer.relations@brandspeoplelove.com'
Subject: RE: Your Inquiry About Cadbury Creme Egg Foil Wrapped Egg. #001153330A

Thank you for the information. However, it strikes me odd that you are not interested in the details about this Cadbury knock-off which is using your company name on their product, quite possibly affecting your reputation. If you are this nonchalant about other companies illegally using your company image and name, how can we trust Cadbury? How many other products out there are illegitimate Cadbury rip-offs?

Cadbury's response was deplorable. Their customer service is so terrible, so irresponsible, that they refused to reply to my inquiry. They wrote nothing back to me. I bet you didn't see that coming.

So, my question is, why would they ignore me? Were they embarrassed to admit they lied or made a mistake? It certainly can't be the fact that they're hiding the Hershey Creme Egg secret - it's on Wikipedia for all the world to see. So what other reason might they have?

Perhaps another letter is in order.

Happy Easter, Mother Earth

To everyone who celebrates it, Happy Easter. To those who don't, eat it.

One of the recommendations made in our ecoENERGY home energy audit was to increase the air tightness of our house by 23% to achieve an air change rate of 9.5 at a pressure of 50 Pa. If I succeed, power beyond my wildest dreams will be mine, as well as $300 from the government.

I started this process a while back but never got around to finishing. Partially because I'm lazy, and partially because I'm a man. Okay, so those kinda mean the same thing. Anyway, I popped off the remainder of the dining room trim and caulked the giant gap behind it.

Our auditor, a jolly chap who drove a Z28, also mentioned fitting insulation gaskets behind our outlet plates. They were cheap (about $4 for 10), so I decided all the exterior wall outlets would benefit from them. Anything helps, and I'm hoping to pass the next evaluation well enough to receive my government grants in full.

After a chocolatey Sunday brunch consisting of delicious, nutritious eggs (of the Cadbury variety), Suz and myself (full of vitamins and Tramacet) headed a few streets to the left to wander the conservation trails.

It has been years since I've walked a trail. But the weather was nice, and I was really wanting to go. With the sun blasting, we made our way down the trail to the mucky mess of leaves and logs at the bottom.

Flowers were poking through the mud everywhere and squirrels, full of nuts and lust, chased each other along barren branches.

Back at the top of the trail, a chubby dog ran in front of us. We didn't know why at first. But then Suz saw the deer. Three of them at first, then a fourth. As the dog edged closer, the deer turned and high-tailed it back into the ravine.

It was a very good weekend full of chocolate, energy savings and mother nature.