Volunteering at FanExpo 2012

Michael J. Fox's disease is terrible. It is the reason he founded the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson's research. Volunteering is not terrible. It is the reason I spent Friday evening and all day Saturday at FanExpo.

At this point the news is old. Sure, if I wanted I *could* just hit 88 mph in the Time Machine, go back and write this post before FanExpo, but I can't seem to get my hands on any plutonium. Sure, in 2015 I will be able to walk right in to my corner store and buy it, but for now I'm stuck.

So, back to FanExpo. My friend, owner of this amazing Time Machine, had a wedding to attend, so I volunteered to raise funds with his brother at the exhibit.

People usually go crazy for DeLoreans and there was no exception at this massive nerd-fest. Ok, don't get all angry that I just called it a nerd-fest. It's okay. I'm allowed to say that. I am one of you.

Besides, you know it's true.

Many commented that FanExpo was nothing more than a cash-grab these last 2 years, but said they were happy to see someone doing something for charity. Many were more than happy to hand over $20 to sit in the Time Machine and take photos. Some were happy to donate even more than that. To those people: thank you.

To the Hulk, who tried to rip the front bumper off the car, thank you for your donation. To the Staypuft Marshmallow (wo)man, thank you. To Doctor Who, thank you. To all the girls in their teeny tiny costumes, thank you, thank you, thank you. To those "inebriated" scientists, thank you. To Omni Television for helping spread the word about this car even further, thank you.

To Venessa in her Transformer DeLorean costume, thank you. To Marty McFly, thank you. To anyone not in a costume, thank you. To all the excited people who were happy to give to such a worthy cause and stop and chat for a bit, thank you. And to Christopher Lloyd coming to Canada and drawing even more attention to the Time Machine, thank you.

Even without Christopher Lloyd in the car lines were long and people's patience was tested. The rooms were hot, crowded and smelled of sweaty farts. So if you stuck it out and donated your hard-earned money, I sincerely thank you. Alternately, if you stuck it out and donated stolen money, I also sincerely thank you.

18th Annual Woodward Cruise

The Woodward Dream Cruise in Royal Oak, Michigan, is essentially the world's largest car show. Millions of people show up every year to admire and laugh at the amazing and ridiculous parade of cars in front of them.

Yes, I have been to the Woodward Cruise many times before, but this is the first time I drove my DeLorean up and down the avenue. I drove alongside Corvettes and Chevelles, Thunderbirds and Triumphs, Packards and Porsches.

I appreciated the wild amount of cheering my car garnered as I cruised, doors open. It got more attention than most. After all, I was smack-dab in the middle of John DeLorean's territory.

As I crept along, I had a strange conversation with a bystander. Yelling over the din of the rumbling V-8s, it went like this:
"Where's John?"
"Cemetery!"
"In jail?"
"No, he's dead!"
"Did he die in jail?"
"No! New Jersey!"
On my second day of cruising a convertible pulled alongside me. The conversation was lighter (and cuter) as the girls filmed me for Street Sport TV (hooray!) and made Back to the Future comments.

Heavy police presence and huge fines hindered antics, launches and burnouts, but there were still a few bad boys willing to take the chance. Especially when egged by spectators holding signs that read, "Drive it like you got a pair!"

I eventually fell victim to this. Stopped in traffic I was provoked by the relentless badgering of an 8 year old girl. Yeah, you heard me. Soon a guy joined her, egging me to rev my engine. Over and over I resisted... then failed.

Saturday afternoon, at the Woodward Cruise, I revved the dinky 2.8 litre Peugeot/Renault/Volvo V-6 and did the DeLorean community proud. With my new aluminum water pump pulley and K&N filter, the engine revved faster than it has before. In a second I hit 7 grand. It sounded surprisingly good. Then the rpms dropped, dropped some more and then dropped some more. Right to 0.

I stalled.

Embarrassed, I nervously started it up and drove away, having proved to the crowds that the DeLorean really is that great big pile of crap they all think it is. Yay me.

StreetSportTV.com

I Just Want It To Work!

I'm having an identity crisis. I live in the future. I use futuristic technology. And I occasionally enjoy that technology.

But today's tech is total crap. Yet because of my age I'm forced to embrace this glitchy crap technology that requires 78 calls to tech support and 99% of the time they don't even know how to fix it.

How many times have you heard, or said, "the system's down." The system! THE SYSTEM! Why do we all rely on the system? What IS the system? I have a poo-making system. I put food inside me and my system turns it into modern technology. I mean shit. Sorry. "The system" is an all-encompassing term that basically means nothing because you yourself have no idea what it is. And your system is different than my system and OH DEAR GOD IT'S DOWN!

Old stuff doesn't go down and ruin your day. I'm not buying a new forty-five dollar plastic sprinkler with a fifty dollar digital timer. Gimme a break. First, I don't want to call tech support for a freakin' sprinkler. Second, I'll turn the water off when I BLOODY WELL FEEL LIKE IT.

I chose the simpler, more reliable path. I chose technology from 1960. I chose a New Old Stock Everain Turret sprinkler. With ONE moving part. It goes perfectly with my Weber charcoal grill. It goes fittingly with my TWO-STROKE Lawn-Boy mower. Clean air and life on earth be damned! I WILL have reliable technology!

And so I will set aside the mind-bogglingly awesome box it came in. And I will carefully remove the tag that declares there to be only 4 different lawn shapes. And I will water my lawn.

I will endure the taunts from other 30 year olds who think I'm some grandpa who doesn't know what a twitter is, or why people want to talk on the skype. And to prove I'm still hip and cool I'll go to Starbucks and order one of those free wifi's all the coffee shops are giving away.