Halloween Candy Oscars 2013 - Part 1

It's that time of year again! I'm rolling out the blood-soaked red carpet for a whole new batch of candy for this year's installment of the Halloween Candy Oscars. Halloween's popularity cycles and 2013 has been shaping up to be a dull year. Halloween candy choices haven't been good this year as dim-wittted candy companies continue to change their packaging instead of actual product.

One company, however, has finally introduced some actual Halloween-themed goodies to Canada for 2013! I have never seen these products in Canada before now. Thanks to Target, the Au'some products are widely available.

The first is something called Klik. There are three different characters: a jack-o-lantern, a skull and a mummy. Sliding the spring-loaded chamber open allows you to fill the body with a roll of hard candies, very similar to a PEZ dispenser. Unsimilar to PEZ however, the Au'some candies taste like 3 tons of crap. The biggest difference between the two is that the Klik dispensers don't open to offer you candy. Instead, you pull back on a lever and FIRE one out! While the dispenser wisely states "Warning! Do not aim at eyes or face" I found this to be the best part of Klik. In the name of science I shot myself in the face multiple times, point blank. I did not go blind, cry or die; the candies were merely annoying.

The second is a gummy candy called 3-Dees. The 3-Dees live in a ghastly gravestone shaped box, with a blood-spattered mummy on one side, and blood-spattered Frankenstein on the other. The evil gummies inside (Dracula, a bat, and a jack-o-lantern) are highly detailed all the way around and come in 3 flavours. I am not fond of strawberry flavoured candy, but these were not bad. The orange ones were my favourite. Sadly, the watermelon flavour (typically my fav) did not taste anything even remotely close to watermelon. In fact, I can't even begin to guess at what flavour they taste like. I'm sure you could tell people it's "mouldy-pizza-crust-with-buttered-popcorn-and-Snooki's-tanning-lotion flavour" and they'd believe you.

Third up is something a bit different. The Candy Cauldron! Each package contains a black cauldron filled with fizzy powdered candy as well as a broom made of hard candy, like a sucker. Pretty neat right? Lick the broom (mine was apple), dip it in the powder, and suck it. Cool.

Unfortunately, the powder inside the cauldron just didn't do much for me. The fizzyness was minimal. So was the flavour. Despite that, it was still lots of fun, and instantly ups the cool-factor of any desk it sits on by at least 5 warts.









Finally I offer you the Gummy Mummy! The Gummy Mummy is a single, large gummy (40 grams). Mine was orange, but they're available in strawberry and mouldy-pizza-crust-with-buttered-popcorn-and-Snooki's-tanning-lotion flavour as well. The eyes are a little reminiscent of Darth Vader and the bandage/wrap detail is excellent, but does not extend around the back like the 3-Dees. It's kind of like a work of art. Obviously a beef jerky mummy would be more realistic but it's still pretty great. Want to sit alone on the subway? While you are chewing it scream, "I AM EATING TUTANKHAMUN!" and watch your elbow room increase dramatically.

Unless you're a rich (fair warning, swear word approaching quickly) asshole, these are probably not meant to hand out on October 31st. At around $1.29 each, they were awkwardly priced for trick-or-treaters. Each one seems to have both pros and cons but they're still tons of fun, especially if you're caught up in the spirit of things, no pun intended.

Halloween Candy Oscars 2012

Halloween is creeping up on us again (pun intended) which means it's time for the Halloween Candy Oscars yet again. One of you is probably saying "It's about damn time!" And my other reader is likely closing my blog right now. Go suck a banana, Jody.

Disappointment is in the air for 2012. As I've said, Halloween's popularity cycles and so does the candy. This year it was nearly impossible to find good Halloween-themed treats.

Spooky Eyes gumballs and Frankford's Gummy Body Parts, as great as they are, have not changed one bit from last year. And many things I've awarded prizes to in the past are long dead and gone, buried in the candy graveyard.

This year I chose three products I'd never seen before to do battle for the best Halloween candy of 2012.

The first is certainly brand new - Cadbury's Screme Egg. A sick twist on the Easter Creme egg gives us a creepy new Halloween treat. I purchased a box of 50 mini Screme Eggs for about $9. the box claims 50 eggs but I counted 51. Green goo and an amazing marketing campaign really boost the Screme Egg. But it's difficult to separate the marketing from the product. In the end, the egg is virtually identical to the regular egg.

Next is Betty Crocker's Halloween Fruit Flavored Snacks which I picked up in the good ol' USA for less than $4. Betty Crocker? Making Halloween shit? You better believe it jackasses! These may well have been available in previous years. I have not seen them before, however. At first I nearly passed on them, thinking they'd just "Halloweened" the packaging with nice traditional costume silhouettes: Ghost, Fairy, Devil, Witch and uh... dude in a top hat. Note to candy companies: you CANNOT simply change your packaging for Halloween! It is NOT acceptable! It's a cop out, and frankly a bit embarrassing.

Betty, on the other hand, offers wicked "spooky shapes" such as a spider, a jack-o-lantern, a witch's hat, a ghost, a bat, and scaredy cat. Nicely done. The box suggests 28 pouches are inside and that is precisely what I counted. The packet I opened didn't have the cat or the spider. But what I tasted was delicious grape & orange flavours.

Finally, a chocolate product. Kudos to Mars Foods for their Snickers Pumpkins. Again, this is something I picked up in the USA and haven't seen before. At 62.4 grams, each pair of 'kins is the equivalent of a chocolate bar. Each cost me a dollar whopping 50 at a gas station. I didn't care. I was excited to find a new Halloween treat!

And the Snickers Pumpkin did not disappoint. It's a smooth molded jack-o-lantern with spooky Snickery caramel & peanuts condensed inside. I think I actually prefer this to a regular Snickers! Even the package is spooked up with two great looking Jack-o-lanterns and a really nice font on the "Pumpkins." Unfortunately, it's not ideal for handing out to trick-or-treaters. I truly hope there are plans for singles in a big box next year.

Yes, I always make a big deal about awesome packaging, and Cadbury has it with their retail displays and three awesome new foil wrappers (in Canada). The green goo couldn't be more perfect for Halloween. Green automatically implies scary: Aliens, tentacles, and snot! AAAUGH! That, combined with the amazing packaging and store displays earn Cadbury two rotting zombie thumbs up for the best Halloween Candy of 2012.

Halloween Candy Oscars 2011
Halloween Candy Oscars 2009

The New Cadbury Screme Egg

Have you seen these? The Cadbury Screme Egg? They've been available for just over a month, and they're brilliant. So brilliant in fact, that I literally screamed in the store when I saw them, and wondered why I hadn't thought of the idea first.

Screme instead of creme? Brilliant! Creepy green goo instead of yellow? Brilliant! Mummy wraps and pink brain foil wrappers? Brilliant! And a killer display to boot!

I have a love/hate relationship with Cadbury. As you may know, Cadbury is not forthcoming in their creme egg production. While no person (that I'm aware of) has filed a lawsuit over their lying about egg production, they are clearly are hiding the truth from consumers.

If you read my previous post about Cadbury, you'll know they're either a bit of an evil corporation, or their staff is dumb as hell. Either way, it is a concern for the public.

The fact is, Cadbury eggs are not all made or shipped by Kraft Foods. Hershey has the Cadbury contract in the United States. When egg-demand cannot be met in Canada, Hershey fills the void, shipping eggs up from the States, wrapped in different foil, which Cadbury denies.

Now, I have no problem with Hershey being involved. Where I have a problem is with Cadbury covering it up and/or lying to consumers about it. Even a child knows honesty is the best policy, but Cadbury doesn't see it that way. With food-related illness, deaths and lawsuits at higher instances than ever before, there should be more transparency ever in the food industry. But Cadbury just doesn't get it.

Luckily, what they DO get, is that consumers want amazing Halloween-themed treats. It's nice to know that once you get past the stupidity of their front-line staff, there are some scorchingly great minds working there.

The Cadbury Screme Egg: proof that there is some goodness in everything evil.

Halloween Candy Oscars 2011

Halloween is amazing. It's the only time of year when parents turn the other cheek and allow their kids to take candy from strangers. And when you're taking a chance like that, make sure you get the BEST candy. So just what is the best Halloween candy for 2011?

Last year the Halloween Candy Oscars suffered because the Halloween candy niche has been severely neglected by confectionery companies. Halloween seems to cycle, and lately it has not been popular. The proof is in the pudding... er... candy, as it were.

This year I struggled to come up with solid Halloween-themed competitors in any category. I found one chocolate. I found one gummy. I found zero lollies. And I only found Spooky Eyes and Pumpkin Faces gumballs in bulk. It was atrocious.

Candy companies are simply not interested in putting a quality Halloween candy on the market. For the big guys, it's cheaper to manufacture tiny useless versions of their full sized candy or chocolate. For the niche market players, it's simply cheaper not to compete at all. And when that happens, all teh childrenz lose out. Won't somebody think of teh childrenz?!

However, Frankford has once again come forth with an awesome assortment of bloodcurdling body parts. Every year Frankford impresses, but there have been BIG changes in 2011 and not all are for the better. The biggest difference you will notice is the packaging. Gone is the beautifully designed, creeptacular coffin container. I was only able to find a bag of body parts, which states there are 7 different gruesome candies.

On the upside, there is a new, fantastically delicious body part. Teeth! Okay, some of you astute readers or candy connoisseurs will remember that Frankford used to have gummy fangs. Well, the gummy fangs have gone to the candy graveyard. They've been updated with hard candy teeth. Teeth so bone-crunchingly good they give me shivers. Trust me when I tell you they crunch pretty damn accurately. (I've chewed a real human tooth before, yeah.)

But to every upside there's a downside. Just like the dreadfully demonic downsizing episode of 2007, it looks as though Frankford shrunk their gummies again. At this point, they can't really get much smaller without becoming stupid-looking, so I'm not worried this trend will continue. In fact, I predict in the near future, a bloody heart will be their next addition.

The gory popped-out eyes, bleeding foot, ripped-off nose, bloody finger, oozing ear and scooped-out brain remain as delicious as ever. However, I did find a lot less of them in the bag, which is supposed to contain 45 individually wrapped body parts. As usual, I had to count to make sure.

The bag contents breaks down like this:
26 teeth (each containing 5 crunchy teeth)
10 brains
3 ears
3 fingers
3 eyeballs
2 feet
2 noses

If you added that up, you'll notice what I noticed too: A four-body-part BONUS! A second bag of body parts yielded almost identical results.

This year all those rotten candy companies who bailed on teh childrenz sure made my job easier. 2011's Halloween Candy Oscar for best Halloween candy goes to Frankford, hands down, for their gruesome Body Parts.

Halloween Candy Oscars 2009
Halloween Candy Oscars 2008

Halloween Candy Oscars 2009 - Part 5

HALLOWEEN IS HERE, and with it, the final category for the never-famous Halloween Candy Oscars where I always dish out the deadly details on the most delicious, best Halloween candy.

For Best Gummy Candy this year, we have Frankford's Gummy Body Parts going up against Spooky Treats' Graveyard Gummies and Horror Flix's massive Grave Grabbers. I found all three to be excellent contenders, with great detail and demented, fermented flavour.

Frankford again surprises with two major positive changes for 2009. The first is the obvious coffin that that contains the gummy body parts. The old grey coffin is replaced with a more realistic brown, with fabulous details such as evil red hands and blood-soaked nails. Also, they've given up the use of a spacer to increase its size, resulting in a coffin now half as deep as the old one, but which is 100% full of body parts.

2009 also sees yet another addition to the Gummy Body Parts - a freshly scooped brain! And with that bleeding cerebellum comes a new colour. Typical colours were a pink flesh tone, blood red, and white. But the new brain adds blue to the spooky spectrum, and major creep factor to the body parts. What's next for Frankford? A torn-out heart perhaps? Cross your severed fingers!

While the flavour is still superb, there is some disappointment. Body parts appear to have shrunk again, and instead of 100, there are now only 90. I did a full count when I opened my coffin, and indeed there were 90 bloody body parts. The removal of 10 gummies, plus the possible shrinkage has reduced the weight of the coffin from 750g to 675g. As well, the gummy consistency is all over the map. Severed fingers and noses are extremely flabby & soft, while fangs and feet are properly chewy.

Next up we have the goulish Grave Grabbers. These gummy hands come in various shapes, individually sealed. Click here to see the strawberry Skeleton hand, the green apple gnarled green monster hand, and the blue raspberry rotting corpse hand.

Distinguishing the subtle difference between the Skeleton hand and Frankford's body parts is like biting into a zombie's shin and trying to determine if he died Tuesday at midnight or Wednesday at 1 a.m. The Monster hand's apple flavour could not have come across more perfectly. And I've never tasted a more delicious rotting corpse's hand. Not that I hang out in morgues and do that kind of thing (on a regular basis, anyway).

Despite the details being the best of all the gummies, there is a devilish downside to these giant appendages. At a dollar apiece, these macabre mitts aren't very cost effective to hand out at Halloween, although if you did, your trick-or-treaters would be screaming - with joy.

Finally we have Spooky Treats' Graveyard Gummies. Each package contains only 12 of the gummies. But each package only costs $1.00. The gummy is black and coffin-shaped, each one with a different coloured mummy laying in/on it. These mummy detail is decent, while, aside from the shape, there is no coffin detail whatsoever.

Compared to the rest, these are about as exciting as a decapitated vampire. At such a low price, I was expecting them to taste like mouldy coffins and dusty mummy wrappings. But I was impressed. Their ghastly grape flavour is superb! It's such a nice surprise to have such a different tasting gummy. Overall though, nothing rocketed these to super-stardom.

I have to give Grave Grabbers two severed thumbs up for their fab detail, but their size is both a pro and a con. Graveyard Gummies receive two werewolf knuckles up for their great grape taste, but other than that, they're a little boring.

It's obvious Frankford is pouring money into their Halloween candy dept. Not only did they have an additional shape to flaunt this year, their graphic artist really stepped up to the crematorium and designed a superb new coffin container. Frankford's Gummy Body Parts wins 2009's Halloween Candy Oscar for best gummy candy! I can't wait to see what they have in store for the future.

Check out Halloween Candy Oscars 2009 - Part 4
Check out Halloween Candy Oscars 2009 - Part 3
Check out Halloween Candy Oscars 2009 - Part 2
Check out Halloween Candy Oscars 2009 - Part 1

Halloween Candy Oscars 2009 - Part 4

Stories that start with "When I was a kid..." I find hilarious. Unless they aren't funny. Like the one below.

When I was a kid, we didn't get marshmallow things for Halloween. Popular items were often things like pumpkin gumballs and movie monster candy sticks. A can of pop was like striking gold. And of course, there were the obvious chocolate bars, most especially coveted were Reese Peanut Butter Cups. But with all the children allergic to peanuts these days, Halloween safety seems to revolve around peanut avoidance rather than wearing brightly coloured costumes. IE Rainbow Brite or pretty much any of the Teletubbies.

Nowadays there are a few marshmallow treats to enjoy. For the category of Best Marshmallow Halloween candy, I present to you once again the Hershey Pumpkin, and Frankford's Marshmallow Pals.

Hershey has done essentially nothing with their marshmallow pumpkin over the years. Prices fluctuate, but the marshmallow unit basically remains the same. It's a fairly large, turd-like treat. The marshmallow is very gooey, and is covered in what seems to be dark chocolate, although the packaging does not state cocoa content. The pumpkin has a vague shape. It is round, a typical pumpkin shape. At the top there is a small protrusion which is intended to be a stem, but overall detail is poor.

I know what you're saying. "Who cares!" Right? As long as it tastes awesome, really, who does care? Well, I suppose, people like me. But how it looks sometimes has to come second to how it tastes. And the pumpkin tastes good. Especially if you like dark chocolate. Personally, I feel it's like a 14 day old zombie; it's a little too strong.

Then there's Frankford's Marshmallow Pals. Hand-decorated Marshmallow Pals! There are four classic Halloween "heads" - a witch, Dracula, the Frankenstein monster, and a jack-o-lantern. Did I mention they're hand-decorated? Each one has incredible candy detailing that crunches like fresh femurs between your teeth. It's hard to choose which one is the most impressive. The witch has a buckle across her hat, green candy hair, and a wart, while ol' Frankie comes complete with forehead scar and neck bolts. As an added bonus, the marshmallow is soft and perfect, not sticky or gooey.

Although quite a bit smaller than the Hershey Pumpkin, Marshmallow Pals still pack a mouthful of terrifying tastiness. In fact, I find them to be my favourite treat of the Halloween season. Truly, they are edible works of art. Although I suppose technically the Mona Lisa is also edible.

Regardless, Marshmallow Pals wins the Halloween Candy Oscar for Best Marshmallow Candy this year. And until Hershey steps up their game, or Frankford loses all their Chinese child labourers in some freak candy factory disaster, these creepy Pals are going to wear this crown for a very long time.

Check out Halloween Candy Oscars 2009 - Part 5
Check out Halloween Candy Oscars 2009 - Part 3
Check out Halloween Candy Oscars 2009 - Part 2
Check out Halloween Candy Oscars 2009 - Part 1

Halloween Candy Oscars 2009 - Part 3

Great Halloween candy MUST comply to the following three rules. First, it must be Halloween-themed, by which I mean it cannot simply be some cheap, "fun sized" version of normal, everyday chocolate bars or candy - it must be uniquely Halloween shaped. Two, it must only be available at Halloween. If you can get it year-round, it's NOT Halloween candy, so listen up candy companies! Third, it must be delicious. Who cares if it meets the first two requirements if it makes you want to blow candy chunks all over your dead mother's grave?

Those are hard rules. No exceptions. And in the Hard Candy category this year I have two competitors. 2009's first offering is from Zed Candy followed by the ever-faithful Boneheads by Oak Leaf.

Zed Candy is selling Pumpkinheads in jack-o-lantern adorned tins as well as Skulls & Bones in tins decorated with a gold-toothed skeleton pirate and ghostly pirate ship. Each tin is supposed to contain 60 packages, but in all the excitement of the new candy, I forgot to count them before I dug in.

The Pumpkinheads are all the same. Check them out here. They are pumpkin-shaped, and taste like any orange candy should. Upon sinking your werewolf fangs into them, Pumpkinheads crush to super yummy powder.

Skulls & Bones are very different. If you can't guess what each package contains, I'm not going to tell you. The skulls and bones are mixed colours: blood red, regular red, orange, yellow, green, blue, white, and black. Each colour is a different flavour, but I found them to be quite inconsistent. Sometimes dark red ones were spicy like cinnamon hearts while other times they were fruity. Regular red ones were almost always fruity, but once in a while I happened upon an odd flavour I couldn't place.

Blue was most likely a blue raspberry flavour and was one of my favourites. Orange was orange, green was sort of apple-y and yellow was banana/pineapple-ish. Black was weird and indescribable, which leaves white. I can only depict it as some sort of delicious "bone" flavour. I seriously couldn't tell what many of them were supposed to represent in the fruit world.

Compared to Boneheads, the Skulls & Bones candy was relatively bad. I found Boneheads, roughly the same size and shape, to be consistently consistent. Fruit flavours were apparent and very good. Unlike "bobbing for appendixes" in a barrel full of zombie guts, you were never left guessing what you just ate.

Overall, I found that I liked Zed Candy's Pumpkinheads best, despite the fact that they cost almost $8. They were delicious to the max, and the nice tin was a total bonus. Boneheads, although consistent and excellent, just didn't have that special something to put them over the top. A solid second place for sure. Zed Candy's Skulls & Bones, however, are a failure in my books.

2009's Halloween Candy Oscar for Best Hard Candy therefore goes to ZED, for their formidable Pumpkinheads, and NOT for their Skulls & Bones.

Check out Halloween Candy Oscars 2009 - Part 5
Check out Halloween Candy Oscars 2009 - Part 4
Check out Halloween Candy Oscars 2009 - Part 2
Check out Halloween Candy Oscars 2009 - Part 1

Halloween Candy Oscars 2009 - Part 2

Lately I've been working my ass off, which is nothing to sneeze at given how little ass I've got to begin with. As a result however, I've neglected the Halloween Candy Oscars. But it's not entirely my fault. So who's fault is it?

It is the fault of candy companies.

It's hard to get excited and award an imaginary award to an inanimate piece of candy that neither acknowledges its achievement nor thanks me for my effort. Like I'd mentioned in the first HCO awards this year, I wasn't able to find comparables for every candy category.

In the case of gumballs, the Pumpkin Faces gumballs were all I could find this year. Gone were last year's winner, Spooky Eyes gumballs. And I haven't seen 2005's winner, Concord Confections “Halloween Combo” since, well, 2005.

But that's not a bad thing. Looking at the bright side of things, we should count our lucky disemboweled zombie torsos that somebody still has the guts (don't pardon the pun - it was made on purpose so enjoy it) to put out a Halloween-themed gumball.

The Pumpkin Faces gum consists of orange gumballs with black jack-o-lantern details and black gumballs with white jack-o-lantern details. Orange tasted like orange, while black tasted quite different. I honestly couldn't say what it was supposed to be, but the enormous sugar content ensures it is delicious without compromise.

Gum is essentially a wad of sugar. Aside from chewing stale pus-oozed zombie eyes, it's hard to have a bad-tasting gumball. That's why Concord's amazing Halloween Combo really shined. Some spurted blood. Others discharged delectable green slime. Others still were filled with tiny candy seeds. Incredible!

But with no competition this year, the Pumpkin Faces gumballs reigned supreme. It's not an unwarranted victory though. Two severed thumbs up for the ONLY Halloween-themed gumball I could find in Ontario for 2009.

Check out Halloween Candy Oscars 2009 - Part 5
Check out Halloween Candy Oscars 2009 - Part 4
Check out Halloween Candy Oscars 2009 - Part 3
Check out Halloween Candy Oscars 2009 - Part 1

Halloween Candy Oscars 2009 - Part 1

Dearest boys and gouls, you've waited long enough. It is time. Time for what? For the bloodiest, creepiest, Halloweenyest Halloween candy countdown Canada has to offer - The Halloween Candy Oscars 2009! And celebrating my 5th-and-a-half anniversary doing so. May the best Halloween candy of 2009 win!

I decided to start off 2009's Halloween Candy Oscars by sucking. And by sucking, I mean ramming creeptacular lollipops into my mouth. As you may or may not know, I usually compare a couple of different Halloween-themed treats, then choose a favourite. This year, however, will suck (pun intended), as I wasn't able to find comparables for every category despite a few nice surprises on our store shelves.

One of those surprises happened to be Frankford's Monster Lollipop Rings, or, if you're French, Bagues sucons en forme de monstre. I haven't seen these in Canada before and assume these monsters crossed the border without passports.

A tombstone on the bag proclaims the contents to be 25 rings. Upon counting, I discovered this was true, with one package accidentally containing two Frankenstein Monster heads. The other two shapes are a sinister jack-o-lantern, and an evil skull. The breakdown was:
10 Frankensteins
10 Skulls
5 Jack-o-lanterns

The package shows all three rings being displayed by what appears to be Frankenstein's green, grizzled hand. It also states that the rings are fruit flavoured. Since it did not divulge what those fruit flavours were, I tried all three.

The Skull was my first. It was an opaque white, and initial detail was reasonably good. Upon sucking the skull, the sunken eye sockets and other markings faded. It was sweet, as a fresh skull would be, but I couldn't ascertain the intended fruit flavour. If vanilla and sugar were merged into candy form, I suppose this would be it, although I'm probably very wrong.

Second was the rare Jack-o-lantern. Detail was again, decent, but it was much more obvious in terms of flavour. It tasted like an orange creamsicle... with just a hint of werewolf blood.

Finally, the horrifying Frankenstein Monster tantalized my tastebuds while he perched on my finger. Although glossy and smooth, facial features and neck bolts were still obvious. Apple was clearly the flavour, but it was muted.

Overall, their flavours were a little dull. Kids will find the lack of taste far more horrific than the ghastly faces. But when it comes to unique Halloween-themed candy that's as fun to look at as it is to eat, Frankford is hard to beat. And maybe that's why nobody really tried to compete against them this year. Absent from stores were Harry Potter Blood Pops (also a Frankford product) and Jolly Rancher's Creepy Pops.

However, I did find ONE other creepy lollipop: the Spooky Lip Pop. They are not small at 23 grams each, and only sold individually. What makes it so expensive, and impressive, is the huge plastic zombie mouth which replaces the traditional stick. Sucking on one of these babies instantly transforms you!

I chose watermelon, as it is one of my absolute fav flavours. And it was very good. Indeed, the plastic zombie mouth with creepy, cracked zombie teeth was awesome, but at a dollar apiece, Flix Candy "Big Stuff Lip Pop" is hardly cost-effective to give out at Halloween. And what exactly am I supposed to do with the plastic zombie mouth once I'm done?

In the category of lollipop, the Monster Rings are a more logical choice, even if they didn't quite win the taste test. It was a close one, but 2009's winner for best Halloween Lollipop? Frankford's Monster Rings, by a warty witch nose.

Check out Halloween Candy Oscars 2009 - Part 5
Check out Halloween Candy Oscars 2009 - Part 4
Check out Halloween Candy Oscars 2009 - Part 3
Check out Halloween Candy Oscars 2009 - Part 2

Sucking Large: Hershey's Goodies

Like all the men who came before me, Maria toys with my emotions, giving me hope when I know there is none. She barely answers my burning questions, and won't even give me her proper email address. She works for Hershey, precisely, the customer service department.


To: consumerinfo@hersheysConsumerRelations.com
Date: Aug. 5, 2009

I am in awe of what you've done to the new "Goodier" Goodies. To my recollection, I have never seen such an enormous change to a product. What amazes me in particular is how you took such a delicious product - and utterly destroyed it. The perfect balance between the candy coating and the licorice is gone. They are overpowering, like the lingering odour of dead fish. How could this product get approved? I truly, sincerely hope the new "Goodier" Goodies are temporary and that management will come to their senses and reverse this blunder!
- A Former Goodie Lover.
-----------------------



I can barely bare

to read the response that's

not in Haiku form:





From: consumerinfo@hersheysConsumerRelations.com
To: theguywhomadetheawesomebendercostume@superstud.com
Sent: Thursday, August 06, 2009 4:18 PM
Subject: Re: REF NUMBER: 006043819A

Thank you for contacting us about GOODIES candy. I am sorry you were disappointed and appreciate you bringing this to our attention.

Our product line is continuously evaluated. Occasionally products are reformulated to increase their appeal to consumers' preferences. The reformulation is accompanied by extensive market research testing to ensure that consumers will like the change.

We work closely to keep our Marketing Department informed of both the positive and negative input received from consumers. Your comments are valuable and have been forwarded to the Marketing Department.

This email address is restricted for outgoing messages only. For that reason, please do not respond to this email as the inbox is not monitored.

Maria Miller
Consumer Representative
-----------------------

Have you ever been shocked and disappointed in a product change? Have you ever been included in the so-called "extensive market research testing" these companies claim to undertake? Maria makes me cry. I don't know whether it's because she's lying to me, or because I'm so immature that I just can't handle it.

Halloween Candy Oscars 2008 - Part 5

Today, the wait is over. Halloween is here, and I've rolled out the bloody red carpet because it is a special occasion. This is the first time I've chosen a best chocolate for Halloween.

Is it true that good things come to those who wait? If you've waited this long to buy your Halloween candy, perhaps not, as all the good stuff is likely gone. But if you've stuck around to see the final installment of the Halloween Candy Oscars 2008 you're in for a treat.

Crummy candy companies like to shrink their standard chocolates to the tiniest sizes they can get away with. They call these dwarf treats "fun size" when the reality is they are not fun at all.

Everyone knows that with the exception of hamsters, small things aren't fun. Bigger is always better, so why are these candy companies trying to trick us into thinking small is the new fun? History will prove that society will not fall for this bit of trickery. Especially if companies like Hershey have anything to say.

Around here, it is always a challenge to find Halloween-themed chocolate. But when the rare few companies put the effort into making these once-a-year treats, I will always return the favour by buying them, eating them, then excreting them. One of the best finds on store shelves is the Reese Pumpkin. Roughly pumpkin-shaped, this peanut butter delight is bigger than a regular Reese Peanut Butter Cup. Other than the size and shape, it is identical to a regular 'nut cup, which is, fantastic. Its pumpkinish shape makes eating it an even happier experience, if that is possible. Only something gory or oozing could possibly make the Reese Pumpkin better.

Enter Palmer and their tasty Dr. Scab's Monster Lab body parts. The excellent artwork on the box features body parts bursting through a rotted coffin, and even a Jacob's ladder. When the outside of the packaging is good, what's inside usually follows suit.

Inside the box, each chocolate is individually wrapped in recyclable foil. Choices are double crisp fingers, ears & toes, peanut butter filled lips and fudge filled eyes. The foil around each chocolate is printed in colour, and specific to each body part! This attention to detail is exactly what I look for in my 'ween candy. At first I wasn't expecting these to be good. To be honest, I was expecting that cheap water chocolate that's so horrible you'd rather eat your own mother's disemboweled internal bits. But I was totally surprised to find that this chocolate is very, very good. It was extremely sweet and tasty to the max.

The chocolate (and the peanut butter for that matter) in each of the opponents is not really comparable because they are so different. So, it is a matter of your own personal preference. But, considering the environment, the Palmer chocolates are a no-brainer as the packaging is 100% recyclable vs. only 50% for the Reese Pumpkin. The Monster Lab's gruesome foil wraps for each body part are a real bonus and it's because of this prime Halloween detail that I have to conclude 2008's Halloween Candy Oscars by awarding the best Halloween chocolate to Palmer for Dr. Scab's Monster Lab body parts.

Two totally green, stitched-together-but-still-oozing-a-little-bit Frankenstein thumbs up for the sweet chocolate, and the wicked foil wrap on each one. This kind of treat really puts the big-name chocolate companies to shame as they put greater care into making kids' Halloween nights (and the belly-aching days that follow) super-duper special.

Check out Halloween Candy Oscars - Part 4.
Check out Halloween Candy Oscars - Part 3.
Check out Halloween Candy Oscars - Part 2.
Check out Halloween Candy Oscars - Part 1.

Halloween Candy Oscars 2008 - Part 4

Watching all these Freddy & Jason movies at Halloween has really got me in the mood for cutting and slashing. As you can see, with Halloween just around the corner, I'm really cutting it close with my Halloween Candy Oscars!

Sticking with that theme, I'm moving on to best gummy candy for 2008, starting with the gory body parts found inside the Spooktacular Mansion. The mansion is essentially a shoebox. On the box is a cartoonish haunted house surrounded by goofy-looking ghosts with their tongues hanging out, a couple of bats and a few truly evil-looking jack-o-lants, perhaps to offset the silliness.

For less than nine dollars you get 70 gummy body parts. These body parts include severed ears & noses, a poppped-out eye, gruesome disfigured hillbilly teeth and, confusingly, a pair of lips. But really, the lips may be the most frightening gummy of all as you feebly attempt to imagine of how this precision act was accomplished. Yes, the mystery of how the lips were sliced off will gnaw at your brain while you gnaw on the surprisingly un-bloody lips.

The colours of the Spooktacular Mansion gummies are simple and muted. In fact, there really are only two colours on the gummies: pink and white. But the eyeball contains a black pupil of death that's worth mentioning.

The overall detail on the Spooktacular Mansion gummies is not excellent. There are air bubbles and imperfections in them. In my twisted & scrunched opinion, however, this actually adds to the effect of the teeth, my favourite of the bunch. The overall flavour of the gummies is good. They're not the best I've ever had but there is nothing bad about them and if I caught you throwing one out I'd smack your face. You heard me.

Dead set (pardon the pun) on regaining the title after losing last year, Frankford has brought back their creepy coffin full of Gummy Body Parts for another go at it. For about eleven dollars (just below the average donation to GreenPeace) you get 100 gummies. Body parts have remained the same with a bloody nose, dismembered foot, severed ear, severed thumb, eyeball and set of Dracula fangs.

The Frankford gummies are very yummy. My mutated taste buds prefer their bloody flavour over the Spooktacular Mansion gummies. The colours are also very good. Blood is red, while skin tones are pink. Other details are white.

If you enjoy displaying your candy rather than eating it, Frankford wins, first with their superior detail on the actual body parts and again with their creepy, nifty and cardboardy reusable coffin display container. If you love all things Halloween and always wanted a coffin displayed in your bedroom but your mom wouldn't let you because uncle Christopher was starting to stink up the place, this is a good compromise.

These are the kinds of details that really send great companies over the top. For their superior Halloween packaging and overall better gummies, Frankford wins yet again as I award them the Halloween Candy Oscar for the best Gummy Body Parts. Two vampire fangs up for their good wholesome gummy flavour and the super special coffin they come in. Eating blood body parts hasn't been this fun since, well, last Hallowe'en.

Check out Halloween Candy Oscars - Part 3.
Check out Halloween Candy Oscars - Part 2.
Check out Halloween Candy Oscars - Part 1.

Halloween Candy Oscars 2008 - Part 3

Believe it or not, there are some people in the world who are not aware that Halloween is the greatest time of year. Surprising, I know. Yet, it remains a fact.

Speaking of facts, the Halloween Candy Oscars are the perfect place to discover facts about the best Halloween candy. Facts such as the best gumballs are ball-shaped. You see, the triangular ones are too sharp. Chewing those for a few seconds and your delicious gum suddenly begins to taste like a penny as the blood from your shredded mouth overwhelms your tastebuds. And while it may be Halloweeny to have blood pouring from your mouth, your gum simply doesn't taste very good.

Now, for Anyone who wanted to know what the best lollipop is for Halloween, you've come to the right place.

Back again is last year's best Halloween lollipop, the Creepy Pop by Jolly Rancher. These goulish pops haven't changed a bit since last year. Head options continue to be the lord of darkness (Dracula), an evil jack-o-lantern, a squiggling, wriggling ghost and a human head with no skin, muscle or flesh on it. IE, a skull. Flavours are identical to the sweet tastiness of Jolly Rancher candies, but renamed to make them frightening: Eerie Apple, Spooky Blue Raspberry, Wacky Watermelon and Goulish Grape.

Seems the desire to one-up your neighbour is universally consistent - even confectionary companies compete to outdo each other with the most radicallest Halloween candy. This is evident with Frankford's entry into the lollipop category this year.

Frankford has introduced Harry Potter Blood Pops. They are Strawberry flavoured and each bag is supposed to contain 28 lollies. Again, I had to count how many I actually got and again I was surprised to find another company that can't count. My bag contained a whopping TWO extra Blood Pops.

Harry Potter Blood Pops, made in Chile, are surprisingly similar to the deceased Charm's Dead Heads.

The packaging declares your mouth will turn blood red. The question is, will it? Can these suckers possibly live up to the exceptionally high standard set by Charm's wonderful creation? The answer is yes. In fact, upon eating one I suddenly found myself screaming "Oh dear God! I'm bleeding! I've sliced my mouth wide open with the razor sharp edges of this Harry Potter Blood... oh waitaminuite..." before realizing it was just the silly lollipop doing its job.

On top of that, they are surprisingly tasty. I am not a fan of artifical strawberry flavour and I was not expecting to like these at all. But I was very, very wrong.

There are good lollipops out there. Tootsie Pops are still great, and always will be, but they just don't fulfill the proper critera for Halloween. The Creepy Pops are totally excellent and I had a tough time deciding against them.

If a company can create a strawberry flavoured chunk of sugar to suck on that even I like, it's got to be good. It almost seems like Dead Heads have been resurrected for another year as Frankford has borrowed two of Dead Heads' key features: an awesome flavour oh-so-close to a Dead Head, and the way they turn your mouth red. For those reasons I have no choice but to declare Harry Potter Blood Pops the best Halloween lollipop for 2008. Two oozing zombie thumbs up for their taste and how they make your mouth totally bloody without eating an apple full of razor blades.

Check out Halloween Candy Oscars - Part 2.
Check out Halloween Candy Oscars - Part 1.

Halloween Candy Oscars 2008 - Part 2

Halloween is a time of year when children are encouraged to ask strangers for candy. Bizarre as it may seem, this is part of Halloween's charm. When else can one dress up as George Dubya and be admired? When else, besides the day you learn out to break off the tracking anklet, can you creep around in the dark without adult supervision? And when else, aside from robbing the local candy emporium, can you take home thirty-seven pounds of candy for FREE?

Yes, Halloween is like some surreal fantasy where the only thing sweeter than the treats are the girls dressed like Princess Leia in the gold bikini.

Upon unloading a haul of 'ween candy, however, it is disappointing to find regular corner-store gum mixed in with the other awesomeness. It's like walking into a Sci-Fi Convention only to find that every single person has, just like you, dressed as a Stormtrooper. There are no Princesses to be seen. That's why Oak Leaf's Spooky Eyes continue to be a welcome addition to Halloween-themed candy.

This year, as last, I was only able to find two kinds of Halloween Gum. The first is Bubble Brew, which is simply orange and black gumballs with simple pumpkin faces stamped, quite simply, onto them. Simple, really. Bubble Brew also contained regular boring gumballs mixed with the Pumpkin Faces gum.

The second is Spooky Eyes which, although made by the same company, are very different. The difference is the detail. Exquisite detail. Each bloodshot eyeball contains a pupil in the shape of a tiny skull and surrounded by little veins. This is really great stuff. What kid wouldn't like a veiny eyeball to chew?

The bag I bought was also massive at nearly 1 kilogram! In the top corner there was a deadly declaration that the bag contained 95 eerie eyeballs. The skeptic in me had to count them all to see how badly I got ripped off. As I approached a count of 90 I realized I was very wrong.

102 was the total. With 7 bonus gumballs, I was very impressed.

Sadly, Concord Confections still hasn't resurrected their Halloween Combo, despite 3 emails to them from yours truly. 2005's Halloween Candy winner, the absolute best Halloween gum anyone could possibly imagine, remains buried in the candy graveyard.

And so, for 2008, I crown Spooky Eyes the Best Halloween Gum for 2008. Two dusty mummy thumbs up for their exceptional skull pupil detail and tasty gum flavour that runs out in less than 90 seconds.

Check out 2008's Halloween Candy Oscars - Part 1.

Halloween Candy Oscars 2008 - Part 1

As you know by now, here at DMC&ME, I am completely dead-icated to all things Halloween. Dead puppies, dead kittens and dead monkeys, but unfortunately not Charms Dead Heads, as I learned they were foolishly discontinued by irresponsible mortals who understand not the power of 'Ween. However, there is always something tasty around the corner waiting to replace the forgotten candy of yesteryear.

With that, I bring you the best Halloween candy of 2008 - it's time again for the totally unfamous Halloween Candy Oscars! Now with extra chuff and even more candy than ever before!

There are many important aspects of Halloween, and candy is right up there at the top. As I've said before, sugary 'Ween treats, the ultimate prize for a hard night of walking and begging, shouldn't simply be miniature versions of regular chocolate bars. They should be unique and special, available only at Halloween. Those are the companies, the ingenious, proud and few that deserve our kudos, and our cash.

So, three cheers for Frankford who have brought the 'ween-loving public Marshmallow Pals in my first category of Best Halloween Candy 2008: Best Marshmallow Candy.

The packaging declares these devilish characters to be "Hand Decorated Witches, Pumpkins & Monsters." The monsters are Frankenstein and Dracula and both are goulishly green. Upon biteage, the marshmallowy goodness is superb, while the candy details add a burst of flavour and an awesome crunch reminiscent of chewing on bones. (Not that I've ever chewed human remains.) The details, pre-digestion of course, are superb thanks to well trained slave-child labourers in China, where they're produced. The size is also very good. I've placed a quarter beneath for comparison. Unfortunately, the lameass name, Marshmallow Pals, just doesn't do it for me.

Moving on, I was very excited to see Hershey's Marshmallow Pumpkins this year. I spotted them first at the Hershey Store in Niagara Falls. At a price of $1.49 each, I knew they'd be good, covered in scrumptious dark chocolate. I decided to buy a few, in case I couldn't find them elsewhere.

As I suspected, the chocolate was dark, like the inside of a mouldy jack-o-lantern on November 29th, and delicious like a hamburger with caramel, cookies and chocolate all over it. Inside, the gooey marshmallow oozed and compressed between my teeth. It took me nearly 47 minutes to finish the huge marshmallow. It was a quality Hershey product, no bones about it.

However, the 'pumpkin' aspect of it was lost. Instead, it appeared more like a smooth, round turd - something the sun had baked after the dog caringly placed it in your shoe at the back door one hot summer's day. Additionally, I found these at a local Dollar Store for a mere 50 cents each. It was a simple decision to buy more, as the ones I'd already bought would not last until Halloween.

With no detail on the Hershey Pumpkins, and a huge and insulting price discrepancy, I decided to award this year's Best Marshmallow Candy to Frankford's super cool Marshmallow Pals! Two crunchy skeleton thumbs up for their fantastic designs and yummy tastiness.

Power Supply Surprise

I replaced the power supply in my computer last week and found a big surprise waiting for me. A totally unexpected, awesome surprise that was both awesome and unexpected.

Ever since I got a sweet video card for my computer, I've been having problems. If I opened more than two windows or programs, my computer would freeze and the Task Manager would even crash.

I soon discovered that my power supply was a mere 250 watts, or about 1/7th the power of my hair dryer. Since my new video card required a minimum of 350 watts to run, I figured it was a safe bet my power supply was stretched to its limits and would soon explode, sending shrapnel into my poor, defenseless knees.

An I.T.-employed friend hooked me up with a new 420 watt power supply for $40. The Codegen Technology power supply boasts a super mega giant fan beneath it, instead of the typical small rear-mounted fans. It sucks air from inside the case, and redirects it out the back, keeping everything cooler overall. This massive "low noise" fan, about the size of Don Cherry's ego, is supposed to run much quieter as well, but I discovered that part wasn't true.

I also discovered a very cool surprise which sent my brain reeling back to the mid 1980s - the power supply smelled like candy. Delicious, intoxicating candy. I'm sure the plastic encased wires were not made in the Willy Wonka factory, but they smelled like they could've been.

I deeply inhaled the candylicious aroma before sealing the computer case forever. But I am weak. Weak to the power of candy. Once in a while I crack open the power supply's box, and take a sniff, then quickly shut the lid so the candy scent doesn't escape, and so that nobody catches me doing it. I like to sniff my candy in private.

It's embarrassing. I'm addicted to power supplies.

Halloween Candy Oscars 2007 - Part 4

Not long ago I received an email asking why I left chocolate off my list of Halloween Candy Oscars. Yes, chocolate is delicious and is an important part of October 31st, but I was unable to find Halloween shaped chocolates, so, thanks to jackass chocolate bar companies we are left with one type of candy to hand an award to – Gummy stuff. So, if you’ve stuck with me through the last week or so, congratulations. Today we reach the final Halloween Candy Oscar for 2007.

I was terribly excited to see the Gummy Body Parts coffin again this year and was totally willing to pay the $11 for it. In fact, I was so excited about it I may or may not have left a little puddle on the floor.

This year there have been some big changes for Frankford’s Gummy Body Parts. The packaging, the type and number of gummies, and the taste. Firstly, let’s have a look at the most obvious change – the box.

The coffin is still a coffin which can still be used as a candy dish or kitten burial device. However, the monster hands have been enlarged by over 300%. As well, this year the labels were printed directly onto the coffin instead of stickers stuck onto the shrink wrap around it. So, no matter what you serve from it in future years, your guests will always be confused and enraged when they discover they’re not eating Gummy Body Parts.

If you’ll notice last year’s coffin, take note of the 5 different shapes (bottom right corner). This year Frankford has gone against the trend to cheap-out, skimp, and try to save a buck or two by doing something amazing - adding another shape! And it’s totally rad to boot! Along with the popped out eyes, Dracula fangs, severed fingers, ears and noses, there is an awesome cut-off foot, bleeding like hell.

But there is a price to pay for the extra gummy. They’ve shrunk. But don’t start crying. There is a benefit to this. Instead of 75 bloody body parts, you now get 100!

This is good stuff, and you’d think we found a winner. But let’s consider a newcomer to the gummy game, Unknown Company. Wal-mart is selling Gummy Bones Candy from an unknown company which doesn’t put its name on the packaging. Seems strange... almost illegal.

Checking out the back of the bag I discovered the gummy bones were made in Brazil, and imported by Wal-mart. I chowed down of a few and to my surprise they were delicious. In fact, they were even yummier than the body parts, because somewhere down the line Frankford changed the flavour of their body parts as well. How do I know? Direct comparison – I had a few left-over from last Halloween and ate them back to back.

With all these changes going on with Frankford’s Gummy Body Parts I had a real tough time picking a winner. Here’s the breakdown:

• 2 Martini-thumbs up for the addition of a new bloody foot.


• 1 gnarled witch-thumb down for the coffin re-design.


• 1 Zombie-thumb up for the increase from 75 to 100 gummies.


• 1 Skeleton-thumb down for the new, smaller size.


• 1 Werewolf-knuckle down for the flavour change.

Don’t get me wrong – they’re still excellent in both theme and taste. But counting up the votes, they come out with an overall score of zero thumbs up.

And what of the Halloween Gummy Bones Candy? Two Martini-thumbs up for their awesome, boney taste followed by two Martini-thumbs up for their classic femur shapes. And I just can’t resist giving them two Martini-thumbs up for the goofy, smiling skeleton on the package wearing a freaking polka-dot bowtie. Oh, what the hell – two Martini-thumbs up for Brazil getting in on the Halloween candy action. Concluding HCO 2007, the Halloween Candy Oscar for Best Gummy Candy 2007 goes to Halloween Gummy Bones Candy!

Check out 2007’s Halloween Candy Oscars Part 1
Check out 2007’s Halloween Candy Oscars Part 2
Check out 2007’s Halloween Candy Oscars Part 3

Halloween Candy Oscars 2007 - Part 3

Bubble gum’s fortunes have been failing since I was a small child always looking for that next hit of sugar, and fearing the horrible crash that followed the high. I was a sugar junkie and Halloween was my dealer. Now that I’ve grown up, I like being ‘the dealer’ and getting kids all high and crazy on that specialest of special days, a day I like to call Ween.

This year I’ve continued on with my mostly non-famous Halloween Candy Oscars, citing the best Halloween candy for 2007.

For Best Gum 2007, the “Bubble Brew” with their black and orange Pumpkin Faces gumballs was a contender along with, well, basically Oak Leaf’s “Spooky Eyes” as the pickins was totally slim-ass this year. Halloween-themed gum is not easy to find. Especially since Concord Confections dumped their “Halloween Combo”, which was 2005’s Halloween Candy Oscar winner.

I like gum a lot, and think it makes for excellent variety when you’re dumping your Halloween loot out on your bed. When I was a kid I had a bunch of different names for gum including Gubble Bum and Bubble Bum. Anything with bum in the name is comedic genius when you’re 8.

And 30.
Actually, I don’t think asses ever lose their humour.

So, as you can see I’ve totally gone off-topic but deep down inside I know it doesn’t matter because there’s not much to say about the winner of the Halloween Candy Oscar for Best Gum 2007.

Oak Leaf’s Spooky Eyes taste like a standard gumball, full of standard, delicious gumballness. But what makes them stand out is the fact that they look like a freshly popped-out eyeball, with juicy red veins and a tiny white skull for a pupil. How awesome is a pupil skull?

I’ll tell you – it’s awesomer than Pumpkin Faces. Two Martini-thumbs up for Spooky Eyes gum; one for the veins, and one for the skull-pupil.

Check out 2007’s Halloween Candy Oscars Part 1
Check out 2007’s Halloween Candy Oscars Part 2

Halloween Candy Oscars 2007 - Part 2

Halloween is as much about the costumes as it is about the candy – but only if the candy is October 31st-appropriate as discussed in years past. Part 2 of the Halloween Candy Oscars will see an award given for best hard Halloween candy.

Boneheads, thanks to evil candy geniuses everywhere, are still gracing store shelves, much to my happiness. I hate having to bury discontinued candy in the Halloween candy graveyard. Especially when it’s completely awesome. It’s like God taking a talented, intelligent, beautiful child to Heaven before their time. So unfair.

Of course, a Voodoo Priestess can revive the dead through an unholy, unnatural ceremony, but what comes back is never the same. So horrible.

Remember Monster Candy? Inside small boxes were slabs, SLABS of Popeye-cigarette type white candy. The boxes had famous movie-monsters such as Frankenstein printed on them, and inside, each slab had the same monster, avec film-frame border, printed on them. When I was a teenager they disappeared. Then the Voodoo Preistess stepped in and granted Monster Candy a one-year revival. The boxes remained while the candy inside was changed from printed slabs to 2 tiny cheap Popeye cigarettes, which made me bawl my eyes out. So evil.

Luckily the powers that be have allowed Oak Leaf’s Boneheads to stick around. Boneheads are slightly larger than the newish, larger size Tic Tacs. They are covered in a super-awesome glossy coating which protects the deliciousness inside and boosts shelf-life by a half a century. Green ones are particularly rare.

The skulls are fruit-flavoured, and, for the most part, they taste pretty radical. The best part is their appropriateness towards Halloween. Chowing down on a cherry skull is friggin’ awesome.

But there’s another candy really giving Boneheads a run for their money for two reasons. I came across the very last box of Graveyard Goodies in a Wal-Mart in Pennsylvania and instantly knew I had to have them. Whatever the candy tasted like, the packaging was PURE EFFING GOLD!

Inside the main box there are four different boxes of candy, each one more awesome than the last. First, there’s a skull, with bulging, veiny eyes. Next, there’s a grey RIP tombstone, with curved top and all. Third comes a picture frame with a Werewolf slashing in your general direction. And finally, the piece de resistance, a bloody freakin’ Coffin!

Open this 6-sided bad-boy and out pours two pumpkin-, two femur-, and two skull-shaped candies. These are the same size as the Boneheads, but pop these suckers in your mouth and rejoice at the Popeye cigarette-type candy underneath that glossy coating!

And let’s face it. Who wouldn’t want to suck femurs on Halloween? The Halloween Candy Oscar for Best Hard Candy 2007 goes to Tech Time’s Graveyard Goodies.

Two Martini-thumbs up for their amazing packaging. This is the stuff that Halloween dreams are made of.

Halloween Candy Oscars 2007 - Part 1

It is time. Yes, time for that all-important annual Halloween type post with my picks for best Halloween candy. Let the Halloween Candy Oscars begin – with an awesome new format designed to be 37% more awesome than previous years.

This year, for the first time, I’ve encountered 10x more Halloween-themed candy than ever before. Like a whiney 9 year old who doesn't want to finish his crappy dinosaur painting even though the art teacher kept the studio open late so he could, I bitched about companies producing fun-sized chocolate bars and such, attempting to pass their excrement off as “Halloween” candy. This year is far different and as a result I’ve had to break down the Halloween Candy Oscars into categories:

• Best Gummi Candy


• Best Lollipop


• Best Hard Candy


• Best Gum

Earlier this week I reminisced about Dead Heads, the most awesome, and most discontinued lollipop ever. So I will begin the HCO with “Best Lollipop 2007”

Nearly 2 decades ago the Jolly Rancher craze swept through my town, and now Jolly Rancher has jumped the Halloween bandwagon with the next best thing to Dead Heads.

These lollies not only taste awesome, but also have great names to go along with their totally sweet shapes. These Creepy Shaped Lollipops come in four frightening flavours: Eerie Apple, Spooky Blue Raspberry, Wacky Watermelon and Goulish Grape.

Shape options include a sinister pumpkin, seen above, an evil skull, a nasty ghost or Dracula. Yes, Vlad the Impaler has gotten a taste of his own medicine and had his own head rammed onto a stick.

I had to give my old favourite a try, so I scoured through the bag until I found 1 of the ONLY 2 watermelon lollies. I suppose the rarity makes them more special. Regardless, it tasted exactly as I remembered and each lick was as exciting as the one that preceeded it.

There’s absolutely nothing to complain about with these creepy lollipops, and the only lolly that stood a chance against them would’ve been a Dead Head. But with them permanently out of the picture, the Halloween Candy Oscar for Best Lollipop 2007 clearly goes to Jolly Ranchers Creepy Shaped Lollipops.

Two Martini-thumbs up for their shapes, names and flavours.