Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Halloween Candy Oscars 2008 - Part 1

Chewing monster heads is the candy connoisseur's preferred way to dine on October 31.

As you know by now, here at DMC&ME, I am completely dead-icated to all things Halloween. Dead puppies, dead kittens and dead monkeys, but unfortunately not Charms Dead Heads, as I learned they were foolishly discontinued by irresponsible mortals who understand not the power of 'Ween. However, there is always something tasty around the corner waiting to replace the forgotten candy of yesteryear.

With that, I bring you the best Halloween candy of 2008 - it's time again for the totally unfamous Halloween Candy Oscars! Now with extra chuff and even more candy than ever before!

There are many important aspects of Halloween, and candy is right up there at the top. As I've said before, sugary 'Ween treats, the ultimate prize for a hard night of walking and begging, shouldn't simply be miniature versions of regular chocolate bars. They should be unique and special, available only at Halloween. Those are the companies, the ingenious, proud and few that deserve our kudos, and our cash.

So, three cheers for Frankford who have brought the 'ween-loving public Marshmallow Pals in my first category of Best Halloween Candy 2008: Best Marshmallow Candy.

Chomp their heads, before they chomp yours!The packaging declares these devilish characters to be "Hand Decorated Witches, Pumpkins & Monsters." The monsters are Frankenstein and Dracula and both are goulishly green. Upon biteage, the marshmallowy goodness is superb, while the candy details add a burst of flavour and an awesome crunch reminiscent of chewing on bones. (Not that I've ever chewed human remains.) The details, pre-digestion of course, are superb thanks to well trained slave-child labourers in China, where they're produced. The size is also very good. I've placed a quarter beneath for comparison. Unfortunately, the lameass name, Marshmallow Pals, just doesn't do it for me.

Moving on, I was very excited to see Hershey's Marshmallow Pumpkins this year. I spotted them first at the Hershey Store in Niagara Falls. At a price of $1.49 each, I knew they'd be good, covered in scrumptious dark chocolate. I decided to buy a few, in case I couldn't find them elsewhere.

Marshmallow turds are delightful.As I suspected, the chocolate was dark, like the inside of a mouldy jack-o-lantern on November 29th, and delicious like a hamburger with caramel, cookies and chocolate all over it. Inside, the gooey marshmallow oozed and compressed between my teeth. It took me nearly 47 minutes to finish the huge marshmallow. It was a quality Hershey product, no bones about it.

However, the 'pumpkin' aspect of it was lost. Instead, it appeared more like a smooth, round turd - something the sun had baked after the dog caringly placed it in your shoe at the back door one hot summer's day. Additionally, I found these at a local Dollar Store for a mere 50 cents each. It was a simple decision to buy more, as the ones I'd already bought would not last until Halloween.

With no detail on the Hershey Pumpkins, and a huge and insulting price discrepancy, I decided to award this year's Best Marshmallow Candy to Frankford's super cool Marshmallow Pals! Two crunchy skeleton thumbs up for their fantastic designs and yummy tastiness.

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Blogger The T-Dude said...

Maybe they should have marketed them as monster turds instead of pumpkins?

7:15:00 AM

Blogger Martini said...

Brilliant - I love it! It's scary, it's accurate, and it's fun.

8:57:00 AM

Blogger SJ said...

Candies and ghosts... I am trying think of any equivalent among Hindu festivals...hmmm...nope.

You guys are weird ;)

12:03:00 PM

Blogger Becky said...

CANDY! Time to eat some morbid shaped candies! Did a year pass so fast already!? Wow!

8:10:00 PM

Blogger Monogram Queen said...

How did it take me so long to read this when I have been waiting for WEEKS!! LMAO at the turd comparison.

I love the Halloween Mini Kit Kats they only have them at Target (as far as I know).

9:15:00 AM

Blogger Martini said...

Mini kit kats are good, but don't have that Halloween factor I'm looking for. I've come across some chocolate bars (Nestle Crunch maybe?) that have beautiful molded chocolate images of bats and full moons etc on them. I saw them last year.

10:48:00 AM

Blogger honkeie2 said...

I want Wonka to make a Halloween candy called 'Wolf Droppings'. And all they have to do is make them out of misshappen Milk Duds.

1:14:00 PM


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