Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Wild Thailand Toothpaste

Colgate's Thailand-style toothpaste
This is a tube of toothpaste. It's from Thailand. It's Thai-Colgate. It's the same standard size tube we would find in any store here in Canada or the U.S. It features a picture of a young Asian couple, smiling vibrantly, proudly showing off their sparkling white teeth, thanks to those super folks at Colgate.

My sisinlaw, Beck, just got back from approximately 6 months travelling around Asia, where she had grand adventures and bought various cool things, including this tube of toothpaste. I wonder how many different tubes she looked at before deciding upon this one. And why, ultimately, did she choose this brand? Perhaps it was the only familiar name. I should have asked her. But I didn't.

Pirates beware! This toothpaste results in less gold teeth.What fascinates me about this toothpaste is how different it is to our own, despite the similar tube-style packaging. The only english on the toothpaste tube indicates that it's chock full of Vitaminy goodness. Vitamin C in particular. The Vitamin C appears to be coming from fresh lemons.

We need to eat Vitamin C to avoid things like scurvy, multiple sclerosis and general mocking, but I do not understand how the Vitamin C in the toothpaste is supposed to get inside our bodies. We were taught, at a very young age, that swallowing toothpaste is very bad for us. I do not know exactly how this Vitamin C gets into our cells, unless this is the world's first edible toothpaste, undergoing a trial run on the other side of the world.

Zzzoooof! Bzzzzzooooooo! Lasers!More Images on the reverse side of the tube indicate that after using this Colgate product, ones breath becomes green, and 4 lasers will shoot out of the user's mouth, firing off in various directions. The lasers are most likely for destroying evil mechs that are always attacking large Asian cities and metropolises (Metropoli?)

Inside the tube, the bizarre transparent neon green lemon-lime coloured toothpaste draws you in with its nuclear glow. Closer, and closer still, until you can resist no longer. YOU MUST CONSUME!

In Canada only small children experience the joy of brushing their teeth with oddly-coloured pink and blue toothpaste with sparkles and such. But in Asia, young smiling couples, grandparents, bus drivers and small-business owners alike enjoy the awesomeness of the strange toothpaste.


Blogger Rowan said...

what does it taste like?
I want lemony-limey toothpaste too!
Is it time to write a letter?

11:57:00 AM

Blogger ms. creek said...

good point! i wonder how we are supposed to absorb such nutrients when we also learn that carbohydrates are the only nutrients that are broken down in our mouths! swallowing would be way too gross. i just want to know if you blow out those green swirls, as well?

12:20:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

Rowan, you know me too well!

5:24:00 PM

Blogger Cuppojoe said...

Okay, you have to get your sisinlaw to hook me up with some of this stuff! The brand I'm using right now only gives me the ability to shoot 2 lasers out of my mouth, and I don't think I need to tell you that a couple extra mouth-lasers would come in pretty handy sometimes!

6:48:00 PM

Blogger Chana said...

please don't hook up Joe with the toothpaste. his mouth is sharp/hot enough, lol...

7:14:00 PM

Blogger Rainypete said...

I prefer to make m yown glow in the dark sparkly toothpaste. First you squeeze out an entire tube of any of the blue gel type toothpastes you can find into a bowl. Then you go to any metal shop and sit it under the grinder they use to smooth out metal. The resulting metal flakes will give the sparkly effect along with the added benefit of extra abrasion to really scour your teeth clean (Think minty brillo pad here).

You take your bowl of metallic minty joy home where you sprinkle it liberally (or conservatively depending on your political afiliation) with lime juice. With the flavour sufficiently tweaked (a delightful minty citrus blend) you throw it in the microwave where the metal filings and readiation interact to give it that delightfully healthy glow.

Brush your teeth as desired and enjoy. If bleeding continues for more than 2 days consult your physician.

7:24:00 PM

Blogger SJ said...

Cool!!! Green Laser Beams!!! However looking at the pic I can see some of the laser beams seem to be aimed back at the spewer. Not cool... unless I am commitign suicide.

9:41:00 AM

Blogger Martini said...

SJ - maybe you should try Pete's incredible home-made toothpaste. You'll have to contact him for the laser capabilities of his paste. Hopefully it's more than the paltry two lasers that is currently being enjoyed by cuppojoe.

11:39:00 AM

Blogger a Blogger said...

Wild Thailand Toothpaste!? lol... I can read the Vietnamese on it coz I'm a Vietnamese :)

2:16:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

I think other languages are fascinating in how they look. However, I can see how boring it must seem to you, as I would, if I saw some French toothpaste! :)

12:03:00 PM

Blogger a Blogger said...

I read your comment on my blog, maybe it was made in Vietnam but your sister bought it at Thailand? I'm not sure :) BTW nice blog Martini

12:27:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

Yeah, now I'm not 100% sure where she bought it. Thanks for the comment!

12:29:00 PM


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