Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Me vs. The Raccoons

The remnants of a once-delicous strawberry.
I have a strawberry bush. It supplies me with sweet berries... If only I had a chance to eat them.

Out of the last 8 straweberries that have ripened to full juiciness I have only tasted one damn berry because of a group of repugnant Raccoons who've been climbing onto my patio set at night and feasting upon the fruits of my labours.

When the first red strawberry went missing, I thought maybe some squirrel brothers had eaten it. But upon further investigating, I found that the strawberry went missing during the night, when the squirrels were dozing in their Nutco® Squirrel Bunkbeds.

I decided not to get upset. After all, there were 7 more strawberries on the verge of full, sweet ripeness, ready to devour. Plus, squirrels are super cute. So how could I get mad at them?

Coons like 'em, people like 'em. Strawberries is perfect.The next night my strawberry bush was under full seige while I slept, unaware of the devastation happening in my own backyard. It wasn't until the next morning that I saw the carnage to my poor fruit-bearing bush.

But they were sloppy this time. They left clues. Along with the SEVEN FREAKING ripe strawberries they ate, they plastered their muddy paw prints all over our table, and the side of our garbage can. It was confirmed - Raccoons! And they had brought reinforcements to finish off the sweet, sweet fruit. Those tender berries didn't stand a chance against those tiny 'coon paws.

They only swallowed the most rounder-est, ripest strawberries, which seems to go against the common perception that raccoons will eat anything, including repulsive rotting refuse. Proof of this was the green one with a single small test bite.

With nothing but green berries left, I decided the best thing to do was put the plastic pot inside our sunroom at night, then place it back on the patio during the day. My plans for planting it in the garden went out the window.

I have only eaten one strawberry since first purchasing the plant for about $8. That is one darn expensive strawberry.


Blogger Ham said...

Poor little vermin - if you had a choice between trash and luscious juicy berries...what would you choose?

5:09:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

I have to admit... strawberries are tastier than yellowy maggots floating in hot-dog water.

5:57:00 PM

Blogger Chana said...

i am so sorry that you haven't gotten to eat any but one but i got to say that poor raccoons, they were hungry..and how cute really that you have such cute visitors..of course i don't have to deal with them and as such the perspective is much different...
anyhow, $8 is very expensive for 1 strawberry...sorry... nice close shot though...

10:33:00 PM

Blogger Rainypete said...

Sounds like someone needs large batches of caffeine and a paintball marker to defend his fruity riches with. This is the price one pays for living on hallowed raccoon grounds.

7:31:00 AM

Blogger Rowan said...

well i fyou DO decide to plant it outside, just remember it is a very hardy and invasive plant that will spread and spread and spread!!!! I have nothing but green berries on mine still, but It is spreading wonderfully down the side of our driveway as a lovely ground covering (what we intended it for).

I hadn't thought of raccoons, but squirrels oh evil creatures...they've dug up my flowerbeds, eaten all my bulbs and had the audacity to take a bite of some and then place them back as if to laugh me in the face...perhaps it is racoons wrecking havoc on my veggie garden? It's not been a good gardening year for me since I stupidly sprayed everything with weed and feed...yup....my flowers too..

so....I am jealous of your fruits of your labour (as opposed to fruit of your loins)

10:50:00 AM

Blogger Martini said...

Squirrels have an awesome sense of humour! They probably filled your Weed & Feed bottle with Raccoon pee to kill your flowers. If you want, me & Pete, armed with paintball guns, could come over for a stakeout.

12:04:00 PM


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home


This many people accidentally stumbled upon my site
...while searching for porn.