Weapon Of Choice - Grand AM

Jimmy Dillnuts has not been in the news lately, which meant, for a brief moment, we all had a bright future. However, that future abruptly ended when Jimmy's mom, Darla Dillnuts, rear-ended some pour soul who was stopped at a red light on Tuesday.

Rear-ending. The family trademark.

I snapped a shot on my way to work. Darla was just emerging from her Pontiac and surveying the damage when I sped by with my camera in hand. Only Darla's Grand AM is visible here, so you'll have to take my word for it that the victim's Hyundai suffered approximately in the same way the Grand AM did.

The last accident caused by the Dillnuts family was much worse, and resulted in a few victims being taken to hospital. Jimmy was charged by the police, and Suz, as a witness to the carnage, was summoned to court to make a statement.

I can't help but wonder if the Dillnuts family finds some sort of pleasure in their rear-ending actions, or if they are just a family of brain-dead inbred Canucks who simply get lost en route to the beer store. Somehow they find their way into the city, panic, and in their terror-induced frenzy begin rear-ending anything in sight.

Kind of like a cornered bull.

However, I am just hypothesizing, as I've never had a conversation with any of the Dillnuts clan. I've only watched from a safe distance as they work out their frustrations on the city's denizens.

I believe that every time a Dillnuts is born, insurance rates go up. Raised in muddy tracts of land, each generation is taught the fine art of smash-up derbys, and presume every car on the road is an appropriate target.

Let's say goodbye to the Dillnuts family. Let's put a stop to high insurance rates... the same way the government puts a stop to mad cow disease.