Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Wicked Ass Training

Not getting anywhere? A roller set helps you get there faster - because you’re already there before you start.

Last night I rode 7.3 miles, (nearly 12 kms) – in my bedroom. I'm training for the Becel Ride For Heart on Toronto's Don Valley Parkway for June 3rd.

Since I can't walk anywhere anymore due to my stupid-ass "disease" I’ve started to get seriously out of shape. To rectify that problem I patronized a local bicycle emporium and puchased a Tacx Ecotrack Roller. It's a pretty sweet trainer with its tiny PVC rollers which put it close to the floor, allowing for ladderless bike mounting.

Given the progression of the stupidity in my feet, I figured this might be my last chance to do something like this.

Anyway, after 12 kms my buttcheeks gave out. My hard-as-concrete Vetta Lite seat with its patented "sheet of paper" padding just plain sucks. Granted, it's as light as an empty juice box, but the pain in the derriere isn't worth the weight savings.

The ride I am doing is 50 kms. My stick legs are capable of making the trek, but it's my ass I'm worried about. I can't even ride half the distance now, and the Becel Ride For Heart is only 18 days away.

I've come to the conclusion that the training I'm doing isn't for my legs, my heart, or stamina. It's conditioning for my ass.

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Blogger SJ said...

I hope you get past this "disease" you talk about.

Happy Ass to you!

11:43:00 AM

Blogger Aims said...

Good luck with the ass conditioning! And the ride.

I have a great email I think you'll like, send me your email address id you want it.
Aims x

2:08:00 PM

Blogger ZoeyBella said...

You used the word ass in the title... priceless!

5:17:00 PM

Blogger SJ said...

Couldn't resist: hope you have a good ass soon then you can go badass on wiseasses like me.

3:01:00 AM

Blogger Rainypete said...

Ass cardio!! Way funky indeed. If I could shave off some of my ass padding and mail it over I would my friend.

On a non ass related topic, why do I have a mental image of you popping off of the rollers here and shooting through your bedroom wall like something from a Three Stooges reel?

8:32:00 AM

Blogger mmat said...

you should check out Sella Italia for a good bike seat - http://www.selleitalia.com/eng/index.html

comfortable and lightweight all in one.

10:13:00 AM

Blogger patti_cake said...

A hard ass is HAWT! Work it!

10:36:00 AM

Blogger Ms. Creek said...

nice bike, but i'm with mmat, they have some nice gel seats that arent too bad. i'm just wondering why you are conditioning for 50km only 18 days aways from the race?

a little pro--cr--ASS--tination? lmao

9:44:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

Yes, Ms. Creek, a little bit o' that, plus a little bit o' workin' 18 hours a day. Work is biting me in the unconditioned ass right now!

10:26:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

p.s Mmat, I'm totally diggin' the Thoork.

10:28:00 PM


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