Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Free Stuff

No more annoying tags to rub on your skin tags.

Why do alcoholic beverage institutions believe that only portly gentlemen consume their intoxicating products? I think it's because they're not afraid of the little guys they offend when they offer free t-shirts in XL sizes only.

My story starts at the Duty Free. The Duty Free was giving away free 1 litre bottles of Southern Comfort about 3 weeks ago. Well, they were practically giving them away, at the bargain price of $16.

Along with the bottle of yum, they gave away a free Southern Comfort t-shirt. I was truly excited to see this promotion because I had just missed the opportunity to get a free t-shirt while we were in Vermont.

When I unrolled the quality Hanes product I was shocked by its enormousness. I was quite upset that I'd never be able to wear a shirt this elephantite, so I thought I would find another home for it, but I didn't want to do a lot of asking around. I decided to give up my brand new Southern Comfort t-shirt as an integral part of the next Useless Prize Package over at Useless Advice From Useless Men.

If you'd like a chance to win this sweet, huge torso-covering, you'll need to follow the contest instructions. Don't worry, they're easy to follow. Simply submit a question to UselessAdvice at hotmail.com after November 30, 2006. Or if you'd like a chance to win what's in the Useless Tin, go ahead and email your question before Friday.

I know you want it. You know you want it. After all, free stuff is awesome, whether it fits or not. Hey, I think I just figured something out.


Blogger SJ said...

The govt here offers free sterilization as part of the population control ... would you be interested? ;)

7:05:00 AM

Blogger honkeie2 said...

I love free stuff.....I once bought a case of coors light for 15$ because the coors girls were there with small bikinis and big hooters. And also because I got a beer holder(to keep your hand from warming your beer), a coors light bouncey ball, bottle key chain openers(even though coors bottles are twist offs and the case I bought were in cans)and a pair of sun glasses that had a coors sticker put on the side that peeled off as we were walking out the door. But they came free, and 15$ for a case of beer.......who could say no to those cans?
I entered a question.....the words toliet seat and g-string will be found in question.

7:54:00 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Couldn't wait one more day... Now people are confused. What if someone wants to win the shirt but sends the question in too early?

Man, I don't want to play God. Leave that to your neighbour...

10:43:00 AM

Blogger Chana said...

ahh, you are so nice. now i just have to come up with a fantastic question..may i suggest you guys all sign the shirt..a fan keeper for sure.

now, think, think of a question..

12:13:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

To lessen the contest confusion and hopefully steer more traffic towards the mostly non-sterile Useless Men, I'm not going to make a Thursday post. It's a bandaid solution - but the problem is so minor that's all it deserves.

12:14:00 PM

Blogger patti_cake said...

I would have used it as a huge nightshirt hehe...

2:46:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

You still could! Just submit a question to the Useless Men, and you might win the prize package!

4:04:00 PM

Blogger Ham said...

It's not just alcohol-related swag that's ginormous. I did the Run for the Cure this year and was provided with a "Size medium shirt that fits like a small" after asking for an extra-small. Fits like a small my arse. It was at least 5x my width but only came down just past my bottom. It must have been on very wide woman they based their size medium on.

12:48:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

I have also noticed that. Shirts get wider, but not longer. Mediums are reguarly baggy under my armpits, while showing off just the right amount of bellybutton.

2:20:00 PM


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