A Cold Christmas With NOMA

For the last couple of years a fad has been sweeping the Christmas aisles at product distribution centres across the land. Aimed at the environmentally conscious, as well as the super tight penny pincher, LED lights are being advertised as an incredible way to save electricity.

These things are so damn efficient, they're Scrooge-approved.

LED lights use approximately 90% less energy than other forms of Christmas tree lighting, including the popular mini-lights. Light Emitting Diodes aren't any sort of standard light 'bulb' with a filament. Instead they contain a semi-conductor chip which is divided into two sections. One region, lets call it North Korea, contains negatively-charged electrons while the other, South Korea, holds positive electrons.

When a strong enough electric current is applied, the North Koreans invade the other side and attack their positively-charged cousins. This electron war results in light.

When I was a kid, Christmas tree lights were huge, and contained no Koreans. They were made in the good ol' USA, and burned your flesh off if you touched them. Now-a-days they're made in places like China, and only get really warm, while creating a warm ambiance.

But LED lights are slowly replacing them. And that's fine for some people. But not for me. I am returning our "warm white" LED lights from NOMA, and the 9 dollars of Canadian Tire money we received with our purchase.

Why? Because those folks at NOMA don't know the difference between "warm white" and "light so cold it sends a chill down your spine." I mean, these lights are so full of evil they make children under 10 burst into tears as they suck the souls out of everyone in sight.

I'm all for the environment. Seriously. But not when "warm white" lights send a horrible chill down my spine, make my cry tears of blood, and utterly destroy the warmth of Christmas.

Two Martini-thumbs down to LED lights.