Fido Bites. Do I Need Rabies Shots?

One of the main reasons I don't stop to help when I see a vehicular accident is that I don't have a cell phone. I would not want to get involved, except to offer to call the police, who are experts at sorting these things out. No cell? I am of little use.

The reason I don't own a cell phone is due to a well-known company named Fido (aka Microcell Solutions). This is my Fido Fiasco.

A couple of years ago I did own a cell phone. It was fantastic for its time. It was black, and had all the buttons a regular phone has, plus a few more. But considering the incredible and sometimes ridiculous phone features these days, my Ericsson T18z was pretty bare bones. It did have a free "Fido" exclusive text message feature where I could recieve jokes or weather reports. When I signed up for this service, the reports never came. It wasn't a big deal, so I didn't care.

Fast Forward one year.

I started getting my weather reports, and it was an exciting day. Then I noticed my bill. This "Free" feature was costing me 10 cents every time I received a text message. I immediately cancelled this feature, not because I was cheap, but because I didn't like how Fido was cheating me out of a few extra cents.

But the text messages didn't stop. In fact, Fido started sending me some sort of promotional "Fido" text messages, and of course, charged me 10 cents for each one they sent me!

I called up Microcell Solutions and asked that they stop sending me text messages. I also asked that they credit me for the last few they sent. They obliged. I was happy, and thought my problem was over. I was wrong. The next month I was STILL receiving text messages. I phoned again, and had the text charges dropped for a 2nd time.

Month 3: More text messages, more 10-cent charges on my bill. Another phone call, and they promised me they would block my phone from receiving text messages. They dropped the text charges for a 3rd time.

Month 4: More text messages, more 10-cent charges. Phone call #4 was a bad one. I was angry. This time I asked for a supervisor. None were available. I asked for a manager. They were also unavailable. I was getting really fed up, so I said to the girl "fine, please cancel my phone service." She replied "I'm sorry I can't do that." I said "Yes you can. Cancel it right now." She became very angry and yelled at me, and told me to call a different phone number in order to cancel my service.

- the deal -


I called the number. The Fido representative was extremely sorry to hear of all my trouble with my bill, and with 'Heather'. He knew Heather, and he knew she was a hot-head. I told him I understood it was not his fault, but I wanted my service cancelled immediately because I refused to call their office again to correct my bills. He tried very hard to keep me as a customer, and offered me 3 months of free phone service. Three months? Hey, that's about $100! I accepted. I accepted, on the condition that I never receive any more text messages, as previously promised, and never get billed for them again.

Two months went by and each bill showed $0.00 as promised. I stopped receiving text messages as well.

When the bill came on the third month, I gave birth to a 17-pound cow. My bill stated $0.00 for phone serivce, plus a 15-cent penalty for not paying for my text messages.

Phone call, Paraphrased.
After 1 hour and 45 minutes on hold:
Fido: "Bonjour Microsell Solutions, how can I help you?"
Me: "Cancel my phone service immediately."
Fido: "I'm sorry, but can you tell me the reason you'd like to cancel?"
Me: "No. Cancel my phone service."
Fido: "But what reason are you cancelling for?"
Me: "Read my file, then cancel my phone service."
Fido: "Sir, can you please tell me why you are cancelling? I need to know a reason."
Me: "I'm sick of explaining the problem. I'm sure there are notes on my account."
Fido: "I see you preferred to receive no text messages."
Me: "Yes. Cancel my phone service."
Fido: "But sir..."
Me: "Cancel my phone service and get a manager on the phone."
Fido: "Hold on sir."
Manager: "Hello, I understand you're having a problem with your bill?"
Me: "I've been having a problem with my bill for 8 months. I'm sick of phoning every single month to have my bill corrected. Please cancel my phone service."
Manager: "I assure you we can resolve your problem."
Me: "No, you can't resolve the problem. You already tried and failed. Cancel my phone service."
Manager: "Sir, we don't want to lose a customer who has been with us as long as yo..."
Me: "Mmm-hmm. Cancel my phone service"
Manager: "Sir, if you'll..."
Me: "CANCEL. MY. PHONE. SERVICE. NOW."
Manager: "Yes, sir, I can take care of that for you."

A few minutes later, my account was cancelled. Then the manager asked me if I could send the phone back to them. Huh? I paid $75 for that phone! It was mine. And I told him that.

So, if you ever see me drive past you while you're trying to change four flat tires in the dark, you can blame it all on Fido.