Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

DeLorean Damage

I have a haircut appointment on Saturday.

Know what's funny? Jerks. Know why? Because they make great stories. Like the jerk I met recently while I was fueling up.

Had I followed the advice this stranger offered me, I would have ended up with the worst, scratched-up DeLorean this side of Freddy Krueger. Why? Because he didn't know what he was talking about.

And what's worse, he claimed to be a former DeLorean owner.

So what did Mr. Bullshit tell me? After first complimenting me on the car, he then told me how he knew all about them, because he owned one back when they were new. Then he started talking to me about "all those scratches everywhere." I didn't quite understand what he was talking about, but I mentioned that yes, there were a few scratches on it when I bought it.

But that wasn't what he meant. He ran his finger down the grain of the steel and told me it should look like a mirror; that there should not be ANY scratches on the stainless steel anywhere.

He knows, because he used to own one.

I asked him if he was talking about the grain in the steel. And I told him that there should, in fact, be those lines, because it was brushed stainless steel. But he argued further, telling me emphatically that there should be no lines whatsoever.

Now I was almost laughing. I decided to just play along, and thought maybe I'd get out of the gas station before the sun went down and the Vampires bit our necks, making our absurd argument eternal.

He told me to rub oil all over the body panels circularly with a pumice stone. I enthusiastically agreed this sounded like a good idea and that I'd give it a try. As I slipped down into my driver's seat laughing at this horrible, DMC-destroying suggestion, he clamoured up into his Jeep.

His parting words were how he and all his jerk-friends were into Porsches and Ferraris now. Yep, he knows what he's talking about because he's into Porsches and Ferraris. As if the lowly DeLorean is beneath him now.

What would have been really cool is if he were beneath my DeLorean as I drove away.

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Blogger Ms. Creek said...

now now martini, what has you so upset? clearly you don't let someone's BOLD opinion get to you? if so, why would it?

you're too cool for your cat.

10:21:00 PM

Blogger Rainypete said...

That's funny. You should have asked him what he was using for all the scratches on his Jeep. Then you could have simply driven off while he was crawling over it looking for marks he could pumice away.

12:34:00 AM

Blogger patti_cake said...

Uh huh, he's all over the Delorean and into Ferarri's & Porsches yet his ass was driving a JEEP.

8:49:00 AM

Blogger mmat said...

well, this person seems to be part of that douchebag population of i-know-everything-jeep-drivers. i run into these people all the time. i just wish i could run into them with a snow plow.

12:41:00 PM

Blogger KAYLEE said...

haha great blog:)

6:05:00 PM

Blogger ZoeyBella said...

Well, all things considered it's better than having your DeLorean crushed by a train because you didn't pull off the tracks fast enough.

3:27:00 PM

Blogger honkeie2 said...

You should have give him some advice back.
'Did you know shoving hot curling irons up your ass during sex will give you the best orgasim ever?'
With a little bit of luck he will try it and sheer off his ability to make retard babies.

4:38:00 PM

Blogger Katie said...

Why do some people think they can just spout off advice to anyone even if they don't know them?

6:03:00 PM

Blogger SJ said...

And that should be olive oil... extra virgin.

Alternatively you could throw diesel on it followed by a lighted match. That would make one hot car.

6:28:00 AM

Blogger Vengelyne said...

You sound so pissed. I never knew you were capable of saying the word bullshit because you seem like such a nice and docile person. I guess I was wrong. Lol.

8:08:00 AM

Blogger Martini said...

You guys really know how to make me smile - and I'm giving special preference to Honkeie2.

As for the word bullshit...that was actually Suz's idea. My original word was a more sarcastic Mr. "Brilliant"

I will try to be more docile in the future.

11:56:00 AM


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