Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Six Cracker Challenge

Martini attempting the 6 cracker challenge avec bib.

Krevin is a bad influence on me, but I just can't seem to resist his scruffy charm and his various challenges. When asked to consider the "Six Cracker Challenge" I tried to resist, but instead succumbed to Krevin's adorable scruff and abominable eating habits.

The Six Cracker Challenge is not for the weak. In fact, it's not for anybody, as it is pretty much impossible. The goal is to eat 6 salted Premium Plus crackers in 60 seconds. I thought it sounded pretty easy. I was pretty wrong.

Before I began the challenge, Krevin told of his official record - 1 minute and 7 seconds. I made a mental note that this translated to 67 seconds, then cleared my head. Concentration was the key, especially with half a dozen spectators.

"GO!" said some guy with a watch. I shoved the first cracker in my mouth and instantly knew I had failed. My mouth dried up faster than something that was already dry before the challenge began. But I pushed on, ramming two more crackers into my mouth, and declaring that this challenge was "imbothible."

Cracker Boogers anyone?I could barely chew, and the 60 seconds was almost up. With the absurdity of the struggle everyone began to laugh, including myself. The entire scene was hilarious from almost any perspective: me in baby bib, trying to simply eat some crackers.... really really fast. I choked for a second during a simultaneous mid-laugh-mid-swallow, and clogged my nose with cracker mush. I was disqualified after firing cracker snot balls out of my nose, instead of swallowing everything.

It didn't matter. I didn't have a chance. My saliva glands just couldn't handle the abuse of the Mr. Christie's Weapons of Mass Dryness. I suppose someone would have to have an overproductive saliva gland in order to get through this gruelling challenge. Either that or a throat of steel. Swallowing dry crackers, painfully, was an option, but my throat just wasn't strong enough to force them through.

Krevin became excited by all the action and decided to try and break his record. Two at a time he shoved them into his eating hole until he could shove no more. 67 seconds came and went, but Krevin was still chewing, albeit a lot slower.

Who dares take on the Six-Cracker-Challenge? Any results posted in comments become the property of DMC & ME and I may assume any and all records as my own.


Blogger mmat said...

with all of the crackers with peanut butter on them that i have consumed in my lifetime, it would seem that this feat *should* be easy, but after reading your story i shall approach the task with caution, a stopwatch and pictures.

results should be posted tomorrow.

maybe i should film it in an effort to truely humiliate... err... prove myself.

12:29:00 PM

Blogger Jerry Bowley said...

I am so going to take this challenge! I'm already working on my "strategy"...

If my trial-run works out, I'll do another attempt on video for you...

2:02:00 PM

Blogger Jod{i} said...

LOL, did this in college..sounds sooo easy, its not!


2:09:00 PM

Blogger Louisiana said...

oh you look so cute with that bib.

i can just imagine how fun that night must have been. i can wait for your readers results to come in.

you guys are a ton of fun. fun is good.

2:25:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

Video? Sweet. I'm totally looking forward to seeing how everyone fares. It would be great to see somebody complete the challenge - but remember this last morsel of info: the crackers must be swallowed (not just shoved in the mouth) before the 60 seconds is up.

5:21:00 PM

Blogger Vengelyne said...

Your friends are so interesting.

Another fun challenge, I can tell from your post. :D I didn't expect eating 6 crackers within that time frame to be that tough, though... seriously.

9:14:00 PM

Blogger Ellie Creek Ellis said...

I want to know how many marshmallows you can shove in your cheeks and still say, "Chubby Bunny". There's your next challenge!

9:11:00 AM

Blogger Unknown said...

I have heard of this challenge before but I struggle with just 1 cracker so I am not trying this!!!!

1:11:00 PM

Blogger Jerry Bowley said...

First Time Trial: 1min. 15sec.

I just need to tweak my technique a bit and I think I'll get it...

Stay tuned!

3:27:00 PM

Blogger Jerry Bowley said...

Second Time Trail: 1min. 33sec.

Um... Shouldn't I be getting better, not worse?

3:33:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

ms. creek, have I angered you in some way that I don't know about? :D

Cuppojoe - 1:15 is pretty impressive. Heck, so is 1:33. I didn't even come close to that. I could barely eat 3 crackers in 60 seconds.

1:10:00 PM

Blogger Monogram Queen said...

I can't eat one Saltine without choking... Ack! I heart these challenges!

4:45:00 PM

Blogger Vicki said...

Ryan claims he can do this... (but that he's also failed at this as well) maybe we should test this theory at the party :)

11:12:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

We shall see!

12:05:00 PM


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