Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Martini's Guide To Eating Twix

Shouldn't the 4-pack of Twix be called Quads? or Quix?

There is an art to eating Twix, as Patti-Cake subconsciously pointed out in a comment yesterday. I thought this was a shocking coincidence to the way I eat Twix, so today I present: How To Eat Twix, Martini-Style.

There isn't really an improper way to eat a Twix bar, but there are a number of ways so boring or mainstream that they are frowned upon by the Twix-eating community. This guide will help you be more awesome in your daily Twix eating adventures.

Once you've purchased your Twix bar, keep it in a cool place until you arrive at home. If you've purchased the dual pack, two thumbs up. If you've purchased the Quad pack, four thumbs up. Don't ask where the other thumbs came from.

Everything is better cold, right guys?The first thing to do is place your Twix into the fridge for about an hour. Any fridge will do, so long as it's not working in reverse. During this hour, you could sit down and watch a rerun of Star Trek: The Next Generation or perhaps Xena: Warrior Princess, or any other TV show that might have a colon in the title. (On a personal note, the "Time Squared" episode of Star Trek: TNG is a particular favourite. Double the Picards = double the awesomeness.)

When the show is over and you've learned a valuable moral lesson, go to the fridge and take out your Twix bars. For the first few minutes the Twix will sweat. Eating the Twix during the sweating phase is sticky and rather unenjoyable. Therefore, you must let them sit for about 10 minutes before you eat them. This will allow them to acclimatize to your eating environment.

You can make the typewriter 'tik tik tik tik, DING' noise if you want.Has ten minutes passed? Good! Now it's time to eat. Take the Twix and hold it like you would a cob of corn. Make sure the caramel side is pointing upwards. Take a bite mid-Twix, carefully using your bottom teeth to scrape the caramel up from the cookie. DO NOT BREAK THE COOKIE!

With practice, this will become second nature and you won't have to look or guess where the caramel starts. Continue eating the caramel, being sure to leave a small ball of it on each end. Now, start at one end, and eat the rest of the Twix the way you would normally eat a chocolate bar, bite after bite. Caramel, cookie, cookie, caramel.

Great! You've done it! You have learned how to eat a Twix: Martini Style. And I am very proud of you.

If any of you would like to post pictures of yourselves eating Twix, I would not be opposed to that.


Blogger mmat said...

generally, i go cookie first to save the sweet caramel goodness for last.

11:03:00 AM

Blogger Fizzy said...

What a very informative post! I will remember that next time I eat a twix. Have you an tips on how to eat a magnum icecream* whilst typing a comment at the same time? just thought i would ask as.... damm... seeem... to have got gooey chocolate and ...oooer ..c-aramel on my keyboard! that is going to go down well with techinical support (aka hubby)

* looks like a chocolate lollipo but is actually an icecream on a stick in a cunning disguise

12:48:00 PM

Blogger Cuppojoe said...

Twix isn't one of the bars I usually go for but, now that I've been schooled in the proper consumptive practices of said bar, I'm going to have to revisit my decision.


12:57:00 PM

Blogger Chana said...

lol...this is way better than that commercial that shows how to eat an Oreo cookie...well done...


(never tried the bars in frige thing...thanks for the tip)

12:59:00 PM

Blogger patti_cake said...

That is EXACTLY the correct way to eat a Twix and by God DO NOT break that cookie. That is a cardinal sin. We're cosmic twins baby.

2:55:00 PM

Blogger Becky said...

I had no clue there was such an indepth process to eating twix. But I will have to try this next time I do, I love me some Twix!

p.s. you can come swear on my blog all you like, lol ;-)

3:41:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

Fizzy - LOL! Never heard of this Magnum you speak of. But, if I come across it I'll post some eating instructions for sure. Obviously my instructions are good, as I've got twix-confirmation from Patti-cake.

And Becky, I accept your invitation!

5:31:00 PM

Blogger Aims said...

mmmmmm now I want a twix!

12:16:00 PM

Blogger ms. creek said...

mmm i don't do it like that.

6:30:00 PM

Blogger Rainypete said...

Sure beats my far from elegant method of cramming both sticks into my mouth before the wife snags one and then drooling choclately caramel drool for the next two minutes.

7:49:00 AM

Blogger Ham said...

That is exactly how I eat my Twix! And your post inspired me to run down to the random "cafeteria" run by people that don't wear gloves (whose egg salad tases like poison) and buy myself a Twix. Twixity goodness. I am satisfied.

4:09:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

Oh Ham - I am glad I could help satisfy you! :D

2:59:00 PM


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