Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Monday, July 31, 2006

Drive-In Movie Madness

You, Me and Dupree, as viewed from our Insight.

One summer night, between my last year of high school and my first year of college, I witnessed a drive-in movie screening of the worst movie ever made in the history of moviedom: Baby's Day Out.

The movie was so moronic that it actually infurated me to the point that I had to get out of the van, go to the washrooms and smash my head against the concrete wall, which was a billion times more fun and a billion times less painful than watching John Hughes' creation.

Thankfully I did not gouge my eyes out with forks that evening, which would have disabled my vision, and thus, not allowed me to watch the late night feature: True Lies.

That was 12 long years ago. I'm happy to report that the Drive-In theatre has survived, however, the calibre of movie being made by Hollywood has not improved.

Last week I ran into our old next-door neighbour. We only spent an hour catching up, but a lot of ground was covered. Listen, I know this might seem boring to you, but stop whining and keep reading. There is a point to this and here it comes: Her boyfriend, whom we had only met a couple of times, owns all of the drive-in theatres in the Toronto GTA and a few beyond. He is in the middle of converting our nearby drive-in to a multi-screen drive-in theatre. They were looking for some honest opinions on the condition of the theatre, and gave Suz and I a complimentary pass in exchange for our observations.

We arrived at the drive-in around 9:20 p.m for a triple showing. 3 movies? Madness! Approximately 5 minutes later the first movie began. Although Owen Wilson is an annoying knob, You, Me and Dupree was extremely amusing and receives one medium-sized thumb up. Had someone like Steve Martin replaced Owen Wilson as Dupree, I'm confident that I would have given the film two medium-sized thumbs up.

The second movie of the evening, which I was looking forward to the most, was difficult to watch. No, not because of fogged-up windows, but because it was so incredibly boring. Miami Vice had no style, no suspense, no great music, no emotion, no feeling at all. I felt dead watching it. Michael Mann did a fabulous job making Miami Vice so boring and lifeless.

At least a quarter of the movie was filmed with a shaking Handycam. I suppose this was supposed to make it feel more gritty and raw, but in actuality, it made the film feel cheap. Kind of like a really, really bad episode of COPS where your mom gets arrested for stealing cheese in her night gown.

More disappointment is coming your way if you were a fan of the character Tubbs, as he's barely in the movie for 15 minutes. Crockett is the focus. And it is a boring focus. This suspenseless movie will have you shaking your head, wondering how it ever got the green light. Michael Mann, if you are reading this, TAKE A FILM CLASS, PLEASE.

Sorry. Heat was great. Collateral was great. Miami Vice made me wish I was still watching You, Me and Dupree.

We would have loved to stay for the final feature: The Break Up, but Miami Vice drained us of all our energy. We were zombies and all we wanted to do was go home, fall asleep and try to forget what we just watched. Or didn't watch. I don't know because nothing happened.

8 Comments:

Blogger patti_cake said...

Awww I miss drive-in movies. The closest one anymore is in Beaufort,SC about 2 1/2 hours away. Boo Hiss.
Sad about Miami Vice. I always loved the tv show. Such style!

12:43:00 PM

 
Blogger ms. creek said...

well, whatever on the movies, but really really cool for the drive-in experience itself! so many have been torn down here, hardly one to be found....so remember, no matter the movie, at least you get to go to a drive in theatre...keep them alive!

1:26:00 PM

 
Blogger Chana said...

oh our city hasn't had one of those in eons and it sucks..i wish..

one good thing about the other center of the world i guess :)

i like the Wilson brothers, they are hillarious. he Owen chooses the same movies over and over but i guess it is what works and so he sticks to it...and Miami Vice a flop? oh no...i have been waiting for a looong time for it...

1:27:00 PM

 
Blogger Martini said...

Agreed - Ellie, regardless of the movie on the screen, the drive-in experience is superb!

I didn't realize how many had been torn down. I guess we are lucky to have a few around, all within an hour's drive.

2:04:00 PM

 
Blogger Rainypete said...

They were dropping like flies for a long time so it's nice to see them on the rebound. Now if only the movie industry could relearn how to make good stuff we'd be set. The Starlite with multiple screens will simply mean multiple crap. I still go too, because Drive-in means summer, but it's getting trickier with the little ones in tow.

7:52:00 AM

 
Blogger Martini said...

Once your toddlingtons are a bit older, you could create some great memories bringing then to the Starlite!

11:39:00 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what's a FLIM class? :P

-your sister

1:11:00 AM

 
Blogger Martini said...

Ah, geez. Well, thanks for pointing that out. It has been corrected. Duh!

4:17:00 PM

 

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home

 

This many people accidentally stumbled upon my site
...while searching for porn.