Crusade For Cookie Crisp

When people travel they often collect things. Some people can't resist a stop at the Duty Free for a couple of bottles of Jack Daniels or some sweet Southern Comfort whenever they visit the USA. Other people, who are really rotten at games like Guesstures, typically with the name Shelley or Shelleykins, collect spoons. Me? I like cereal.

I haven't seen commercials for Cookie Crisp cereal in decades, yet it graces the shelves of American grocery stores and food emporiums from coast to coast. As a self-proclaimed cereal conoisseur, I picked up two boxes of the fantastically cookielicious cereal on my trip home from Chicago last week.

I don't understand why Canada has this image of healthiness and therefore offers 92 varieties of sugarless granola, dehydrated fruit, and nut cluster style cereals and only offer three kid's cereals: Count Chocula, Scooby Doo and Lucky Charms.

And no, U.S. readers, no Berry Lucky Charms or Chocolate Lucky Charms - Just the regular original format.

I want Cookie Crisp. I want Cocoa Puffs. I want Boo Berry. I want Frankenberry. Why can't I buy these cereals? I have money. Here General Mills, here whoever else makes those cereals, take it! Take my money! Don't you want my money? I don't have cooties.

What's wrong with a company that refuses to sell their product? Are they just that rich that they can do without my cash? Wish I was that rich. Rich like Donald. Is Donald Trump a cereal fanatic? If he moved to Canada, not even his vast amount of money could buy a box of Cookie Crisp. He'd have to have it shipped, and then pay duty on it when it crossed the border. Oh Donald, you're such a sucker.

Actually, as angry as I am at Canada for not having these awsome cereals, I'm also glad. It makes my trips to the U.S. all the more exciting, and makes my mornings all the more exciting. I love the feeling of ramming all that "rare" American cereal into my tummy while some pony-tailed brat down the street is bawling her eyes out as her mom force-feeds her Honey Bunches of Oats, then kicks her size 2 ass onto the schoolbus and hands her a Tuna Salad sandwich and some Wheat Thins for lunch.

Barf!