Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Satellite Snafu

Building a railroad in my backyard.

Allow me to express my opinion of Bell ExpressVu. In fact, allow me to express my opinion of ALL satellite TV systems: They are the worst.

What moron ever dreamed up the idea of beaming satellite signals to a planet covered in trees, satellite's only natural enemy? I'd like to know his name so I can write him an angry letter.

My weekend unraveled into a pile of wasted time & money when Suzy Q decided to end our troubles with Cogeco Cable, the worst cable TV provider we have ever encountered. We thought we'd cut our losses with them and install Bell ExpressVu satellite instead.

Enter: The Installers
Shlomo and Horace were very excited to install our system. It's very cool, and reassuring, when people are excited about their jobs and products. So we watched with excitement as they unpacked our High Definition receiver, and connected it to our Hi-Def Panasonic TV. Hooray!

We accompanied the installers into our backyard where we choose a superb location for the dish. Shlomo drilled the holes and mounted it successfully. Mere minutes from completion, disaster struck. The dude couldn't get a signal. He phoned a third co-worker to come over and assist him. Using inclinometers and lots of cuss words, they concluded there was absolutely nowhere to mount the dish. Our signal was being blocked by our neighbour's single pine tree, which was planted precisely in line with the satellite's only signal direction, probably by the cable guy.

The three installers informed us that our only option was to buy a 1.5" diameter metal pole, pound it into the ground 15 feet back from our house, and mount the dish to that.

With sunken hearts we watched them pack our receivers, remotes and the dish back into their respective boxes, and load them into their van. Shlomo said he'd be back Sunday, or possibly Monday to attach the dish to the pole.

Sunday we shopped.

An 8 foot pole and 15 feet of plastic conduit for the cable totalled $21 at Home Depot. I begrudgingly pounded the pole into the ground and winced at the new-found ugliness of our garden. We waited the rest of the day, but Shlomo didn't show up.

Monday came and went with no sign of the Bell ExpressVu installer. Abandoned by Bell, I came to the conclusion that I was never meant to have satellite. When they first arrived, I felt very confident we'd be watching hi-def channels all weekend, but when they take 3 hours to install your satellite, and spend 2 of those hours on the phone asking for help, that isn't so reassuring.

Two big fat thumbs down for Bell ExpressVu.


Blogger Rainypete said...

I absolutely love mine, but because I installed it myself I got a 96% signal and no installation delays. Mother nature tried to intervene, but a chainsaw put paid to that.

12:56:00 PM

Blogger Ellie Creek Ellis said...

YOU CUT DOWN A TREE FOR A DANG TV! Holy smokes, you guys!

the other solution is to not have a tv, like me! heehee

7:10:00 PM

Blogger Bub said...

Technology......ain't it grand?

9:32:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

Yeah, I'm sticking with Cogeco because Satellite = no picture, no sound. Cable = ok picture, sometimes sound.

Ellie! You didn't get so mad when Pete cut down a Christmas tree!

12:05:00 PM


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