Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Home For The Holidays

Witness Relocation Program usually doesn't include the house.

After all the gifts were opened, all the drinks were drank, all the chocolate consumed, and the turkey feasted upon, Suz and I said goodbye and took to the road once more.

The weather was blowy and white for many hours. But traffic was thin, and we made good time. The snowplowed "ditch-cars" that decorated the sides of the highway were all rescued. We scanned the boring landscape for something that would catch our attention and keep us from falling asleep during this dull, snowy section of highway.

Our wish was granted! Out of the blasting white stuff came a monstrous blur with blinking lights. It loomed before us, a section of a house bigger than the lane it occupied.

Half an hour down the road we passed the next section of the house, just as large and just as rectangular. When we passed a service station an hour later, we whizzed by the final 3 sections of the house, each on their own flatbed truck.

Nobody wants to move at Christmas, or in the winter, but imagine moving your entire house. Instead of worrying about losing your silverware, you worry about losing your dining room. Instead of worrying about your coffee table getting broken, you worry about your living room windows breaking.

What is the advantage of paying a construction crew to dismantle your existing house, and renting five flatbed trucks to move it? And what's the insurance coverage for something like that? Wouldn't it be cheaper to build a new house? The land is typically the most expensive thing. I can't see any logic to this.

So, maybe this house isn't being moved at all. Maybe, while the unlucky family was vacationing in Hawaii, their home was house-napped. Or maybe it was a messy divorce, and the judge awarded part of the house to the wife. And maybe she just took her rightfully deserved three quarters.

Whatever the reason for this travelling abode, I hope the family forwarded their new address to Santa. Otherwise, he's going to be a little confused when he attempts to land on the roof, and ends up in the basement.


Blogger ms. creek said...

well, now, maybe it is a NEW house for some lucky couple! BRAND NEW. No more apartment buildings, duplexes or whatnot. THEIR NEW TRAILOR! Ahhh, I think i'll just be grateful for what i have and leave it at that!

12:10:00 AM

Blogger Rainypete said...

They would have packed and gotten another house, but they had already decorated.

7:16:00 AM

Blogger Martini said...

Or maybe it's a Lego house. I hear they're pretty easy to take apart.

12:42:00 PM


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