Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Root Canal Horror

Warning: Don't eat stale bread.

presented in pain-o-vision

Yesterday my story left off with my ex-dentist insulting me after he did not perform a scheduled root canal for me. Dr. Jackass then booked me an appointment with an Orthodontic Surgeon by the name of Dr. Idiot.

Ironically, Dr. Idiot happens to be the most brilliant orthodontic surgeon in Ontario. His reputation of performing the most excellent root canals is second to none. I spoke to a number of people about him, and surprisingly, all had heard of him and his superb work.

I finally felt good about my situation. But it didn't last long.

Upon entering his office, I discovered that they didn't know who I was, and I did not have an appointment with them. I told them Dr. Jackass scheduled the appointment for me. After an hour of phone calls and record-checking, they apologized, and began my procedure.

The first big shiny needle full of anesthetic pierced my jaw, beginning a series of horrors. The needle broke, and every ounce of anesthetic it held gushed into the back of my mouth and down my throat.

I choked and coughed. Dr. Idiot pulled the needle out and exclaimed, "That's never happened before!" His assistant asked what was going on, and he informed her that the needle broke. She took it away and returned with a second needle.

The second big shiny needle full of anesthetic pierced my jaw. This time I reacted. As the second needle broke and the anesthetic poured towards the back of my mouth, I quickly closed my throat.

Dr. Idiot pulled the needle out in astonishment. He apologized, assured me the anesthetic was not harmful, left the room and returned with a brand new needle.

I should have walked out of the office when that third needle cracked in my mouth, but for some stupid reason, I still had faith in Dr. Idiot.

The fourth needle, I think, was the one that worked. Well, it would have worked on a normal person. I'm not so normal. As Dr. Idiot drilled into my tooth, I could feel everything. He administered a 5th needle, which had a mild freezing effect on the side of my face. There was nothing more he could do. I felt everything. Every strand of nerves he pulled up out of my tooth, I felt it. I winced with pain throughout the rest of the procedure, but I survived.

With a queasy stomach, I avoided work for 2 days. During this time I learned from Dr. Jackass that I needed a crown on my tooth to prevent it from drying out and breaking. He said my tooth would last about 5 years in its current state, but he preferred to crown the tooth within 2 years.

6 weeks later my tooth broke.

This incident sent me on a mission to find a new dentist. Dr. Asianguy was the type of guy you wished was your best friend. He made me feel better about my oral disasters, fabricated a crown for my tooth, and went to great lengths to get half of the crown covered by insurance.

But it was not meant to be. A week before Christmas, that crown broke, and I had to wait 3 weeks, with a hole in my mouth, to have a new crown made. But even though Dr. Asianguy had since left that business, they still fabricated another crown for me at no charge.

Dr. Jackass, there's a lesson in here for you.

Want something else to do? Check out The Last Word, featuring even more movies!


Blogger Rainypete said...

Ahh there's nothing like shoddy workmanship. Especially when it's backed by a warranty!

11:34:00 AM

Blogger Martini said...

I wonder if I could get something like Jaws, from The Spy Who Loved Me (I think).

12:19:00 PM

Blogger Princess Lo said...

wow crazy denists!!!! i think they are the craziest dr's of them all.

9:15:00 PM

Blogger ms. creek said...

i HATE anything that has to do with the dentist, i have a crown, had 2 root canals, have a temporary crown now for 5 years (lol) supposed to get 2 more etc. due to horrid childhood experiences with a dentist, i refuse to go!

now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go eat some more candy.

2:07:00 PM

Blogger Bub said...

Liz is in the dental profession by day. By night, a Dominatrix.....go figure.

4:49:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

Bub, it all makes sense now! Reminds me of Little Shop of Horrors.

11:05:00 AM

Blogger ms. creek said...

ummm, martini, i hate to break the news to you, but this picture tells me that obviously, your razor is dull!

9:09:00 AM

Blogger Martini said...

Shows what you know Ms. Ellie - I use a lawnmower to shave. :)

12:30:00 PM


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