Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Jimmy Dillnuts Has a Daughter

'Yes officer, my collection of 60-inch Plasma TV's was in the trunk'

I've discovered that it's not just Jimmy who keeps smashing into people on our streets, roads, lanes, avenues, boulevards, and highways. He has a daughter named Jill.

Jill Dillnuts is only 18. Like most 18-year-old girls, Jill loves skrunchies, vodka, Clive Owen, and talking. She was talking, and not watching the road when she rear-ended my co-worker earlier this week. Ah, the Dillnuts' trademark - sneak up from behind, and rear-end unsuspecting motorists.

When I was 18 Jimmy's grandma rear-ended me while I sat behind a school bus that was dropping off little kids. Grandma Dillsack was her name. I felt kinda bad for her, even though it was me who had the hearing damage. My ears were ringing from the sound of the accident. The last sound I remembered hearing was an explosion of shattering glass as my head was forced back into the headrest. But it was her car that took all the damage. Her grille was cracked, pieces of metal and plastic were falling from beneath her car, but nobody had a broken window. The 1981 Olds Cutlass I was driving suffered no damage to the chrome bumper. And the mystery of the broken glass was never solved.

I surveyed the damage while Grandma Dillsack explained to me that her brakes were brand new, and she didn't understand why they didn't work. I pointed to her 20-foot skidmarks and said "good thing you were wearing Depends."

But nobody was hurt, so I told her not to worry about it, and I drove home. I can only assume that Grandma Dillsack also drove home, raised her son Jimmy, and taught him the fine art of rear-ending, and getting off the hook.

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9 Comments:

Blogger Poison said...

I'm glad nobody was hurt.
Anyway, they must be nice familly, if every one of them has accident tendency. Yesh, I'm glad nobody was hurt again.

2:43:00 PM

 
Blogger ms. creek said...

wow, and i thought my husband was bad, he hit 3 deer with my car this week!

6:35:00 PM

 
Blogger Rainypete said...

This same person probably hits trees and can't figure out why they never moved.....after all, she honked the horn.

11:59:00 PM

 
Blogger tweedledeetweedledum said...

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12:47:00 AM

 
Blogger Craig said...

Hey, I'm just doing my daily blogging "hello's" through people's comment sections. I find it's nice to have people commenting on all the writing, don't you?

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12:58:00 AM

 
Blogger Dusty said...

What, you're nuts!! I'm 27 and in love with Clive Owen.

Shaddup

-yer sister

3:06:00 AM

 
Blogger Lo said...

sounds like my driving:) i scare myself when i drive. I am much happier in the passenger seat.

1:53:00 PM

 
Blogger Felicia said...

Hi M,

That was very big of you to let Grandma Dillsack off the hook. I didn't know you were in an accident back then...

F

8:27:00 PM

 
Blogger Useless Man said...

I think you may know the real identity of Jimmy...

And his name is ..
aaa
a
gggh
hhhh
hh!!!

12:27:00 PM

 

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