Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Old Grass Trimmer

Roner - Chew & Spew.

Here is our old edging trimmer: Roner, the Chew 'n Spew model.

Roner has been our grass trimmer/weed wacker for approximately 10 years and we've been relatively happy with her performance. Maintenance was pretty easy. Fuel was simply cat food and water. Exhaust fumes were minimal, and didn't cause cancer.

She was a quiet trimmer, extremely environmentally friendly, and didn't disturb any of our neighbours.

Despite her strong points, she did have some major drawbacks. First, she was painfully slow. The grass would often grow much faster than she could eat it. By the time she finished edging the patio, she would have to start all over again.

Second, Roner has a short attention span and only performed well for about an hour, which was not enough time to complete any one job. She was often distracted by birds that wandered too close, or a patch of warm sunshine that desperately needed to be rolled in.

Thirdly, grass would sometimes clog up the intake. When this happened, Roner's self-diagnostic tool would determine the location and size of the clog and trigger her barf mechanism to remove the clog. This usually occured inside the house, as Murphy's Law insists. Grass clogs were slimy and unpleasant to clean up.

As a result, we've replaced our old Roner model with a newer one. It's essentially the same as Roner, except that it works faster and creates awesome amounts of pollution. Read about the details tomorrow.


Blogger redheaded said...


5:59:00 PM

Blogger Ham said...

See my old model here:


Her intake also gets clogged, but this does not trigger a reflex vomitus mass. Instead it results in stringy exhaust that doesn't fully detach from her bottom and can, and often does, hang out of her like a second tail.

3:48:00 PM

Blogger Ham said...

Abort. See link here!

My bad. I'm getting rusty.

3:50:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

I know a Motomaster product that will take the rust off.

Two tails. Seriously gross. LOL!

10:48:00 AM

Blogger Rowan said...


I have a pookie model, but she cannot be trusted to stay in the yard of it's owner, insisting instead to trim for the neighbourhood block party.

2:01:00 PM


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