New Grass Trimmer

This is our new grass trimmer, a super-awesome Toro model. It's not biodegradable, like our old grass trimmer, but that's a small price to pay for efficiency.

This 15" trimmer & edger is Toro's most powerful model. The full force of the 4.4 amp motor tries to twist the electric trimmer out of my hands like some kind of plastic Tazmanian Devil. Luckily, this trimmer was designed by aeronautical engineers in much the same fashion as helicopters.

As the cutting line spins ferociously, the shaft of the trimmer counterbalances the rotation, preventing the trimmer from spiraling up into the stratosphere. It must be handled properly, by an adult. Many a child has been lost to the clouds through careless use of the electric trimmer/helicopter.

The swirling motion of the cutting line creates an energy vortex that swallows weeds and blades of grass. Nobody knows where the vortex leads. Don't tell me you know - because you don't.

The downside to this trimmer is the massive amounts of pollution it creates. Since it's electric, I had to sign a 2-year deal with a Coal-fired power plant just west of Toronto. Each time I trim my patio or driveway, the coal plant fires up its furnaces and blasts dark clouds of doom into the sky.

If anyone knows how to convert the trimmer to solar power, or has a spare Mr. Fusion lying around, please drop me a line.