Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

A Weird Martini

So, I've been tagged by Lo, who, apparently, is dying to know 5 weird things about me. Take a moment to mentally prepare yourself for this. It might make you laugh, or it may haunt you forever.

Hotels beware.I destroy blankets with my fingernails. Very much the opposite of Prisoner's Of War, I enjoy the pressure of something under my fingernails. I lay away for hours, sliding the rough edge of a blanket under my fingernails, occasionally snapping the fibres, and sometimes cutting my skin, or breaking a nail. But you won't hear me complaining about that. I can't stop until the blanket is destroyed, and the edges are soft and frayed. Then I sit and sulk until a new blanket mysteriously appears on the bed.

Meesta Nakamura is not happy! He want answers!I love Japan and I hate answering machines. What does that mean? It means that whenever I call someone and get their answering machine or voicemail, I pretend to be, nay, I become Mr. Nakamura. I leave nonsensical or incoherent messages with a thick Japanese accent. My messages usually involve an order waiting to be picked up from my warehouse: Haro? Dis is meesta Nakamura. Rooking foh Krev-co Industry. You have ordah to be pick up at warehouse. Foh barrel. You pick up.
There is never a need to leave my name or number, because everybody knows my weirdness.

.Brooms suck, vacuums suck, Swiffers suck: I am the ultimate cleaning machine. I sweep the floors with my bare hands, capturing all the cat hair, human hair and fish scales that clog our hardwood floors. Even if we just Swiffered, I get down on my hands and knees to finish the job. Nothing escapes my almighty hands. Once I'm done, do not be afraid to shake my hand. I wash thoroughly, as I detest dirt on my hands more than dirt on my floors.

Jurassic Park, Jurassic Park 2, Jurassic Park 3, Jurassic Park 4, Jurassic Park 5: I've seen 'em all.Some think this is weird. Others think it's cool. I think it will save my life some day: I save all my movie stubs. My only regret is that I did not start saving them sooner. My earliest stub is Bill And Ted's Bogus Journey from 1991. Why would this collection save my life? My movie stub for "Batman Begins" will be my alibi when I'm falsely accused of murdering some skanky prostitute in a rat-infested back-alley where drunk teenagers are making out in a dumpster on a pee-soaked mattress. Seriously.

Can you believe this sweet kitty used to pee on my homework?Gravestones Beware, I cannot call animals by their given names. Meet one of my kitties, Oliver, who lives with my parents. We can all agree that his given name is completely stupid. That is why I have given him some much better ones, although I cannot recall the exact order they developed. Oliver became Shmegliver. Then Shmeglin. Shmeg, Shmeggy, Shmego, Shmegloctopus, Shmegloctopus the Eight Legged Shmeg, Mew Mew, Baby Mew, Mewy, Baby Bubba, Bub, Bubba, Bubbalizer, Beebee, Bebadybew, and Sweety Beebee.
And if you think that's weird, wait till you meet Googin (rest in peace).

To finish this Meme, here are the five people I want to complete this same task:
1. Michael Jackson
2. Bjork
3. Joey Joe Joe Jr. Shabadoo
4. Macgyver
5. Martha Stewart


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was hoping you'd tag me. I needed a reason to blog. Tag me.. Please?

Or Joey Cantini. He's pretty bored, too.

12:09:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

Yeah, Joey Cantini! He's totally tagged to the extreme.

1:25:00 PM

Blogger Lori said...

Hey great job martini!!!! thanks for playing. sounds like me and my kitties. i call one of my cats Ta Ta because I heard animals don't really know their names they just respond to a certain sound. Her name is Dakota and she responded best to ta.

8:20:00 PM

Blogger Ellie Creek Ellis said...

whew, i was afraid you were going to name me....as one of your bloggers. there is no way in hell i would tell you guys my weird things about myself!

you sweep the floor with your hands?????

9:36:00 PM

Blogger Vicki said...

and of course I would've just had absolutely nothing to say because there's not one strange thing about me!

7:43:00 AM

Blogger Vicki said...

or at least I can choose to believe that. No.. wait.. that's no fun at all.

7:44:00 AM

Blogger Martini said...

Vicki, something tells me you're the weirdest one of all!

(Yep, I sweep with my hands! Why? Is that weird? haha!

Lo - I agree. Beaner responds to anything with the EE sound.

12:10:00 PM

Blogger David said...

Come back Joey Joe Joe!

7:38:00 AM

Blogger Martini said...


1:32:00 PM


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