Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Grocery Store Gold

Don't be fooled. This ''New!'' ice cream is actually extinct.

Like an archeologist discovering a prehistoric ice-man frozen for thousands of years in a glacier, such was my joy on Sunday.

I scanned the ice cream section of our local Food Basics, ignoring the Skor and Rolo ice cream novelties. Then I came across something mysterious. A frozen block of ice. It called to me, and a chill entered my spine. Slow, like death, it crept up my vertibrae until it tickled my cerebellum and ignited a spark.

I chipped away the layer of frozen water. "Breyers" it said. With trembling hands I chipped more ice away to reveal the secret this box of ice cream held. It did not say "Naturally Flavoured". This was the real thing. I was so astounded to find the words "All Natural" that I freaked out, fumbled and eventually dropped the ice cream on the floor. Dozens of eyes looked my way. I didn't care.

When Breyers changed their ice-cream making process, I bitched about it. The new ice cream isn't very good. But the Canada Food Inspection Agency put too much pressure on them and their term "All Natural", forcing them to change the process, the ingredients, and the name.

"All Natural." Two simple words. They remind me of a short period of time when everything was good. 2004.

This box is the last of its kind. With the finishing of this ice cream comes the end of an era of deliciousness. I sadly choke down its contents each night, and wonder if there is another hidden treasure frozen in some lonely grocery store out there.

9 Comments:

Blogger Amanda said...

found your site on Self portrait. My husband would absolutely die for a delorean. To him, you are one of the luckiest.

Nice site! Will be back!

3:49:00 PM

 
Blogger Martini said...

Thanks! It's nice to know people use SPD.

4:50:00 PM

 
Blogger ms. creek said...

sadly eat the ice cream because it's PROBABLY FREEZER BURNT and tastes like crapola!

12:02:00 AM

 
Blogger ms. creek said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:02:00 AM

 
Blogger ~*Stephanie*~ said...

Its like 11 pm here and now I want ice cream..I should have waited till the am to come here...

:~)

12:55:00 AM

 
Blogger Rainypete said...

Are you to become a grocery store nomad now? Wandering the freezers into the wee hours of the morning, mining fro hidden ice cream?

"Who's that man Mommy?"
"Never mind honey. Just don't make eye contact and keep moving!"

8:14:00 AM

 
Blogger Javier said...

I'd Rather Buy Ice Cream From The Ice Cream Truck. I Don't Think It's All Natural But It Tastes Good.

1:17:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hilarious!

Great news that you were reunited!

I had this happen with shampoo once. I was so angry. Had I known, I'd have stocked up on it before they took it away. Ah well. A mere memory at this point.

--mihow

www.mihow.com

1:33:00 PM

 
Blogger Martini said...

yes, frost-bitten to the max, and still I savour the distorted, awful taste.

I wish the ice cream trucks would drive by my neighbourhood, just like when I was a kid.

Shampoo. Yes! My wife rags on me for "stocking up" on all sorts of things. I like having my own personal store in my house. I almost wish I had a bomb shelter just so I could have shelves full of stuff I love.

3:13:00 PM

 

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home

 

This many people accidentally stumbled upon my site
...while searching for porn.