Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Season's Worst Sugar Cookies

Christmas Cookie(s)

The Christmas spirit struck our insurance agent this year, and as a result Suz and I received a recipe from her in the mail. The recipe was entitled, "Season's Best Sugar Cookies" and as a huge fan of sugar cookies, I was dying to try it.

At the bottom of the professionally printed recipe card was a note that stated "This recipe is a personal family favourite of Hallmark designer Jeanee Wallace." This endorsement, coupled with the fact that Suz is an excellent baker, made me confident we were about to bake the best cookies ever in the history of the world.

Everything Suz makes is pretty much super tasty. She even baked our wedding cake, to the surprise of many guests. Because of these mad baking skills it was easy for her to mix together:
1 cup butter
2 cups sugar
2 eggs, well-beaten
1/2 cup milk
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder and
3 1/2 cups flour

Yes, the name of this recipe is very misleading.Together we placed the tablespoon-size rounds of dough on the greased cookie sheet. Together we used our index fingers to make the dough a nice circle. And, precisely 10 minutes later at 375 degrees, together we tasted the Season's Worst Sugar Cookies.

I, not being a Sumo Wrestler and therefore not enjoying the diet of a Sumo Wrestler, was so repulsed by the overwhelming raw egg taste I had to spit mine down the sink then rinse my mouth out with fresh juice from a skunk's stink sack.

Additonally, the cookies had a consistency more like airy corn pone, instead of compact cookie. They even expanded over double the area they were supposed to.

Suz and I agreed: we both despised the cookies. When I told her my feelings towards the vomitous treats, I figured she'd be upset, but I had no choice. If I pretended to enjoy them, I'd likely find myself being tortured by these same demon-egg-cookies next Christmas.

Yes, it was a lose-lose situation for me. And I lost. But at least I'll never have to taste Jeanee Wallace's favourite cookies ever again. Merry Christmas everyone! Consider this warning my Xmas gift to you all!

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19 Comments:

Blogger Velvet Ginger said...

I graciously accept the gift! I had to laugh at rinsing your mouth out with "juice from a skunks stink sack"???? omg better than the cookies???
MERRY CHRISTMAS MARTINI TO YOU & SUZ!!!!

7:08:00 PM

 
Blogger Michael Manning said...

Hey, Marini! If this guy covers the DMC...accept it and love it! Have a Very Merry Christmas and a Fantastic New Year!

9:16:00 PM

 
Blogger Michael Manning said...

Make that "Martini"! :D)

9:16:00 PM

 
Blogger Ms. Creek said...

Merry Christmas Martini and Suz! They can't be as bad as the butter cookies i made onetime accidently using soda instead of powder, the dang birds and our hoggy dog wouldn't even eat them!

NEVERTHELESS...have a peaceful holiday season!

12:07:00 AM

 
Blogger SJ said...

Merry Christmas to you. I am afraid this is just another case of: you can have your cookie and not eat it too.

10:21:00 AM

 
Blogger Techie Guy said...

That's why I married into a family with a bake shop.

Merry Christmas, Martini!

10:46:00 AM

 
Blogger Monogram Queen said...

Just reading about egg-y tasting cookies makes me queasy. Ugh!

I like my sugar cookies crispy!

12:01:00 PM

 
Blogger Becky said...

I've done that once or twice, made a pile of cookies instead of a dozen separate cookies.

1:10:00 AM

 
Blogger Velvet Ginger said...

I hope you and your family had a great Chritams together & that you got some decent cookies out of the deal!

8:30:00 AM

 
Blogger Martini said...

Thanks everybody, hope you all had great holidays as well!

1:40:00 PM

 
Blogger Ms. Creek said...

okay, get over the cookies!

HAPPY NEW YEAR to you and Suz!

11:35:00 AM

 
Blogger The T-Dude said...

Wow...those look nasty. I think I threw up in my mouth a little just looking at the picture.

Happy Holidays!

9:10:00 PM

 
Blogger Ms. Creek said...

did you get them eaten yet?

11:40:00 AM

 
Blogger Martini said...

We gave them to the backyard wildlife.... and they all got eaten. Hopefully I won't find bloated raccoon carcasses when the snow melts.

1:10:00 PM

 
Blogger honkeie2 said...

HAHa my wife got a recipe for 'Butter Thumb Cookies' which lived up to the butter part. They are heart stoppers and in the end went into the trash! 3 pounds of butter should never be the main ingredient to anything that small!

10:12:00 AM

 
Blogger Jeanee said...

Hello. This is Jeanee, the author of this recipe. I apologize that the cookies didn't come out. I found your commentary quite funny though.

It looks like you put too many on the cookie sheet.

Was the butter at room temperature before you mixed the ingredients? Did you try greesing the cookie sheet?

I never had a raw egg taste before.

Seems like my Aunt cannot make the cookies wee either. Now that someone else has tried to make them I think that I'm the only person in the world that can make them correctly. Maybe I'll do a Youtube video.

I didn't go home for Christmas this year and this was the 1st year I didn't make the cookies for myself. But I'm honored that you and Suz tired.

5:32:00 PM

 
Blogger Martini said...

Jeanee? Is it really you? I'm a little embarrassed here and I have to apologize for the way I insulted your recipe (and possibly you by association).

I can't remember if the butter was at room temperature. But yes, the sheet was greased, and yes, I believe we did put too many cookies on the sheet.

From all my experience, it tasted like the cookies had too much egg in them, and that they didn't bake for quite long enough. I wonder if the eggs we used were just too large? And maybe, had we set the timer for 12 minutes instead of 10, they would've turned out fine? Either way, I'm now willing to give them another shot.

11:17:00 PM

 
Blogger Jeanee said...

Yes, it's really me!

No you didn't insult me. I thought your commentary was funny! And the cookies can be hard to make. I feel bad they didn't turn out!

I had to 1/2 my recipe for the published recipe. I've been meaning to double check to see if there was a mistake, but I haven't gotten around to it.

I tell you what. Please send me your address and I'll send you and Suz some. On me!

Email me @ jeaneemail@gmail.com

3:46:00 PM

 
Blogger Martini said...

I'm sorry Jodster never got around to posting the video we made. I am still bugging him about that but new careers and family life always seem to get in the way.

7:42:00 AM

 

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