Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Prescription of Pain

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I'm off to the hospital again today for an 'emergency' appointment with my neurologist after he drove me to madness with a prescription.

The pain in my feet has been steadily getting worse and it is becoming much more difficult to walk with each passing week. I limit my walking to whatever is necessary to work, and survive.

I told my doc that if I had to go grocery shopping, I take a great big handful of Advil before I go out, and even then I still have to lean on the shopping cart to take the weight off my feet.

"How much Ibuprofen?" he asked me.

"Depends. 1200 to 1600 mg." I told him. His eyes bulged.

Turns out that is way too much. He said that much Ibuprofen can cause bleeding in my stomach. Instead of the pills, he gave me a prescription for something different, as he believes I have something called Small Fiber Neuropathy, which can be caused by a number of diseases, some of which are rare.

The prescription is a topical cream which contains Ketoprofen, Lidocaine and Capsaicin. The first ingredient, Ketoprofen, is used for treating inflammation. The second ingredient, Lidocaine, is a local anesthetic. Unfortunately, its benefits are short-lived, allowing the third ingredient to destroy one's sanity.

Capsaicin is deadly. Seriously. In large quantities it can kill. Somewhere along the line, some Canadian bastard succeeded in releasing the Capsaicin from Chili Peppers, thus inventing Bear Repellant. Not long after, the U.S. postal service began using it to blast violent puppies, and in the early 1980s Capsaicin was turned into what is now known as Pepper Spray, used by practically every Police force in North America.

Thanks a lot Canada, you backstabbing jackass.

If you can imagine the unbearable pain felt by victims of Pepper Spray, try to imagine the level of sanity possessed by a person who willingly rubs it into his skin.

But I had faith in my doctor. The Capsaicin was supposed to kill my nerve tissue, causing my feet to kind of go numb. So I rubbed the compound into my feet, and 36 hours later the burning hasn't stopped. In fact, the pain was so horrific last night, I had to "indulge" in some liquid refreshment in order to pass out fall asleep.

If you are wondering just how painful this stuff is, check out this video and this one on YouTube. Take it from me. This stuff is bad news.


Blogger Chana said...

i'm glad he is going to see you and you are still with us. i'm sorry about your pain. meds can do so good and so much wrong in the wrong hands, lol..you figure it would be safe to take something the specialist gives you..

good luck my friend..hope it all gets better soon..

2:38:00 PM

Blogger honkeie2 said...

I am sooo sorry for your pain but thanks for the youtub tip. I have been watching ppl getting tazed and sprayed all day now. But unlucky for me anything over .075 oz of pepper spray is illegal in NJ. I want the Cobra stun flash light.

10:54:00 AM

Blogger Martini said...

I wonder what you'd do if you were going camping in the deep wilderness, and needed bear repellant? If they don't sell that, maybe you could try what the one guy on YouTube did, and make your own!

1:29:00 PM

Blogger honkeie2 said...

Bears....I have been camping in NJ wilderness for years and the biggest thing I have ever seen was a wild turkey. And if I did see a bear I would piss it off by poking it with a stick and then kick him in the nuts. I wonder if it hurts them just as much?

8:24:00 AM


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