We Ran Out Of Milk

Around midnight I was going to bed. Somehow I realized we were out of milk and I didn't want to eat stale bread for breakfast. Our Barn Supermarket is now open 24 hours so I thought I'd zip over and pick up some cold, 1% moo juice.

When I got to the store, it was as I suspected: desolate. I grabbed my milk, fresh from the bulging udder, and headed to the cash. I should have put my milk down and left when I saw the line in front of me. But I naively assumed that the one cashier on duty could ring through 2 people with a reasonable amount of speed.

I was wrong.

The old lady in front of me absolutely refused to let the cashier touch her cakes "because they're very delicate." On top of that, the cashier was so damn slow that I think he was actually a mannequin. It took the poor, brainless twit 20 minutes to ring through 5 cakes. I wish I was joking.

While my milk soured I had a chance to look around. I spotted a super deal: Coffee Crisp Café Caramel, two for 99¢. Wow! I totally grabbed two of the sweet, sweet chocolate bars, one for me and one as a nice little surprise for Suz.

I went to bed late, anticipating the moment I bit into the nice, light snack and discovered where they hid the caramel.

The next day we ate our Coffee Crisp Café Caramels, and we enjoyed them thoroughly. The caramel was so sublte, like the look a hooker doesn't give you when she wants your attention. It was totally 100% tasty and did not detract from the wickedness of the regular Coffee Crisp bar.

In fact, the Coffee Crisp Café Caramel was so damn tasty that we went back to buy two more, even though they contained a whopping 1.5 grams of trans fat. I usually avoid anything with trans fat in it, but in this case we agreed to make an exception. If I'm going to die, at least I'll die with a smile on my face.