Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

The Benefits of Speeding

'Sorry officer, I was trying to get better gas mileage. Seriously'

If you've ever wondered why people speed, I might have the answer. The benefits to speeding are numerous in amount: the thrill, getting there faster, and PC points on your President's Choice Mastercard!

Suz got caught speeding the other day. She was driving the Insight, and doing nearly 30 over the limit. I know a few people out there are thinking the Insight can't possibly go that fast. But you'd be surprised how fast you can go in an aerodynamic wedge that only weighs a few pounds more than a Harley (minus the fat guy).

Anyhoo, Suz was pulled over by an officer of the law. He told her he caught her speeding and asked if she wanted to see the radar gun. She knew she was speeding so she calmly said "No" and gracefully accepted the ticket for $135.

When she got to work, she went online to www.paytickets.ca. There, she used her President's Choice Mastercard to pay the ticket in 3 easy steps.

With the President's Choice Mastercard, you get 1 point for every dollar you spend. By paying the ticket, we accumulated another 135 points to our card, which allows us to get free stuff, like anything in the President's Choice catalogue, as well as free groceries.

Although this by no means validates speeding, it sure brings a roll of toilet paper to the otherwise crappy moment when you receive the ticket.

From this negative action we were able to find a positive. Although it's not the best thing ever, it's still a reward. And I wonder: should we be rewarding people for speeding, or other ticketable offenses? I don't think a Peeping Tom should be able to pay his $5,000-invasion-of-privacy fine and use his Sony Mastercard points to buy a digital camera with 12x zoom.


Blogger Ham said...

I've never received a speeding ticket. The reason: blackmail. I used to work at the local cop hangout. This means that I saw many an incriminating DUI's in my day. And unbelievable amount, in fact. All I had to say was: "I am on my way to work at ____," and they would let me go. (This actually only happened once, but probably should have happened more often as I had a very heavy foot when I was young and driving a turbo charged vehic.)

12:40:00 PM

Blogger mmat said...

i got a speeding ticket once. the cop said to me "i got you on the radar at 30 over and was following you doing 65 over. do you realize that if you'd hit a deer going that fast in a sub-compact hatchback that the only thing left would be the deer?"

12:55:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

TURBO'S RULE! Ham, what did you drive back in the day?

mmat, I would have replied to the officer, "Oh, so you were speeding too? I'll let you go if you let me go."

I'm sure it would not work.

6:03:00 PM

Blogger SJ said...

This is an ad for President's Choice cards? Are they paying yopu MILLIONS to endorse them thru your popular blog.

WIll you be buyignn a Ferrari with all that money?

2:58:00 AM

Blogger Vengelyne said...

How cool is that? Earning points for speeding!!!

But then again, what can you redeem for 135 points? You need to accumulate more before the goodies are redeemable, right?

5:11:00 AM

Blogger Martini said...

SJ - Totally, if it's in the catalogue!

135 points isn't enough to get anything, really. But added to our growing pile of points, it will help us get free groceries faster.

1:10:00 PM

Blogger Ham said...

I drove, unexcitingly, a 1991 Mazda MX6 GT. It was my first baby, and boy did I give 'er at times (my younger brother would also "borrow" her sometimes, and I found out a couple years back that he would drag race with it - which kinda ticked me, but only b/c he put his safety at risk).

She was in perfect shape - my Aunt had recently re-married and her husband needed to give up his bachelorhood car for a minivan since they were now sporting 2 new kids and one from her previous marriage. I'm the oldest cousin so it sat in the driveway till i was old enough to drive it. And yes, i drove it. I think I once made it from Stoney Creek/Hamilton mountain to my front door in Western Bram in approximately 20 mins. That's bad.

1:48:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

So, what would you say if I told you I dragged my Talon? And what if I told you I dragged it on an officially sanctioned track instead of the city streets?

20 minutes? You leadfoot!

4:36:00 PM

Blogger Rainypete said...

Sounds like the time I had my poor little Hyundai up to 165 on the highway. I made it from McMaster University to Woodbridge in about 35 minutes. That little can gets a littel loose at hose speeds. Sure it's no match for your 12 volts of fury, but it was fun.

11:11:00 AM

Blogger Martini said...

I'm going to take a shot in the dark here and say the only reason the Hyundai can go that fast is because you put 'speed holes' in the hood.

1:33:00 PM


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home


This many people accidentally stumbled upon my site
...while searching for porn.