Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Here I Am. Learn About Me.

Death to Pineapple, Martini-style.

With all the troubles I've had this week, including my computer having a near-death experience, I have spent most of my time fixing things and working off steam instead of coming up with interesting things to write about. So here's something boring.

You can thank RainyPete for this.

7 things I want to do before I die:
(in no particular order)

1. United States Road Trip.
I would love to take a couple months off work, drive through every mainland U.S. State, and tack little red pins into a map of where I was.

2. Jump something big.
Knight Rider-style.

3. Visit Japan.
And take lots of pictures.

4. Carve a gun out of a bar of soap.

5. Write a Book.
My sister and I have SUPER ideas for kids' books. Even adults have read our little 'books' and loved them. I think we will pursue it.

6. Relax.
I never relax. Just ask Suz.

7. Fake my own Death.

7 things I cannot do:
1. Bear Children.
Oh wait. This actually may be possible now, due to the recent U.K. woman whose baby developed outside the womb.

2. Sit still.
I am a 'Pacer'. I can't sit still. I'm always doing something.

3. Lie.
I suppose I can twist things slightly, but every time I try to lie, I fumble and just fall apart.

4. Can't Stop Eating Ice Cream!
oOoOoOoOh, I love it too much.

5. Hang up on Telemarketers.
As much as they infuriate me, I can't do what my mom does. She slams the phone down, sometimes after yelling at them first. I feel bad that they have tough jobs, and even though I feel it is an invasion of privacy, I simply let them ramble until they're done, and say "no thanks."

6. Feign Intrest.
If you're talking to me about something I don't care about, I'm going to be bored. Deal with it.

7. Walk.
Okay, I have the ability to walk, but I can't walk far, without excruciating pain in my feet, which eventually forces me to crawl around like a baby, even in public places. So I sit a lot.

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex:

1. Intelligence.
I can't stand stupid people. I think Suz is smarter than me in a lot of ways.

2. Teeth.
There are a couple of different things I love about teeth. I have NO idea where this came from, but there is one particular 'style' of teeth I love. Kirsten Dunst has them. So does Avril Lavigne.

3. Girlyness.
I like girls who like to be girly and cute. I don't want a manly girl who can bench press me or beat up the guy who stole my glasses.

4. Eyes
I like eyeballs. Nice big round eyeballs.

5. Um... Physical Attributes.
Not talkin' about eyeballs.

6. Sense of Humour.
I'm funny. I'm sometimes a little wacky. It's nice when someone can appreciate those things with me, and not think I'm totally insane.

7. Voice.
Some voices grate on me. Some are so horrible they seem to attack my nervous system and make me want to rip my ears off and gouge my eyes out. If a girl has a rotten voice, I might as well be dead.

7 things that I say most often:

1. "Actually..."
I try not to use it so much, but it just works in so many situations.

2. "Oh, you gotta be kidding me!"
I say this when I have bad luck. Like when stuff happens that is totally impossible: Like when things seem to defy the laws of gravity, like when I put my keys down on top of my wallet, which is flat, but somehow they fall off, and land on the glass table, which is flat, yet they somehow are able to slide along the flat surface until they fall off the edge, as if the table is slanted, then land on the ground and somehow "roll" backwards 2 feet under the table, as if I put English on them. English. On keys. Yes, these things seem to happen to me a lot.

3. "The Internet eh? Maude eh?"
These Simpsons lines get triggered in my brain every time someone says "eh?"

4. "Unh!"
I grunt and point when I don't have enough time to say things like, "could you please pass me one of those coasters so that I can put my burning hot cup of tea on it?"

5. "Friggin Hell!"
I say this when crap happens. Crap happens a lot.

6. "I dunno."
This answer is unacceptable to Suz. But it's true. There are lots of things I don't know.

7. "Haro, Meesta Industry?"
I have many barrel for you.

7 celebrity crushes:
I don't think I have any, any more, but I used to. Let's see what I can come up with.

1. Kirsten Dunst. Pre-Spiderman.

2. Rachel Blanchard (and she's from Toronto!)

3. Gwen Stefani

4. Jolene Blalock

5. Rachel Leigh Cook

6. Bjork

7. Shirley Manson

7 people I want to do this:

1. Michael Jackson

2. David Hasselhoff

3. Professor Frink

4. The Cookie Monster

5. Mr. Nakamura

6. Your Mom

7. The girl on the Raisin box


Blogger ~*Stephanie*~ said...

I am VERYglad to see you didn't have to use that fork!!


3:01:00 PM

Blogger VicZan said...

mmmm pineapple
at least I'm assuming that's pineapple.

6:25:00 PM

Blogger Lo said...

oh for telemarketers i just start saying things like. hola commo estas. no compreno no comprendo. and then they eventually hang up. no one's feelings are hurt and it takes 5 seconds.

oh and btw glad you're not a good liar, you should check out my new post about lying.

and let us know when the books come out so we can check m out

1:17:00 AM

Blogger Martini said...

Yep, sweet, sweet pineapple.

Lo, that's an awesome idea. I suppose I could try something like that!

11:20:00 AM

Blogger Dusty said...

Let's get cracking on those books by-cracky!

12:53:00 PM

Anonymous Pearly Whites said...

I loved your lists.......I have always wanted to write mine down, but instead I just keep them floating around in my head. I have a teeth thing too, and before I read that on your list, I noticed that you have nice bottom teeth (pineapple pic). Teeth are one of the first things I notice about a person. I started a blog for myself once but I can't remember any of my information to get back into it so I haven't used it since. But I wanted you to know that if I ever do find out how to get back on mine, I am going to post some lists of my own. You have inspired me. Thanks. Oh and by the way, love the car. I saw BTTF 13 times in the theatre. I was totally in love with MJFox and also Huey Lewis (still am). Michael has AWESOME teeth!

11:12:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

Pearly Whites - I hope that you do start a new blog, or remember your info to get your old one going again. Comment again once your blog is working, I'd love to see what you write about.

5:06:00 PM


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