Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Sucking Large: Hershey's Goodies

Goodies, once the tastiest treat this side of candy mountain, are now a revolting mass of Satanic corn syrup.

Like all the men who came before me, Maria toys with my emotions, giving me hope when I know there is none. She barely answers my burning questions, and won't even give me her proper email address. She works for Hershey, precisely, the customer service department.

To: consumerinfo@hersheysConsumerRelations.com
Date: Aug. 5, 2009

I am in awe of what you've done to the new "Goodier" Goodies. To my recollection, I have never seen such an enormous change to a product. What amazes me in particular is how you took such a delicious product - and utterly destroyed it. The perfect balance between the candy coating and the licorice is gone. They are overpowering, like the lingering odour of dead fish. How could this product get approved? I truly, sincerely hope the new "Goodier" Goodies are temporary and that management will come to their senses and reverse this blunder!
- A Former Goodie Lover.


Now 'Goodier' proclaims Hershey's!

I can barely bare

to read the response that's

not in Haiku form:

From: consumerinfo@hersheysConsumerRelations.com
To: theguywhomadetheawesomebendercostume@superstud.com
Sent: Thursday, August 06, 2009 4:18 PM
Subject: Re: REF NUMBER: 006043819A

Thank you for contacting us about GOODIES candy. I am sorry you were disappointed and appreciate you bringing this to our attention.

Our product line is continuously evaluated. Occasionally products are reformulated to increase their appeal to consumers' preferences. The reformulation is accompanied by extensive market research testing to ensure that consumers will like the change.

We work closely to keep our Marketing Department informed of both the positive and negative input received from consumers. Your comments are valuable and have been forwarded to the Marketing Department.

This email address is restricted for outgoing messages only. For that reason, please do not respond to this email as the inbox is not monitored.

Maria Miller
Consumer Representative


Have you ever been shocked and disappointed in a product change? Have you ever been included in the so-called "extensive market research testing" these companies claim to undertake? Maria makes me cry. I don't know whether it's because she's lying to me, or because I'm so immature that I just can't handle it.

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Blogger honkeie said...

there was a protien shake I used to like years ago and then they came out with the new and improved flavor. Well it was horrible, I can choke down some nasty suppliments with no complaints but what happened to this was beyond even my gym taste buds. And to my suprise the company dissappeared about a year after that. I did learn they renamed their products and have a new line but I am not interested. I wish I could remember what it original company was called but they did the same thing. I often wonder who sits on these taste testing panels....fecal eating morons?

1:38:00 PM

Blogger Ellie Creek Ellis said...

And your blog always makes me hungry for candy and sweet cereal!

If you and SUZ ever decide to travel, Scott and I would be more than happy to show you around this gorgeous country!

10:46:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

honk - I totally hear ya. "New and Improved" seems to means "we found a cheaper way to make our products in China with inferior ingredients that taste kinda the same, but might kill you - but don't worry! We TESTED it with 'extensive market research' and nobody in the test groups died."

Ms. Creek - I seriously might take you up on that some day. We love to travel. Going to Florida in Sept, and already booked a trip for June 2010 (Lexington Kentucky and St. Louis, Missouri)

11:59:00 PM

Blogger Unknown said...

Extensive market research (adj. origin unknown): 1. Food industry parlance. Our maggots and flies ate the product with great relish.

I like your email id btw.

5:08:00 AM

Blogger Ellie Creek Ellis said...

ahhh, you need to book a trip to the west!

10:42:00 AM

Blogger Martini said...

SJ - you probably don't even realize how close to the truth you are!

p.s. thanks!

1:10:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

Ms. Creek - we will one day for sure. Mount Rushmore is on my travel list. Along with about 1,000 other things!

1:10:00 PM

Blogger Velvet Ginger said...

When I came to your blog page I thought "Is Martini already evaluating Halloween Candy...am I behind?" I hope they change your candy for you!
Like SJ...I love your email addy...and it's so true!!!
Make sure you stop at the Crazy Horse Monument when you go to Mount Rushmore!

4:52:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

Thanks for the advice! I really want to drive there, but I think it's just too far for me. Don't worry - Halloween candy will be coming, but not till October!

11:16:00 AM

Blogger TheatreChick73 said...

"The inbox is not monitored"?! Seriously?!!? That sounds to me like they are telling people to shut up because they've heard enough already!

I just wish they would be honest and say that. Could you imagine that reply email?

Dear Moron,

We've recieved your complaint and just don't give a crap. We are going to do what we are going to do no matter how much you cry babies complain.

Deal with it!


Corporate Douche Bag #386

4:13:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

I couldn't have said it any better myself.

2:43:00 PM

Blogger Ellie Creek Ellis said...

i can't believe you are going to wait until OCTOBER to post halloween candy!!!

3:55:00 PM

Blogger Monogram Queen said...

I just ordered two backpacks for my daughter and niece, from LL Bean (an outfitter based out of Maine in the US) and they weren't cheap. I had to pay to have them monogrammed and when they arrived even my 4 y/o said "Mommy I can't even see my name". It was pitiful. LL Bean had the nerve to send me a customer survey which I happily told of my dissatiscation about the monogramming.
Haven't heard a peep from them.
At least Maria responded to you! LOL
Pitiful. Sometimes it's better to leave things just as they are.

9:41:00 AM

Blogger Martini said...

Wow! That's terrible. I'd be phoning up LL Bean and complaining. Sometimes getting a person on the phone can get better results.

7:53:00 PM

Blogger Unknown said...

Martini: Of course, nothing beats an in-person visit where they can see your concern and respond naturally--which is SO missing in the business letters companies write.

3:52:00 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

2014 and goodies are still crap-accidently bought one to remind me why 1 quit. Hope their sales are way down, but the younger generation don't know what they missed

10:08:00 PM

Blogger rwgray said...

WHY or why did they change these candies. Goodies were my favourite candy and then they made them awful. Ugh.

8:45:00 PM

Blogger Bring Back the Original Goodies! said...

They should have two products like Coke did. New Coke and Coke. Why not have Goodies and new Goodies. They new Goodies are not the same product at all. They new Goodies are Garbage if you like real black licorice that was in the old product. The new product is similar only in appearance. The new product taste just like a candy ... same as all other fake licorice products. I agree this is an utter disappointment. However, the company had to do something as the shelf life of the orginal product as you know is short. The licorice and candy would become quite ha

11:09:00 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Um....I really like the new Goodies. Sorry. I like them better than the old ones, which were nothing more that candy coated laxative from my grandmother's house. But if they suddenly changed them now I'd be really sad....I eat super healthy and every once in awhile when I want a treat, this is my go-to. Anyways, sorry to hear that they ruined a good thing for you :-(

10:52:00 PM

Blogger Unknown said...

Original Goodies were my favorite for over forty yrs. Now they taste disgusting, like chewing on heavily purfumed jelly beans...I shutter at the thought of eating one.

12:27:00 AM


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