Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I'm Wanted

Sunsets are most beautiful when pollution levels are most dangerous.

While contemplating the existence of Zombies on the weekend, I watched an interesting event unfold outside my front window. A minivan slowly slinked, stalker-style, up my street and came to a stop in front of my house.

I ducked.

Honestly, I have no reason to duck. Nobody is out to get me (that I am aware of) and we never experience drive-by's in our happy neighbourhood. But I ducked anyway.

Spying through my own front window, I watched a child of maybe 9 or 10 years jump out of the back and run up to my front door. I waited for the doorbell, but there was nothing but the eerie silence of my quiet neighbourhood. No blood-curtling screams of "Help! I'm being kidnapped!" or "Call Robocop!" Nothing.

A second later the small human ran back to the waiting van. The rear door slid shut and the van slowly drove away, turned the corner, and disappeared from view.

Hand a note to a Wendy's cashier that says 'Wanted, Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger' and see what happens.Eagerly wanting to know what that was all about I ran out the front door to try and see where the van went. But something stopped me. It was a note.

The note was typed on a regular piece of paper: "Wanted: 3-4 Bedroom Home In The Totally Sweet Area. We are a five-person family looking to purchase in your area. If you are interested in selling, please call or e-mail us.
555-555-5555 or stinkinrich@sympatico.ca

Based on the events I witnessed, this family seemed to be hand-delivering notes to only the houses they really liked. I watched them drive past plenty of houses larger than ours, so size did not appear to be the only factor.

This is now the fourth party to express interest in purchasing our humble abode since we moved in. (*The following sentence not intended to insult Realtors, especially Lela, Stan, Peter, Larry and Mark.) All of the interested parties wish to circumvent a Realtor, and thus avoid their high fees, stale coffee breath and annoying, pee-stained catch phrases.

But with four interested parties, two of which contact me on a fairly regular basis to inquire when we plan on moving, perhaps I can LAUNCH THE BIGGEST BIDDING WAR EVER! MUHUHAHAHA! Early retirement, here I come!



Blogger honkeie2 said...

I was hoping to see an evil laugh thrown in for effect..la sigh....
I hate realitors with a passion. I put them in the same box as lawyers and crack whores....oh wait I have a bit more respect for crack whores than that...sorry.

8:04:00 AM

Blogger Ms. Creek said...

or stay in the most coveted home, ever!

12:12:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

I think crack whores are pretty respectable. They are truly dedicated, working long hours into the night to earn their crack money.

1:24:00 PM

Blogger Becky said...

Are you serious?! That is like the exact opposite problem most of us are having in Northern Virginia. Then again I've never heard of anyone stalking houses to buy that are not even for sale. You must live in a Totally Sweet area!

10:41:00 AM

Blogger Michael Manning said...

I was on the edge of my seat, Martini! I would be suspicious. Hang on to your home until the worldwide economy recovers from the massive injury it has received. I am hoping you have a nice shed to house the DMC-12 and of course I will pay you for the pleasure of driving it! :D)

11:41:00 AM

Blogger Martini said...

Yes, the worldwide economy downturn is adding major suckage to our lives at the moment. But hopefully things will turn around soon. Gotta get some repairs done to the D! Blog posts to follow!

12:57:00 PM

Blogger Grant said...

It's nice to be wanted. The only people who do that to my place do it with delivery food or jesus flyers. Of course, I live in an apartment and they frown on all my attempts to sell the place.

2:53:00 PM


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