Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Recycling Gold

Bender is 30% iron.... and recycles!Desperate for cash, our city left two gold recycling boxes on our front porch today in the hopes that we will ignore Russell Oliver's pleas for our used gold, and toss it all into the recycling boxes instead.

Okay. Not exactly.

The truth of the matter is, I am Recyclor. All shall bow down before me and my mighty recycling skills! Gasp! at the "good variety of newspapers and cartons" I recycled. Excite! to the fact that my blue boxes and green cart had "no contamination." Thrill! to "diverting more than the community's target of 65% of waste from landfill." Gasp once again! When I tell you it would have been even higher if the city hadn't tested our garbage the week after Halloween!

It began back in November when a city employee in a non-garbage truck type vehicle picked up our waste and sorted through it to see how well we were recycling (and maybe snatch a credit card number or two).

Turns out we were doing well enough to earn their coveted "Gold Recycling Box" award. There was much excitement in our house tonight as we celebrated our recycling accomplishments after discovering the "gold" award on our front porch. The two new gold-coloured boxes are meant to replace our blue bins. This action will infuse jealousy and anger into our neighbours, who will then attempt to one-up us, keeping-up-with-the-Jones's style.

With everyone competing to be the best recyclers in all the land, the city wins. Especially if people begin throwing their gold into the bins. It's a very sneaky plan masterminded by ex-big corp. CEOs, small-time Trump wannabe's, and perhaps old Russell himself.

Unwanted: garbage, cat shit, cardboard & paper.The program requires a citizen to sign up their address and give the city permission to rifle through their garbage for a waste-study. About 2 years ago, I did just that but was unaware that there was an award associated with it.

I had long since forgotten about it, until one day in late October when I received a phone call from a city employee. The pleasant, yet slightly recyclable-sounding woman stated that they were collecting my waste for the study I'd signed up for. Her instructions were to leave our refuse out on a specific date that was not our usual pick-up date. I gathered our throw-outables in the kitchen for one last hurrah, then kicked them to the curb without so much as a hug.

Pulling in to the driveway two months later, I laughed as Suz questioned the bins with, "yellow recycling bins? What the heck does the city want us to recycle NOW?"

It took a moment to set in, and I exclaimed, "we must have won! It was that recycling thingamajigger!" My only worry (associated with this event) is now that my gold boxes are so prominent on the street, I will face extra pressure to keep my recycling prowess at the kingly levels I've achieved. "Recyclor challenge everyone to recycle their best!"

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Blogger SJ said...

That photo and that "I am a Recyclor" line had me laughing out loud. Well done.

9:47:00 AM

Blogger Ms. Creek said...

You're setting a most excellent example, your Highness of Recycling!

I'd be afraid someone of utmost competition may steal the highly coveted gold box and leave their milk carton in its place!

10:49:00 AM

Blogger The T-Dude said...

I bow before you, humbled by your recycling skills.

11:42:00 AM

Blogger honkeie2 said...

HAHA, I would do this if my town did it. I am an avid recycler as well. I do not throw anything in the trash that can be recycled!

10:03:00 AM

Blogger Akhor said...

Congrats on your recycling achievements!

In our village, the city offers recycling "drop off" locations for us stand up citizens. However, they have a limited view of recyclable material. Hence, we can only donate, paper, cardboard, milk containers, and food cans.

So far the city gets a big "F" for recycling.. Maybe if they took up the other two major recyclables PLASTIC and GLASS, I would have a chance and a fancy yellow bin to.

1:16:00 PM

Blogger Velvet Ginger said...

Wow! You are a recycling celeb!
(pat on the back)
I wish they had those here, our shop hauls our recyclables to the land fill here, I save aluminumn & have to haul them an hour away.

2:29:00 PM

Blogger Michael Manning said...

I DO recyle, Martini. But my long-lived ideal of a major recycling effort to create jobs doesn't appear to collect much traction! Happy New Year!!!!!!:)

2:16:00 AM

Blogger Techie Guy said...

I was just reading about the gold recycling bins on our garbage day calendar, and wondered how they would determine who was good or not.

I don't think they'll want to go through my garbage with two sets of stinky kiddie diapers.

For me, I'll just go buy some yellow spray paint, paint my recycling bins and then throw out the cans.

9:31:00 AM

Blogger Martini said...

Paul, you are awesome. I will have to read the calendar to see what it says!

5:30:00 PM

Blogger Becky said...

I totally need to start recycling! I am a so wasteful.

1:56:00 PM

Blogger Monogram Queen said...

Ah yes - the pressure! the pressure!
I'd riffle through your gold bin in hopes of finding a stray ring or two ;)

9:39:00 AM

Blogger ZoeyBella said...

You have raised the bar so high, haven't you.

3:16:00 AM

Blogger Miss.Adventure said...

Congratulations! I don't want to boast, but I think I'm a pretty good recycler too. Too bad someone keeps stealing my recycling/green bins...!

9:31:00 PM

Blogger Michael Manning said...

Stopped by to say Hello, Martini!

12:56:00 AM


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