Unpolluting The World

Recently my DeLorean spent a few weeks at my mechanic's being tuned. But the tuning was nearly impossible due to a failed 02 sensor. In order to combat the black, fuel-laden exhaust belching out the DeLorean's exhaust, I ordered a new oxygen sensor ($27) from PJ Grady's in New York and installed the sucker myself.

First, I jacked up the car and slid some random junk underneath so it wouldn’t fall on my head. You know, oily rags, plastic gas cans, a couple of kittens and a bag of popcorn.

I slid underneath with a wrench and unscrewed the oxygen sensor. It was so crusty that bits of black carbon fell from it when I tapped it. And not the delicious carbon you get from burning bacon either.

I had to remove the rear driver’s-side wheel to reach the sensor’s connector. While it was off I examined the brakes. I have to say they looked pretty darn fabulous. And the 10.5 inch discs were as smooth as a baby's ass. If babies had smooth, rock-hard steel asses.

I pulled the bright blue wire through the frame and unplugged it. Next, I crawled back underneath with the new Bosch 02 sensor. I screwed it into place, plugged it in with my super plugging abilities, then pushed the wire back though the epoxy-coated frame.

Finally, I had to reset the Lambda unit, which is located under the steering column. The Lambda is connected to the speedometer and, at around 30,000 miles, gives a readout displaying the life of the 02 sensor as 100% exhausted. I am a few miles shy of 60,000, so it seemed appropriate that my 02 sensor had bought the farm.

I unscrewed the Lambda from the firewall for easy access. I unbent a large paperclip into a 'U' shape, twisted it, then placed the ends of it into the two tiny holes where the blue arrow is pointing. I turned it clockwise until the counter read 000%.

Almost instantly the exhaust stopped burning my eyes, and the poisons turned invisible again so that I could silently kill the world with my whopping 21 U.S. mpg. If you can't see it, it can't hurt you.