Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Bird Sex

Wocka wocka.

Ahh, springtime. Flowers exploding with pollen, trees exploding with buds, and birds exploding with lust.

Our backyard has turned into an outdoor porn studio - for the animal kingdom. Squirrels, hummingbirds and neighbourhood bunnies all gather round to watch the free show as the birds in our yard practice their baby-making abilities over and over and over.

Birds do things a little differently than, well, just about any other creature. Once the boy bird has the girl in his sights, he attacks. In mid-flight, he bites her tail and stops flapping. They begin to fall. The girl bird flaps her wings furiously, but the pull of gravity is inevitable.

Realizing they are a quick meal for a playful cat on the ground, or a target for a worm's revenge, they escape to higher ground.

That's called safe sex.

The boy bird, who is nearly twice the size of the girl bird, jumps on her back and sit there. Sometimes he sits there for a few seconds. Other times he flaps his wings erratically. And other times he pecks her in the back of the head.

Strangely, she enjoys all of this, including the beak-induced concussion.

From all this jumping, flapping and pecking comes a fertilized egg. Unfortunately, the eggs in our backyard have thus far had much misfortune. The birds' nest has fallen apart twice, and I've had the sad duty of burying their first-born.

From tragedies like this are born words of wisdom. Stay in school, and learn a skilled trade. I don't want to bury another birdling.

Friday's poll results:
People are most afraid of: Cockroaches
People are least afraid of: Flies

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Blogger Rainypete said...

That's what the birds get for using "certified contractors"!

12:57:00 PM

Blogger Ham said...

Oh public encounters. If only we were that 'liberal.'

However, I'm not the biggest fan of surprise attacks.

4:23:00 PM

Blogger Chana said...

i must have a talk with Cuppojoe as i understand now where he learned his moves...thanks for the heads up ;)

so...i want to thank you for leaving a comment..it was witty and light and just what the post needed.

you guys do an amazing job of entertaining us...keep up the good work...your talents are well appreciated.

pretty nice blog btw..

3:12:00 AM

Blogger redheaded said...

so if i have sex on my windowsill will i be having safe sex? will everyone think i'm a bird? will someone take my pic and write a post on their blog about it? hmm.

9:11:00 AM

Blogger Martini said...

Ellie.... I think you are a closet exhibitionist.

12:28:00 PM

Blogger redheaded said...

walk in or coat?

10:52:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

Hyuk hyuk!

11:31:00 AM

Blogger Rowan said...

I've never seen a baby seagull, and I've never seen birds have sex....this is something I just have to see.....sounds so....brutal!

12:33:00 PM

Blogger SJ said...

I was LOL (literally) at that safe sex comment. I promise I won't let cats eat me when I am eating p***y.

3:50:00 AM


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