Give Me A (Winter) Break

What happens when you cross a pregnant mother with a night of binge drinking that ends with two more days of bar-hopping, followed by a night on the town with Paris Hilton?

One of these road-crew guys, wearing bright orange.

As I approached this peanut-free construction zone yesterday, I noticed a few things. I noticed the heavy equipment digging a massive hole in the road. I noticed how the road narrowed to a single lane. I noticed how the road-work person at my end of the road was holding a bright yellow sign which read “SLOW”. What I didn’t realize was that the sign served double-duty as both direction for me, and a proclamation of his intelligence level.

I proceeded to slowly drive around the heavy equipment and silky pylons, down the narrow roadway, until something forced me to stop.

Coming from the other direction, in an equally slow manner, was a large Ford pickup, which I met with face to face. It was at this point that I noticed the other road-crew person up ahead, at the other end of the zone.

Jumping up and down, he was waving his arms in the air, trying to get the attention of the his colleague, who had obviously screwed up. I looked in my rearview and watched him realize his mistake, and spin his sign around.

With the Ford not budging, I put the SHO gear selector in ‘R’ and spun the living hell out of the front tires, rocketing a very tiny amount of snow, gravel and puppies in the direction of the pickup.

Once the truck passed, I began driving through the zone once again. My SLOW road-crew guy ran up to my window and motioned me to slow down.

I was going 6 km/h.

Most people need a vacation from the snow. I think I need a break from all this buffoonery. That’s why I’m leaving.

Suz and I are going to Venezuela for about 8 days, and we’re leaving tomorrow. If you need something to read while I’m gone, don’t forget to check out Useless Advice From Useless Men. They’re still as useless as ever, but with 15% more hilarity.