Maple Leaf Charcoal

Thankfully my last meal wasn't as far back in the past as my last charcoal review. I know there are thousands of you out there dying for my reviews each week and I want to personally thank you for your patience. Rest assured that I have been trying many different charcoals.

At the start of the grilling season I spotted another kind of charcoal I'd never seen before. I picked it up immediately as it was only $8 for this 8.8 lb. (4 kg) bag. One-dollar-per-pound is a rough benchmark for me. Once it rises above that I start to question buying it, although that hasn't always stopped me.

I was happy to see that this was a Canadian product, originating in the tres petite town of Ste. Christine, Quebec. Town? Wait, sorry. Village. Shit. A village has over 1,000 people. A hamlet. Yes, that's what I meant, the tres petite hamlet of Ste. Christine, Quebec.

It is now the end of July and my bag of Maple Leaf Charcoal is long gone.

I used the entire bag making regular hot dogs (read: lots of hoofs and beaks), Kosher hot dogs (54% of your daily intake of fat, anyone?), super juicy Johnsonville sausages, veggie dogs, and of course hamburgers (because I can't survive on tube-shaped meat alone!)

There was no scrap in the bag. It consisted of mostly good size pieces of wood which looked like this, and it smelled fantastic. However, the smell did not transfer fully to the food like some of the other charcoals I've tried. Although this was quality wood with no sparking, the smokey taste was almost too mild. Some of you might say it's perfect, but I think I would prefer it a bit stronger.

Still, when you consider price per pound, Maple Leaf is less expensive than the Royal Oak Star Grill charcoal and in my opinion, far superior. Would I buy it again? I think the answer is an obvious yes. However, if you're still not sure - the answer is Oui.

Nature's Grilling Gourmet Mesquite Charcoal

Most people wouldn't complain about our blistering, record-breaking summer this year. But due to the intense heat, the Stay Puft Marshmallow man has melted into an oozing pile of ant-food. Also, I have not been able to grill as much as I would've liked to.

Let's focus on that.

It has taken me a bit longer to go through my next bag of charcoal: Nature's Grilling Gourmet Mesquite charcoal. I bought this 6.6 lb. bag on sale at Canadian Tire. It was regularly $11.99, but for $7.99 it was worth a try. However, the joke was on me, as they later lowered the REGULAR price to $5.99.

Now this is a nice bag full of great information. The bag states it's 100% natural, and that it is a product of Mexico. "Nature's Grilling Products", however, is located in Louisville, CO. In addition to safety information the directions contain some nice graphics. They also boldly state their #1 Mesquite Charcoal ranking by The Naked Whiz, and explain their commitment to reforestation and fairness to employees.

Inside the bag I found absolutely no scrap bits. It was, essentially, all useable. A typical handful looked like this. The pieces were all good sizes, with only one that needed to be broken into smaller pieces.

Some of the pieces sparked and popped in my chimney but once I poured it into my grill it all settled down nicely.

The smell was quite strong and it was clear immediately this was a mesquite charcoal. I was worried it would be too strong for my food, but I was wrong. It added a nice flavour to my Juicy Jumbos, hamburgers and sirloin burgers that was almost delicate.

The only downside to the Nature's Grilling Mesquite charcoal was it was very similar to my Kingsford in taste. Too similar, actually. With Kingsford I can get quite a bit more bang for my buck. I would not pay $12 for this charcoal, but if the price remains at $5.99, it's a very good bag to have around.

Royal Oak Star Grill Charcoal

It is spring, it is hot outside, and I am happily grilling again in the good old fashioned way.

I am continuing my charcoal and charwood experiments this week with a small, relatively inexpensive bag of Royal Oak "Star Grill" charcoal that I bought at a local grocery store.

Good charcoal has a nice description on the bag, usually of the kind of wood and where it came from. Royal Oak has neither. But that's okay because as you know, expensive doesn't always mean better. And to get back into the swing of things, I was starting off on a budget. My 5 lb. bag cost $5.98. Was it a deal?

Upon opening the bag the pieces were all very good sizes. Nothing was too large and almost nothing was too small. It appeared to be a surprisingly good bag of American charcoal.

I also had two nice surprises that I wasn't really expecting at this price point. The first was that there was only one piece of scrap; a golf-ball sized chunk of concrete. Not a big deal at all. The second was the smell, the delicious campfire smell. I was excited.

Over the course of a week I used up the bag making the usual things that I make. Sparking and popping was minimal, and once I poured it into the grill it ceased entirely. Very good. Corn isn't really ripe in Ontario yet, so my grilling didn't go further than hot dogs, hamburgers and veggie dogs.

So what was the verdict? Unfortunately the taste did not mimick the smell. I did not like the flavour it added. Not one bit. This week-long experiment just goes to show that it doesn't matter what charcoal looks or smells like. It all comes down to the flavour in the food. Try it yourself. You may really like it.

Ono Kiawe Charcoal - Oh No!

Back in July I promised a review of Ono Kiawe Hawaiian charcoal. Well here it is. And when you've finished reading, hate it. Hate it as much as I do.

You know you're off to a bad start when three quarters of the charcoal is so massive, it's unusable. The Ono charcoal cannot be poured into your grill. Well, it can, but it won't burn. So don't waste your time. Grilling with Ono Kiawe charcoal requires one extra unorthodox grilling tool: a freakin' hammer.

I thought the first large branch was just a fluke, as I smashed it into more usable bits. It was kinda fun at first. I guess. Then it grew tiresome as I continuously pulled useless monstrosities from the bag day after day.

If that were the only problem with the Ono Kiawe charcoal, I could live with it. But it's not.

Popping and sparking charcoal is crappy. TRES crappy. You don't want sparks popping into your food. Ok, I'm sure there's one guy out there going "Yes I do you dick!" Well, ok fine. You're right. Go buy some Ono Kiawe dude! It's the best!

When I lit the Ono charcoal, it popped and sparked until the end of time. Yes, I'm writing this from the future (thanks, DeLorean!) and it's still popping and sparking. (And this season's Survivor is being played on Mars.)

Finally, and this is just a personal thingy here, I found the smell and taste a little too strong. I felt like it overpowered the food. Some people might love it. It definitely has a distinct flavour.

These are pretty big problems in my opinion. Then again, money talks! Nearly any problem can be overlooked if the price is right. So how much did I pay? Guesses? I think I heard five bucks! I wish. A 20 lb. bag cost me about $30 with tax. At that price the problems are unforgivable. Thirty dollars is the price a of a premium charcoal. A charcoal that shouldn't have any problems.

The only way this charcoal could be improved is if Jesus descended from the ashy skies above my grill and, like, kissed it or some junk. Unless you've tried everything else and are simply curious, avoid it. If a mass riot broke out tomorrow, (which is possible, I'm in Canada after all) I wouldn't even steal a bag.

Ono Kiawe Hawaiian Charcoal

"Ho ho ho! The volcano explodes, burns everything, and all we do is ship the charred wood remnants to those suckers in Canada!" is what I imagined those sly Hawaiians saying. Why?

I just bought a new bag of charcoal. Ono Kiawe Hawaiian Charcoal. They claim it is a premium, 100% natural charcoal used in the Hawaiian tradition of the Luau. This is a 20 lb. bag. I'm hoping it lasts me one month, but that will depend on how zealous I get with my grilling.

After using up most of my mega tasty Basques Sugar Maple hardwood, I was very excited to try another and see what flavour it adds to my food. I'm always very interested in learning where the wood comes from so I love reading the backs of the bags.

Curiously, the back of the Ono bag states the following:

Created in Hawaii
Product of Mexico

Ah right. Who's the fool? Apparently me. Now, go back to the first paragraph and replace "Hawaiian" with "Mexcian" and "volcano" with "meth lab". Was that racist? I don't care. Those sneaky Hawaxicans tricked me.

Or did they?

No, it's true. This IS Hawaiian. It's kind of like saying "Assembled in China from parts made in the USA." The wood is grown and harvested in Hawaii, then shipped to Mexico where it's turned into charcoal and packaged for shipping across the border.

Just be wary of buying anything larger than what I bought. For example, if you see a 115 lb. bag... and it's moving... and talking to you - avoid it. Unless you need a great deck built. Was that racist? Damn, I keep doing that.

My rude, insulting nature aside, I am very excited to try this charcoal and I'll let you know how it goes.

Grilling Awsome Corn on the Cob

I know you wanna know how to grill the second most awesome corn on the cob ever. Sadly, I cannot help you. However, if you'll settle for the most awesome corn on the cob ever, you've come to the right place.

Step 1: Buy the freaking corn. I purchased my corn in husks at Walmart. Although it's not my favourite place to shop, right now it seems to be the only store selling corn in cobbed form.

Step 2: Go home.

Step 3: Don't husk the corn. Fill your sink part way and soak the corn. I soaked mine for about 10 minutes. If you aren't old enough to use water, ask your parents for permission.

Step 4: Light your charcoal grill. Right now I'm using Basques Sugar Maple charcoal, however you may use a different kind. If you're awesome though, you'll copy me.

Step 5: Shake the excess water off your corns and put 'em on your hot grill. Put the lid on and let them cook. The water will steam the corn on the inside. Turn them over after 12-15 minutes. Let the husks get nice and dark. If you cook them too long, the corn will become very bendy. I cooked mine for 30 minutes.

Step 6: Take your awesome corn off the grill when they are extremely dark all the way around. Black is ok! Hold a cob in your BBQ glove (or dishtowel if you're a sissy), and peel back the husk with your other hand. It comes off very easily. It looks like this.

Step 7: Put on your butter, salt and whatever else you like. Some sissies like Tabasco sauce. Or pepper. Or HP sauce. That's totally gross and you're a freak if you like it that way, but I'm not judging you.

Step 8: Eat your corns!

Step 9: Once corn is fully digested go to the bathroom. Rinse and repeat.

Night Grilling Insanity

I can't stop grilling. My new charcoal grill has got me so excited I find myself making food at all hours of the night.

To start, I take my rapid-start chimney, crumple some newspaper up and jam it into the bottom. However, if my neighbours are in their backyards, and I don't feel like disturbing them, I use my Big Green Egg fire-starters which are smokeless little squares of pressed cardboard and wax. I then pour charcoal into the top and fill 'er up.

Lighting the newspaper (or fire-starter blocks) really beats pushing an ignition button on a gas BBQ. Once the charcoal starts to burn, it puts on a most excellent show, especially at night.

With blue flames shooting up from the chimney, I can roast a pre-dinner marshmallow in under 4 seconds. And when the charcoal has a nice grey coating all over it (usually 10 minutes), I pour it into the bottom of the grill and I'm ready to go.

Grilling is an event. With a gas BBQ you turn a few knobs and the burners ignite. It's not exciting, but it gets the job done. With grilling, lighting the charcoal is half the fun. Or in my case, about 79.2% of the fun, because I ain't no chef, but I might just be a bit pyro. (What can I say? It's badass.)

It's 11:03 pm? Time to grill some corn on the cob! I need an intervention! And when you all come over to stop me, I'll make you some great food!

Charcoal for my Soul

Long time no post. Things have been tough lately. I'll give you the nutshell, not that you're interested. So, if you don't give two shits about my pathetic life, go right ahead and skip to the end of this paragraph. Do it. I won't mind. What?? You're still reading? Impossible. Alright then, what have I been up to? Geez. I got no idea.

Now the good stuff. I miss my grandparents. I miss their 60s interlocking brick patio. I miss their 60s aluminum folding chairs. I miss their homemade gingerbread men. I miss BBQs at their house on Father's Day.

I'm tired. Tired of cell phones. Tired of the internet. Tired of keeping up with the Jonses. Tired of technology and life in general let me tell you what. And you know what else? I'm tired of cooking with gas.

I've struggled with my stainless steel BBQ for years. It takes 20 minutes to heat up and the food tastes more boring than Stephen Harper's pants. Look I know it's a terrible analogy but let me ask you, have you ever noticed Harper's pants? That's right, you haven't. Because they're BORING. And if you're American you might be asking "Who the hell is Harper?" Lucky you.

My Centros BBQ is rusting. Sure the burners are stainless, but what's the point when the body rusts out from beneath it? Instead of repairing it or forking out an insane amount of money for a new one made in China, I chose the path less travelled. I bought a charcoal BBQ. A Weber One-Touch Gold. Made in the USA.

Nope, there's no temperature gauge. Nope, you can't turn down one half to keep food warm. And nope, there's no instant, push-button ignition.

But what there is is DAMN tasty food in nearly half the time using the Rapidfire chimney starter and some hot-burning charcoal. The charcoal I'm using now is Basques Sugar Maple Hardwood, from Quebec. It's harvested as part of a government reforestation project. AND IT MAKES FOOD TASTE LIKE CRACK.

I'm addicted. And I'm no chef. Before this I could only make toast and ice cubes. I now daydream at work about experimenting with my BBQ. Screw the gas I say. I'm tired of unreliable modern shit. So it's out with the new, and in with the old!