Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Charcoal for my Soul

My new, old-school Weber grill.Long time no post. Things have been tough lately. I'll give you the nutshell, not that you're interested. So, if you don't give two shits about my pathetic life, go right ahead and skip to the end of this paragraph. Do it. I won't mind. What?? You're still reading? Impossible. Alright then, what have I been up to? Geez. I got no idea.

Now the good stuff. I miss my grandparents. I miss their 60s interlocking brick patio. I miss their 60s aluminum folding chairs. I miss their homemade gingerbread men. I miss BBQs at their house on Father's Day.

I'm tired. Tired of cell phones. Tired of the internet. Tired of keeping up with the Jonses. Tired of technology and life in general let me tell you what. And you know what else? I'm tired of cooking with gas.

I've struggled with my stainless steel BBQ for years. It takes 20 minutes to heat up and the food tastes more boring than Stephen Harper's pants. Look I know it's a terrible analogy but let me ask you, have you ever noticed Harper's pants? That's right, you haven't. Because they're BORING. And if you're American you might be asking "Who the hell is Harper?" Lucky you.

My Centros BBQ is rusting. Sure the burners are stainless, but what's the point when the body rusts out from beneath it? Instead of repairing it or forking out an insane amount of money for a new one made in China, I chose the path less travelled. I bought a charcoal BBQ. A Weber One-Touch Gold. Made in the USA.

Best dead pig bits EVERNope, there's no temperature gauge. Nope, you can't turn down one half to keep food warm. And nope, there's no instant, push-button ignition.

But what there is is DAMN tasty food in nearly half the time using the Rapidfire chimney starter and some hot-burning charcoal. The charcoal I'm using now is Basques Sugar Maple Hardwood, from Quebec. It's harvested as part of a government reforestation project. AND IT MAKES FOOD TASTE LIKE CRACK.

I'm addicted. And I'm no chef. Before this I could only make toast and ice cubes. I now daydream at work about experimenting with my BBQ. Screw the gas I say. I'm tired of unreliable modern shit. So it's out with the new, and in with the old!

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Blogger Cuppojoe said...

Welcome back, old friend! And may I say, I like the new (old) you! You sound so much like, well... ME! I've recently turned 40 and let me tell you, I've never been crotchetier (yeah, it's a word) or happier!

Three cheers for grumpy old men! Hip-hip... Ah, forget it. I've already lost interest.

8:53:00 AM

Blogger Martini said...

I hear you! I'm a crotchety old bastard myself. Giving up is the new 30.

10:28:00 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Count me in! If you want some good BBQ tips, check out my pals at Strobes BBQ in brantford. You can find them on Facebook. Brian is the owner, and a great guy. tell him I sent you. Then explain to him who I am again. He'll click.


10:46:00 AM

Blogger Michael Manning said...

Martini: Welcome back. I know you have a lot of passion for the DMC and other cool things and I hope you will re-connect with those fun things that inspire you. Happy grilling!! : )

12:34:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

I do Michael, and I've been working constantly on the D. Unfortunately I keep getting defective or poorly rebuilt parts from the company. It's a game, shipping parts back and forth. But you can rest assured I'll have some DMC posts up here this summer.

1:59:00 PM

Blogger Ms. Creek said...

Hi - I'm not doing much on line lately - but have been enjoying our new gas grill! haha

11:15:00 AM

Blogger Martini said...

LOL @ Ms. Creek.
Read about that explosion in your neighbourhood! Scary! Doesn't that make you want to avoid gas?? haha.

2:32:00 PM

Blogger Meg Smith said...

"It takes 20 minutes to heat up and the food tastes more boring than Stephen Harper's pants."

This may be the best quote I've read all month. If you go to Chadwick and Hacks, they have a ton of these charcoal grills that a few companies are re-making. I think people are realizing that old technology is the best kind!

11:08:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

I just saw your comment now... and guess what! Chadwick's is precisely where I purchased this fine piece of retro technology!

9:32:00 AM


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