Night Grilling Insanity

I can't stop grilling. My new charcoal grill has got me so excited I find myself making food at all hours of the night.

To start, I take my rapid-start chimney, crumple some newspaper up and jam it into the bottom. However, if my neighbours are in their backyards, and I don't feel like disturbing them, I use my Big Green Egg fire-starters which are smokeless little squares of pressed cardboard and wax. I then pour charcoal into the top and fill 'er up.

Lighting the newspaper (or fire-starter blocks) really beats pushing an ignition button on a gas BBQ. Once the charcoal starts to burn, it puts on a most excellent show, especially at night.

With blue flames shooting up from the chimney, I can roast a pre-dinner marshmallow in under 4 seconds. And when the charcoal has a nice grey coating all over it (usually 10 minutes), I pour it into the bottom of the grill and I'm ready to go.

Grilling is an event. With a gas BBQ you turn a few knobs and the burners ignite. It's not exciting, but it gets the job done. With grilling, lighting the charcoal is half the fun. Or in my case, about 79.2% of the fun, because I ain't no chef, but I might just be a bit pyro. (What can I say? It's badass.)

It's 11:03 pm? Time to grill some corn on the cob! I need an intervention! And when you all come over to stop me, I'll make you some great food!

Charcoal for my Soul

Long time no post. Things have been tough lately. I'll give you the nutshell, not that you're interested. So, if you don't give two shits about my pathetic life, go right ahead and skip to the end of this paragraph. Do it. I won't mind. What?? You're still reading? Impossible. Alright then, what have I been up to? Geez. I got no idea.

Now the good stuff. I miss my grandparents. I miss their 60s interlocking brick patio. I miss their 60s aluminum folding chairs. I miss their homemade gingerbread men. I miss BBQs at their house on Father's Day.

I'm tired. Tired of cell phones. Tired of the internet. Tired of keeping up with the Jonses. Tired of technology and life in general let me tell you what. And you know what else? I'm tired of cooking with gas.

I've struggled with my stainless steel BBQ for years. It takes 20 minutes to heat up and the food tastes more boring than Stephen Harper's pants. Look I know it's a terrible analogy but let me ask you, have you ever noticed Harper's pants? That's right, you haven't. Because they're BORING. And if you're American you might be asking "Who the hell is Harper?" Lucky you.

My Centros BBQ is rusting. Sure the burners are stainless, but what's the point when the body rusts out from beneath it? Instead of repairing it or forking out an insane amount of money for a new one made in China, I chose the path less travelled. I bought a charcoal BBQ. A Weber One-Touch Gold. Made in the USA.

Nope, there's no temperature gauge. Nope, you can't turn down one half to keep food warm. And nope, there's no instant, push-button ignition.

But what there is is DAMN tasty food in nearly half the time using the Rapidfire chimney starter and some hot-burning charcoal. The charcoal I'm using now is Basques Sugar Maple Hardwood, from Quebec. It's harvested as part of a government reforestation project. AND IT MAKES FOOD TASTE LIKE CRACK.

I'm addicted. And I'm no chef. Before this I could only make toast and ice cubes. I now daydream at work about experimenting with my BBQ. Screw the gas I say. I'm tired of unreliable modern shit. So it's out with the new, and in with the old!