Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Literal Shitty Taxes

Time to rename the cat 'Vomit Canon'

I'M A MILLIONAIRE! Oh wait, that's a complete lie. Nevermind. I guess I'll start blogging again just as soon as I get my taxes out of the way.

Yeah, tax season. Fun stuff right? It is! When you know you're getting a refund, anyway. But what about when you have two very old cats? And what if those poor, wretched old jerks decided to barf and shit on everything you own? And what if that included all your tax documents?

Excrementy and vomity paperwork is difficult enough to deal with, but it's especially embarrassing when you have to give it all to your accountant. You know, because it's TAX SEASON.

 shitty taxes, quite literally.How do you explain the brown smears to her? You can't just let her touch it... can you? And you certainly can't wash it off. Have you ever tried to wash paper? I'll let you in on a little secret. It doesn't work.

Okay, so there are two options. Option one is to keep your mouth shut and let her touch the number 2. Did I forget to mention it's not ordinary cat crap? No, kitty was having a bad day when she smeared her extraordinarily raunchy ass on our paperwork. This is the pinnacle of abominable bowel movements - diarrhea.

Despite the fact that my accountant is my cousin, and even though she herself has a number of cats and horses, that option just plain sucks. So I settled on option two. I took a pair of scissors and literally cut the brown spots out. Yup, it gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "Cut that shit out!"

Labels: , , ,


Blogger Michael Manning said...

A wise move, Martini and with imagination! I was about to suggest a carefully placed phone call. But this was better! :)

11:25:00 PM

Blogger Martini said...

It's funny how cats always focus their bodily fluids on the most important things.

12:38:00 PM


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home


This many people accidentally stumbled upon my site
...while searching for porn.