Originally intended to document my experience of DeLorean ownership, focus is often radical and strange, boring and obtuse.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Nestle Crunch Cereal - Better Than Bread

and I would've planted that oak tree and jammed a hammock onto it FFS!

Making a cereal out of some other kind of food seems like a difficult task to me. With limited ingredients, it's tough to make one thing taste like another. It could be the reason why Kellogg's hasn't cranked out a "sausage 'n eggs" cereal yet. Or maybe it's just because everyone knows that's a really, really bad idea.

While on vacation I came across a cereal I hadn't yet encountered. Nestle Crunch Cereal. I didn't have to think twice before grabbing a box. The Nestle Crunch bar is a damn fine chocolate bar and I was dying to see how close to the sun those cereal chefs could fly.

The goal here was not only to make the cereal taste like chocolate, but to give it its namesake crunch as well. For without the chocolate bar's distinct crunch, it would be a failure and you may as well just pour Nestle Quik over top of bread.

The cereal's shape is odd little conjoined balls almost in the shape of a Honeycomb cereal morsel. This did not give me much confidence in how it would feel or taste. But let me tell you. I was wrong.

The chocolate? It's there. Solid chocolate flavour indeed. And the crunch? They nailed it. It couldn't have crunched any better. But there was something else. Something unsavoury. And there it was, in plain Portugeuse, right on the box. How could I have missed it? "com cereais integrais".

Mother-effing whole grain. Hands down the utter downfall of the cereal industry.

Cereal has tasted like garbage ever since they infused whole grain bark and twigs into every mouthful. Until I tasted it again, I'd actually forgotten the reason I stopped buying cereal. And if you've read for a while, you'll know what sort of a cereal maniac I used to be. Maniac. Yeah. I ain't kidding.

I wish I could give two Martini thumbs up to Nestle Crunch cereal. If it weren't for the nine pounds of oak tree in the box, I would. But y'know, if I had wanted an oak tree, I would've bought an oak tree.

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6 Comments:

Blogger honkeie2 said...

OMFG I must find this cereal! I am a cereal freak! And a big F U to big brother telling me what I can and cannt eat!
If i want to eat deep fried chocolate balls in heavy cream with a side of baked lard covered in maple syrup it should be my business!

7:03:00 AM

 
Blogger Martini said...

It seems to be all over Europe. And South America. Know anybody who could ship you a box?

3:26:00 PM

 
Blogger Ms. Creek said...

Even with the oak bark, I'm sure it's dang good! Ya have to take the ups with the downs, right? Sounds like it's worth it.

8:23:00 AM

 
Blogger Martini said...

It was worth it. I love trying new things. Plus it me an excuse to blog. Which is pretty rare, right?

10:54:00 PM

 
Blogger Michael Manning said...

A stellar review!

2:59:00 AM

 
Blogger reener said...

LMAO!! Lesson learned: Don't read the list of ingredients!

10:48:00 AM

 

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