Signalling The End?

Happy Birthday Eagle Talon! 1991-2006. I wish you much happiness and good health in the years to come. You've been by my side through thick and thin. Thank you for all you've done. Love, Martini

My Talon just turned 15 years old, which classifies it as a "Special Interest" car. Therefore, it qualifies for a huge insurance discount with Aviva Elite Insurance - the same company I have my DeLorean insured with. However, there are some strict rules which I would not be able to adhere to, so I've got to stick with my regular insurance.

Regular insurance has been bothering me.

When my cute All-Wheel-Drive, asphalt-shredding widdle baby got its first grey hair, my regular insurance company jumped on me.

They suggested dropping collision insurance. Which basically means they think my Eagle is a pile of rusted junk not worth the $10 a month it costs for collision insurance. Should I tell them it was professionally appraised at $15,200?

Nah!

When my incontinent import (it's not really an Eagle) started getting crows feet my insurance company sent me another document. They wanted the exact odometer reading, plus an estimate of how many kilometres I think I might drive the car in the next 12 months.

I obliged. Odo: 238,000 kms. Estimate: 4,000 kms a year.

Maybe they didn't like those numbers. Maybe they thought I was joking. I don't know. But a few weeks later they sent me yet another document asking for the same information. I ignored it.

The next letter was more menacing. If I didn't provide them with the information they requested, they were gonna break my thumbs! As much as I enjoy my thumbs, I wasn't going to give in to their stupid demands. I ignored that letter too.

Maybe that's when they sent a hitman after my Talon. The dark figure slinked out of the crusty shadows and gave the front turn signal a hearty bash, then ran, faster and faster, until he vanished into the night.

That's not what really happened, but the signal bulb did burn out. So I drove to Canadian Tire and bought ALL the turn signal bulbs, worried that my aging car would soon be taken out of their Parts Books.

After all, my Talon is almost old enough to drive.