Literal Shitty Taxes

I'M A MILLIONAIRE! Oh wait, that's a complete lie. Nevermind. I guess I'll start blogging again just as soon as I get my taxes out of the way.

Yeah, tax season. Fun stuff right? It is! When you know you're getting a refund, anyway. But what about when you have two very old cats? And what if those poor, wretched old jerks decided to barf and shit on everything you own? And what if that included all your tax documents?

Excrementy and vomity paperwork is difficult enough to deal with, but it's especially embarrassing when you have to give it all to your accountant. You know, because it's TAX SEASON.

How do you explain the brown smears to her? You can't just let her touch it... can you? And you certainly can't wash it off. Have you ever tried to wash paper? I'll let you in on a little secret. It doesn't work.

Okay, so there are two options. Option one is to keep your mouth shut and let her touch the number 2. Did I forget to mention it's not ordinary cat crap? No, kitty was having a bad day when she smeared her extraordinarily raunchy ass on our paperwork. This is the pinnacle of abominable bowel movements - diarrhea.

Despite the fact that my accountant is my cousin, and even though she herself has a number of cats and horses, that option just plain sucks. So I settled on option two. I took a pair of scissors and literally cut the brown spots out. Yup, it gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "Cut that shit out!"

Spring

Everywhere we look there are indications that spring is fast approaching. Fat, puffy robins letting all their chub hang around their feet sit on soggy earth and watch for breakfast. Rain rolls off their backs, penetrates defrosted ground and gives birth to tulips. And wasps, too weak to fly, crawl across our kitchen floor threatening the tender bottoms of our early morning feet.

I barely missed stepping on this dangerous guy as I went to feed the hungry kitties. When I spotted him, I scooped him up in a green juice jug which we no longer use for juice.

The jug’s duty has shifted from holding liquids for human consumption, so if you’re visiting and you see me serving you a drink from this jug, I probably don’t like you.

During the summer we would occasionally find a wasp crawling in our house, but we were never able to determine where they were coming from. There’s no nest around our house, and we rarely see wasps or hornets in our yard, so I’m curious as to where they’re coming from.

I don’t know how this wasp got into our house and I’m glad the starving kitties didn’t try to eat him. But if they did, they’d probably just barf him up 3 minutes later. Barf, and barf-soaked socks. It’s a tradition around our house.